Harry: All right, let's get busy. I didn't waste all those hours watching TV for nothing. You mind if I move a few of these around?
Pitman: You're gonna change the schedule?
Harry: Oh, no, no. Not change. Save. All right. Hey, you know what I'd like to see? A whole night of Will & Grace. Wouldn't you?
Pitman: Brilliant!
Harry: Hey, better yet, why don't we make one night Will, one night Grace?

Sally: [v.o.] "So I've come to the conclusion that New York is the sexiest city in the world, from sexy Bronx to sexy Brooklyn. It's the city that never sleeps." [out loud] "Unless it rolls over and passes out after sex."

Dick: Ooh, cool! I can't wait to see the look on Mary's face when she finds out that I'm a lawyer.
Sally: Hold on a second. Albright's here?
Dick: Oh, I'm sure she is. A love like ours transcends all dimensional limitations. Maybe you'll meet some people you know too.
Harry: Cool. Really?
Dick: Oh, yeah. But F.Y.I., they may have made different life choices in this universe.
Harry: Mmm. I see what he's saying. You see, in this world Officer Don could be an old Vietnamese woman.
Sally: No, Harry, they'll have the same bodies. Dick's just saying they'll probably all be gay.

Harry: I'm sorry. I've never been in an elevator that fast before. "Harry Solomon, network president." Is this true?
Pitman: Yes.
Harry: [shouting] Then what the hell are you people doing in my office?
Pitman: Harry, we need some creative counter programming fast. ABC's got a major hit with Who Wants to Be a Turkish Prisoner?
Harry: Well, that might be good for ABC, but that's not who we are. We're about quality, all right? I want this network to be about families and violence and as much sex as we can get away with.

Harry: New York City. My kind of town. It's the city by the bay. Gateway to the west. The Aloha State. Motown.

Harry: I fired four people today.
Dick: What, from the network? What for?
Harry: Well, they were smarter than me.
Tommy: Only four?

Dick: Let's go!
Sally: Well, what- What about Tommy?
Dick: Leave him a note.
Harry: Am I okay to go dressed like this?
Dick: You're fine. Anyway, I'm sure they have a Gap there. Sally.
Sally: Okay, I'm so excited.
Dick: Here we go. [closes closet door; opens door] Who am I kidding? There's no portal to another dimension in the closet.
Sally & Harry: Oh.
Dick: It's in the shower.

Dick: Guys, guys, look at this! There's a New York taxi and a New York bus.
Sally: [gasps] I can see the Empire State Building.
Dick: Look at the sidewalks jammed with people of every conceivable ethnic background.
Harry: Hot damn, we're in Vegas!

Harry: [to the doorman] Oh, no, no, no. General, allow me. You've served your country bravely. It's the least I can do. Go on, get in there.

Dick: So you got our note?
Tommy: Your note? No, I just come to this parallel dimension all the time. Mostly mid-week. You know, the theater prices are cheaper, and you miss the bridge and tunnel crowds.