Dick: Sally, you know, fragrance is an integral part of the human experience. The smell of flowers in the springtime, the aroma of fresh baked apple pie.
Harry: A beautiful sunset with pink and orange streaking the sky.
Tommy: Harry, that's a sight, not a smell.
Harry: Oh. Well, I knew it was one of those face hole things.

Nina: And if you think that I won't cause a scene just because we're in a fancy restaurant, you had better think again because I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of your sorry ass and the loser school that owns it because I, Nina Campbell, am quitting! [sobs] I work damn hard for you!
Dick: Nina, sit down. I'm not firing you.
Nina: You're not?
Dick: No.
Nina: Oh. Okay. [clears throat] [clicks fingers to the waiter] Um, I'd like to change my order. Bring me the rack of lamb and a beefeater martini, straight up with an olive.
Dick: But about Dr. Albright's number-
Nina: Don't press your luck.

Nina: Good morning, Dr. Solomon. Isn't it a beautiful day?
Dick: You're in a cheerful mood, Nina. Do you forget that Dr. Albright is gone?
Nina: Nope.
Dick: Nina, do you have the number where Dr. Albright is staying?
Nina: Yep.
Dick: Good. Could you get her on the phone for me, please?
Nina: She said no calls.
Dick: Nina, you work for me, too. When I ask you to do something, you are to do it immediately, no questions asked!
Nina: [laughs] Whoo!

Tommy: Why did I have to come here? I was perfectly happy sitting in my room, fantasizing that August doesn't hate my guts.
Dick: Because you're the information officer. I'm sure you can defeat a simple door lock.
[Tommy punches his hand through the glass and opens the door]
Dick: What are you doing?! This is illegal. Now we're breaking and entering.
Tommy: What did you expect me to do? Beam you in?

Dick: What are you reading?
Sally: Vogue. Ha! Look at this. "Stomachs are in. Breasts are out." Well, that's just basic anatomy.
Dick: Huh. Why don't you look like that?
Sally: Because that woman has used a line of products that promotes moist-looking skin and a vacant look in her eyes.
Dick: Well, get some.
Tommy: I've also noticed, Lieutenant, that most girls smell better than you do.
Sally: All right, it's my job to research women, so I'll get some soap, but I want it understood it's not because I want to smell nice.

Dick: How do you do it?
Mary: Close your eyes. Breathe. Ah. And picture a beautiful place.
Dick: Okay. Yes, I'm there.
Mary: There's a lovely breeze. I'm wearing a gauzy dress. A wave hits me, but it doesn't matter because I've lost that winter weight.
Dick: I take off my shirt. The sun embraces me like thousands of warm fingers.
Mary: I am relaxed and free.
Dick: Even my horse senses your calm.
Mary: I didn't see your big horse, handsome stranger.
Dick: That's because you were distracted by my chiseled pecs.
Nina: [enters] Just then, their secretary arrives to say "it's all-you-can-eat fish day in the cafeteria."
Mary: Ooh, fish. Great. [Mary and Nina exit]
Dick: Ah, yes, fish. My horse likes fish.

Philip: Hi. Care for a complimentary facial from Orca Skin Care for Men?
Harry: I don't think I should.
Philip: Don't you deserve a little time-out for yourself?
Harry: No.
Philip: Come on. Sit down. Relax.
Harry: Ooh! Soft.
Philip: Thank you. [applies lotion to Harry's face]
Harry: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Philip: You really have great skin. You probably stay away from the sun.
Harry: Well, after almost crashing into it, you learn your lesson.

Dick: How's your soap research?
Sally: Oh, it's more than soap, Dick. It's a whole regime. Aviana gave me all these vials of potions to experiment with. Okay, this one dulls my shine. This one brings out my glow. But I'm going to put 'em both on my face at the same time and let 'em fight it out.

Harry: So, does anybody notice anything different about me?
Dick: Your teeth look whiter.
Harry: I bet you think I've been mountain biking, but, no. It's Orca's Sunless Sea Bronzer for Men. Phillip says that it gives the illusion of being in the sun without all of the Elastin damage.
Dick: Who's Phillip?
Harry: My skin care specialist. He taught me that my self-esteem does not rely on what others think of me but, instead, on how I look.
Sally: Well, you look like an idiot.
Harry: Oh? Well, the people at the personnel office didn't seem to think so. You're looking at the new Orca Pour Homme representative. I get to wear a sailor's suit.

Sally: Dick, I made you a sandwich. Aren't you ever coming home?
Dick: Not until I find out where Dr. Albright is staying. Oh, mama! Walk that around. Why did I say that?
Sally: It's okay. I've been getting that all day. Everywhere I go, men just react like that, even construction workers. You know, this stuff changes you somehow. It's like the clogged pores keep your self-esteem from escaping. I think I like it.