Pam: Hey, having fun?
Andy: Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.
Pam: Well, I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. ... I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here?
Andy: I found my calling.
Darryl: Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.
Pam: Guys, I don't like this analogy.

Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley! Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fire!
Erin: Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day! [Dwight pinches Stanley's nose and covers his mouth]
Stanley: Mmm! [struggles] Ugh!
Dwight K. Schrute: Good morning.

Dwight K. Schrute: Attention, Dunder Mifflin group. Proceed outside. The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned. Shotgun goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan.

Jim: Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Very funny, Jim.
Jim: Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, "For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?" and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna set your face on fire.
Jim: That's a good one.

Andy: It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin... [drops pin, no noise] I thought that would be cooler.
Darryl: I loved it.
Meredith: Hey, can you pick up the pin? Some of us like to work in our bare feet.
Andy: Of course, I will pick up the pin. It is right here. Got it.
Oscar: Can we see that? Did you really find it?
Andy: Yes, right here. Got it. Dink, ow. [chuckles, clicks tongue] In the trash.

Jim: You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote.
Dwight K. Schrute: You didn't poison me, it's just stress.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: What is the antidote?
Jim: True love's kiss.

Dwight K. Schrute: I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head. [whimpers as he reaches up]
Todd: I can do it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [screams in agony as he reaches for the project string] There we go.

Nellie: Why are you sitting down like that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Why is everyone else standing up?

Jim: Wow. Are you that bored?
Stanley: It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.
Jim: Is that another motto?
Stanley: It's whatever you want. [offers Jim the bottle]
Jim: Mmm.
Stanley: Or do you only drink with your kids?
Jim: Ah, let's do it. [laughs] Oh, that's healthy.

Dwight K. Schrute: I'll be on top. It's the most important position.
Ryan: Dude, I think you have appendicitis.
Dwight K. Schrute: [tries to climb human pyramid] Ahh!
Ryan: Dwight?
Jim: Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while?
Dwight K. Schrute: Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit!
Todd: Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen.