Dwight K. Schrute: Arrest Jim. He poisoned me.
Jim: Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty.

Andy: Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through.
Darryl: Oh [bleep] yeah.
Andy: Up high.
Darryl: Yes, sir. Thanks.
Andy: [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. [whispers to Kelly] I put out some new magazines, check it out.
Creed: Ah, Dwell.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. [phone rings] Oh, there's the phone! [runs out]

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in.
Erin: Well, we broke into groups and the groups are doing presentations later.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who's doing the presentations?
Erin: Packer's giving one. [Dwight growls] Jim'll probably give ours, I guess.
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it!
Erin: Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution. [wearing name tags on both her shirt and her pants] What else?

Dwight K. Schrute: I want that vice-presidency.
Jim: You haven't done any of the research.
Dwight K. Schrute: "You're too slow, you're too small, Seabiscuit is a stupid name." You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit. I'm going to do it.

Dwight K. Schrute: Alright, who's ready for the next presentation?
Nellie: Ah, what is your topic?
Dwight K. Schrute: What is our topic? Oh, what a topic it is.
Erin: Retail consumer habits.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? Okay. Retail consumer habits is... [sighs] The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do. [Erin makes first Powerpoint slide appear] Fast forward to today, and the retail consumer is independent, well-informed, super smart. Super smart. Okay.

Dwight K. Schrute: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions?
Nellie: What are the three pillars of retail?
Erin: [whispers] Convenience.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ingredients.
Erin: Service.
Dwight K. Schrute: Burgers.
Erin: Building loyalty.
Dwight K. Schrute: Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters.

Nellie: How are you feeling?
Dwight K. Schrute: Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle.
Nellie: Can I see the wound?
Dwight K. Schrute: [show her the wound] Oh God.
Nellie: Oh! That's disgusting. That's barely healed.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're not paying me to heal, you're paying me to kick ass.
Nellie: A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's right.

Dwight K. Schrute: I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix. [holds up a bloody medical bag]

Erin: Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I-
Wally Amos: Is it oatmeal with no raisins?
Erin: I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

Nellie: We have the Sabre Pyramid, right? Hmm? We've got a bunch of humans. You guys, humans... pyramid. Human pyramid. Do you follow? It's a team-building exercise. You'll love it. Who's in? Hmm?
Todd: Yup. Tallahassee, let's go.
Erin: Jim, are you in?
Jim: Oh, I don't know.
Stanley: Sounds like a hoot. I'm in.
Jim: All right, what the heck? Let's do it.
Todd: This is great. This is gonna be great.
Nellie: I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt.