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Suit Warehouse

‘Suit Warehouse’

Season 9, Episode 11 -  Aired January 17, 2013

Dwight and Clark pretend to be father and son for a sales call to a family business. Meanwhile, Darryl and Pam visit Jim's new workplace in Philadelphia, while the Scranton office gets an espresso machine.

Quote from Pam

Pam: You ready for your interview?
Darryl: I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy's job in the bag until my interview.
Pam: Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim.
Darryl: Yeah, I guess.
Pam: Really, you can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he's basically Gumby with hair.


Quote from Kevin

Oscar: You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy?
Nellie: No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder?
Kevin: Taste test? I'm in!
Oscar: YOLO! [singing and dancing]
Phyllis: What?
Oscar: It's a thing. It means "you only live once".
Kevin: Yeah, we're aware of what it means, Oscar. You just do not look cool saying it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Dwight K. Schrute: But I think that all of your concerns will be answered when you see the brochure that Clark's getting out of my car. He's a good boy, does whatever I say.
Sam Stone, Sr.: [sighs] I can't relate to that, my son hates my guts.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, really?
Sam Stone, Sr.: Bring him into the business, and he resents me. How do you like that?
Dwight K. Schrute: [fumbling] Well, things between me and Clark are good, but not great. In fact, I will say that they're not even good. Really, they're bad. Like you and your son.
Clark: [enters] Here you go, Pop! I know it was just a couple minutes, but... God I missed you!
Dwight K. Schrute: What took you so long? Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie?
Clark: [confused] I sure was. Just like he taught me, looking cool.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're being disrespectful!
Clark: ...And I love you, for saying that.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispers to Clark] We don't get along.
Clark: Ha ha! I just burned him. Because the truth is... our relationship is... terr-
Dwight K. Schrute: Terrible!
Clark: Terrible.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes! Genius. Stupid, stupid genius!

Quote from Darryl

Pam: Wow, this place is so great. I had no idea. On the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky.
Jim: Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so... These things go down all the time.
Darryl: If this company's going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Clark: So for your menswear catalog, I think we can offer you some very competitive pricing.
Sam Stone, Sr.: I heard that before...
Clark: Well, I understand, but–
Dwight K. Schrute: I bet you have. He knows nothing about what people have heard before, my son.
Clark: Here we go again, another lecture from the old man.
Sam Stone, Sr.: Listen to him. He created you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe if you listened a little bit, you'd improve. No wonder women despise you.
Clark: Women don't despise me.
Dwight K. Schrute: oh. His last girlfriend was a transvestite. I knew it right away. Adam's apple like the prow of a ship, thumbs like a lowland gorilla. Ha, but this one couldn't see it, or didn't wanna see it.
Clark: Alright, that's enough, ‘cause I can say some things about him, too.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah? Like what?
Clark: Like the time that you got drunk and, and then... killed those kids on their way to prom!
Dwight K. Schrute: That never happened. He's always been a liar. Ever since he was a little kid and ge got caught "saving treats" from the kitty litter box.
Sam Stone, Sr.: Really shameful...
Clark: So we can offer you matte or glossy printing-
Dwight K. Schrute: Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers.
Clark: There's obviously a volume discount uh, if you-
Dwight K. Schrute: Following the cat around on his knees with his hands cupped beneath its tail, going "Please kitty, may I have some more?" You can't make this stuff up!
Clark: No, I think someone could make it up. Someone with very few friends.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Sam Stone, Jr.: Hey fellas, sorry to keep you waiting.
Sam Stone, Sr.: There he is, my son.
Dwight K. Schrute: [scoffs] Got cat turd collector written all over him.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Did you say cat turd collector?

Quote from Clark

Sam Stone, Jr.: I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper?
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you mind? The men are talking.
Sam Stone, Sr.: Sons used to idolize their fathers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract?
Sam Stone, Jr.: I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay Pop...
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, so you're the boss?
Sam Stone, Jr.: That's right.
Clark: Hi, I'm Clark.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Hey.
Clark: Let's talk.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Okay.
Clark: So if you look at our catalog here...

Quote from Clark

Clark: I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out.
Sam Stone, Jr.: Does that suit come with a fire extinguisher? [Clark chuckles]
Clark: You know what, Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house".
Sam Stone, Jr.: He's got you there.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Sam Stone, Jr.: [to Clark in dressing room] That's Italian silk. Very comfortable. Very tasteful... Although expensive.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, you don't want Italian. You'll look like a mafia don. Next thing you know, you'll be doing life in Rikers Island.
Clark: Well, that's better than looking like the undertaker from boring island.
Dwight K. Schrute: That place doesn't exist. It's not a documented island. Ha ha, cartograph much?
Clark: How do I look?
Dwight K. Schrute: Actually, you look great. They steered you right. I guess it does make sense buying from a father son team. You know what? I'll take one, too.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Clark: You opened the door.
Dwight K. Schrute: And you closed it. The boys are back in town. High fives! Ha ha!
Clark: Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right?
Dwight K. Schrute: You got me! I used to collect them.
Clark: Why?
Dwight K. Schrute: Each one is very different, like a snowflake.

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