Andy: Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes so I put Splenda in yours. See, how many did I put in there? [singing] One, two, three, four Splendas in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia 'cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather...
Stanley: Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
Andy: No. Well, I actually only put in two but that's not how the song goes.

Stanley: Are you out of your damn mind?
Andy: Are you out of your damn mind? You bring an angel like that into this office and you don't even set me up with her.
Stanley: We're not friends. I didn't think about it.
Andy: We are friends, Stanley. We're friends. And you let me down.
Stanley: You really like her, huh?
Andy: Yeah. I really like her with all my heart.
Stanley: Give me two clients for her.

Michael Scott: I grab this, and I turn it on and I say, "Prepare yourself "for the Utica chain store massacre.
Karen: No. No, that is incredibly dangerous.
Michael Scott: Don't worry. The chain is off.
Pam: No, it's not.
Karen: You know, I think I'm just gonna distill all of this and send it in an email to my team.
Michael Scott: Email's not scary. This is an opportunity. Don't- Don't blow it.

Jim: [on the phone] How old's Kelly?
Dwight K. Schrute: Who is this?
Jim: It's Mose. Who do you think it is?
Dwight K. Schrute: Mose doesn't know how to use a phone, so joke's on you.
Jim: Look, I'm at the supermarket and they only have numbered candles. How old is she?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, 24. 37.
Jim: Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll call you back.

Pam: Are you asleep?
Michael Scott: No, I'm just thinking about what you said. About Karen, about closure. You remember Holly? She used to work for H.R.
Pam: No, remind me.
Michael Scott: Blonde hair. Nice boobs. Not too big, not too small.
Pam: Perfect boobs. Of course I remember Holly.
Michael Scott: She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she- She just left. And I didn't- I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that.
Pam: Okay, let's go.
Michael Scott: [scoffs] I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester.
Pam: Yeah. Screw 'em. Let's do this.

Jim: This morning, the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that our phones have a P.A. function. And then he just left.

Michael Scott: And we're off! Like a herd of turtles.

Jim: Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Screw you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me. That is no way to address a superior.
Kelly: Oh, yeah? Screw you, too.
Jim: What was that all about?
Phyllis: You forgot her birthday. It was yesterday.

Jim: Go ahead.
Dwight K. Schrute: Go ahead. You do it.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: I insist.
Jim: Basically, after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them both to step down from the party committee 'cause there was too much drama.
Dwight K. Schrute: What he said was-
Jim: Easy.
Dwight K. Schrute: -there was a problem with having one head of the party committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads.
Jim: Party planning is-
Dwight K. Schrute: I am a salesman.
Jim: -the stupidest thing I've ever done.
Dwight K. Schrute: This is humiliating. That's on my side.
Jim: So this is fun.

Pam: Can I turn on the radio?
Michael Scott: No, I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare.
Pam: But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do.
Michael Scott: Then listen to your iPod.
Pam: That's dangerous.
Michael Scott: Well, then You know what? Let's just talk.
Pam: That's okay. I can- I'm fine. I'll just play a song in my head.