Pam: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me and she still hates me, so.

Jim: Are you kidding?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not done yet.
Jim: Dwight, this fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight K. Schrute: They match the carpet.
Jim: What is that? "It is your birthday, period"
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a statement of fact.
Jim: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer.
Jim: I can't believe how bad this looks.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.

Michael Scott: I am a theatrical person. Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor because I have these memorization tricks that I use. For instance, I learned the pledge of allegiance by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald. [singing] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America And to the republic for which it stands One nation under God With a woof-woof here And a woof-woof there Here a woof, there a woof, Everywhere a woof, woof- You get it.