Michael Scott: [on phone, over P.A.] Yes, Michael Scott for Dr. Jocelyn, please. Hello, Doctor. I was just following up about my mole again. No, I was looking online about sebaceous cysts. I have not been squeezing it. Could I stick it with a pin?

Michael Scott: [over P.A.] Toby Flenderson to the principal's office. Your mother called. And it appears that you wet the bed again. So you have to get home to wash your sheets because they're yellow and they're wet with your urine.

Michael Scott: [over P.A.] And at 6'6" from the University of North Carolina, Jim Halpert!
Jim: That's pretty funny. Hey, you know what? Did I drop my-
Michael Scott: What?
Jim: What the heck- Is that- [cuts phone cord with scissors]
Michael Scott: You find it?
Jim: I didn't.
Michael Scott: [over P.A. which no longer works] I'll look somewhere else. Would you like fries with that? Please drive around.

Pam: I love being on the road, but I especially love the time-and-a-half pay 24 hours a day, 'cause I have a mortgage now. Gotta bring home the bucks.
Michael Scott: Yeah, don't say "bucks". That's not ladylike. So, what we do is we drive all day and stay in hotels together at night.
Pam: Separate rooms.
Michael Scott: That goes without saying.
Pam: I'm gonna say it anyway.

Kelly: My birthday was yesterday and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.

Andy: Um, Phyllis, who's that?
Phyllis: She's out of your league, Andy.
Andy: For your information, I've been with lots of beautiful women.
Phyllis: Sexually?
Andy: This conversation is over.

Andy: I am single now. What we have here is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. I intend to win.

Karen: Hey. Hi, guys.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Is that Jim's?
Karen: What?
Pam: Michael!
Karen: Of course not.
Michael Scott: Okay. Wow. Oh, man. My head just exploded. Thank god. For everybody, right? Okay. Wow. You're huge! That's incredible! I- God. Sorry. Sorry, my head is I'm just I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex.
Karen: Let's just get this over with, shall we?
Michael Scott: Ten. Ten months?

Dwight K. Schrute: Have you collected the money from everyone?
Jim: I am working on it.
Dwight K. Schrute: How much do you have?
Jim: $6.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's how much you and I contributed! Damn it, Jim!
Jim: I said I was working on it.

Michael Scott: I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me your names. I have an amazing "pneumonic" device by which I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty. Mole. Lazy eye. Mexico. Baldy. Sugar boobs. Black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are, and I have used that to memorize your name. Baldy. Your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny. It is reflective. Like a mirror. "M." Your name is Mark.
Mark: Yes.
Michael Scott: Got it. It works.
Karen: It's very insulting.
Michael Scott: But it works.
Michael Scott: I would like you all to give this a shot. What do you say?
Mark: But we already know each other's names.
Michael Scott: Well, then it will be easier for you. But I still think it's worthwhile to give it a try.