David: [on the phone] Hey, guys. I have with me Dwight Schrute. Dwight, take it away.
Dwight K. Schrute: Listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy, sweet sugary candy, from the second it touches my tongue to the moment its metabolized by my stomach acid, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.
Guy: Wait, do you guys hear that? There's not a dog listening in is there? I hear panting.
David: No. No dogs.
Dwight K. Schrute: So, I love Willy Wonka. The golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I came up with that idea.
Michael Scott: [bursting into the room] There is no movie called Willy Wonka. It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Pam: It's actually based on a book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Michael Scott: I can't vouch for that. But I do know this, he is a liar. He has taken my idea.

Michael Scott: Here we go. Knock knock.
Pam: Who's there?
Michael Scott: Buddha.
Pam: Buddha who?
Michael Scott: Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: I need something to wipe my hand.
Pam: Yeah, there's butter on my desk.
Michael Scott: A classic.

Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. "I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair."
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.

Jim: It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.
Michael Scott: Really? That's kind of a big client. Hey, Oscar. How much of a hit is 10% of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent? They're our largest client. That's going to hurt.
Jim: Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom. What's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say "Limit one per customer"? Nope, it doesn't.

Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey! You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.
Michael Scott: Sir, I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes, and somehow they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael Scott: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael Scott: Okay, I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?

Michael Scott: Nobody panic. The good news is, they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael Scott: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael Scott: Well, Oscar, you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?

Stanley: I've got a golden ticket idea. Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off?
Michael Scott: That is not constructive.

Pam: [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Hi, David. He's having a colonoscopy. All right, I'll find out if he's out yet.

Andy: [talking over Jim and Pam] Put your heart out there like that, it's liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick. It has barbecue sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that.

Michael Scott: We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something, and I will say what you're thinking.
Dwight K. Schrute: What am I thinking right now?
Michael Scott: Nacho chips.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I was thinking about how the skin is the largest organ of the body.
Michael Scott: Okay. Let me just cut to the chase. I want you to fall on your sword for me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, not gonna happen.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.