Michael Scott: [as Santa] Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children!
All: Merry Christmas.
Michael Scott: How's everybody doing today?
Erin: Good.
Michael Scott: How's the party coming along?
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: Are we over budget?
Pam: Nope.
Michael Scott: No? Good. Did anyone get drunk already?
Meredith: Not yet!
Michael Scott: Good for you. Angela, lay it on me. What's the problem?
Angela: Nothing. Should be fun.
Michael Scott: So, Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today?
Stanley: [upbeat] Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine.
Michael Scott: Alright. Well, I will be in my office making toys for the good children. Andy?
Andy: Yeah?
Michael Scott: Whatcha got?
Andy: All good, Santa.
Michael Scott: Well, that's a relief. Santa's gonna take some much-needed free time. Alright. Good!

Michael Scott: My kids are growing up. As a boss, I look at that and say great. It is exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that's what I want. That's what every boss wants is a, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama.

Kelly: It's present time, you guys. Happy Holidays from your friends at Sabre.
Gabe: We just want to say how grateful we are.
[aside to camera:]
Kelly: Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said, "Oh, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do."

Jim: Hey, it's snowing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful.

Toby: Uh, I just wanted to let you know that, uh, I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael Scott: Uh, because you've been on the lam? Because the 'boring police' have been after you, and they finally caught up with you?
Toby: Uh, no, the opposite. I was actually selected to be a juror on a very high-profile case.
Michael Scott: Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict, it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby!
Dwight K. Schrute: Death to Toby!
Toby: Okay, that's hurtful talk. We've talked about that. You know, I don't interrupt your announcements.
Michael Scott: You know what you- You- You leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do?

Meredith: What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings.
Kevin: Yeah.
Meredith: That scowl.

Jim: Um, I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and uh, he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself. And, uh, [cell phone chimes] then... [reading text message] "How 'bout icing it? LOL. Dwight."

Holly: You guys, it wasn't my fault.
Kevin: Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!

Jim: [finds a present on his desk] "Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese." [opens the box and a snowball is catapulted at his face] Damn it, Dwight!
Dwight K. Schrute: Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.

Angela: Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton.
Robert: Hi.
Oscar: Senator, it's an honor. I'm Angela's friend Oscar.
Robert: Oscar. A pleasure.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor.