Dwight K. Schrute: Michael! My water's breaking!
Michael Scott: Okay! Okay!
Dwight K. Schrute: What do you do?
Michael Scott: I get a call from Jan and meet her at the hospital.
Dwight K. Schrute: Right. Highways or surface roads?
Michael Scott: I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Gibson is covered in potholes. Your car breaks down. Adapt!
Michael Scott: I checked the route, there are no potholes.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's about adapting to the circumstances.
Michael Scott: Andy, would you like to have my baby?
Andy: Yes! Yes!
Dwight K. Schrute: No. Okay, I'm crowning! I'm crowning!
Michael Scott: All right. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go!
Dwight K. Schrute: The pressure! The pressure!
Michael Scott: Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out!

Michael Scott: Just keep pushing.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hold me!
Michael Scott: I'm right here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cradle my head!
Michael Scott: I'm right here!
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm screaming, I'm screaming!
Michael Scott: All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe.
Dwight K. Schrute: Numb me up. I want anesthesia!
Michael Scott: Ssh. No, you can't have it. It's too late.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, I don't want natural!
Michael Scott: You have to just push it out! Okay! Keep simulating.
Dwight K. Schrute: Do you have the Sharpie? Do you have the Sharpie?
Michael Scott: Yes, I do!
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy.
Michael Scott: OK.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ready?
Michael Scott: Yes. It's coming! Here we go! [drops watermelon to the ground] God! What was on that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Butter. Newborns are slippery.
Michael Scott: Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again. [later, while eating watermelon] It is going to be the happiest day of my life.

Phyllis: I do enjoy being the head of the Party Planning Committee. I'm no longer under Angela's heel, and her little grape head is under mine.
Michael Scott: [knocking on the glass] Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don't talk to them.
Phyllis: Sorry.
Michael Scott: Make the party. Don't. Make the party, please.

Andy: I got the Nard-puppy for ya. What's going on here?
Angela: It's a baby game where you guess whose picture is whose. Check it out.
Andy: Aww. Who would have thought that this little baby would be marrying that little baby?
Angela: That's Phyllis.
Andy: Well... It is. So I hope you two are very happy together. Pervert.
Andy: Why would that make me a pervert?
Angela: Well, it does. That's me.
Andy: That's not you.
Angela: Yes it is.
Andy: That's mean, come on, that's...

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: As-
Jan: -trid.
Michael Scott: -trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're gonna know them for the rest of your life.
Jan: Well-
Michael Scott: [looking at Creed] Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. Lion King!
Jan: Michael, Michael! That's- That's too high. I'll take that.

Holly: Are you OK? You seem kind of-
Michael Scott: I'm fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in.

Michael Scott: All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes.
Jan: Thank you. That's very sweet.
Michael Scott: Whatta we got?
Angela: We all chipped in and got you this stroller.
Jan: Thank you.
Michael Scott: She already has a stroller.
Kelly: And this is way worse than the stroller she came with.
Oscar: She's got an Orbit, that's a $1,200 stroller.
Dwight K. Schrute: Pfft. $1,200 for a stroller?

Jim: [on the phone] Hey. You busy?
Pam: Not even. I'm doing laundry for the first time in like a month.
Jim: Okay, you gotta hear this. So, Jan's shower is going on right now, she's singing Son of a Preacher Man-
Pam: I can't hear anything-
Jim: Everyone's just staring at her.
Pam: There's like machines going.
Jim: The song is about losing your virginity next to a church, and guess what, she's been singing for the last 20 minutes!
Pam: I can't hear anything!
Jim: Oh. Okay, well you know what, I- Well, just call me later.

Pam: I'm not frustrated. Even if I were in Scranton, Jim and I would have days like this. We're just a little out of sync. You know, that's all. Oh, great. I washed my lipstick.

Dwight K. Schrute: Don't hit the fence. Oh, no. My child! Don't get stuck on the barbed wire! Playtime is over!