Michael Scott: So this is Astird?
Jan: Astrid.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay. Why didn't you call me?
Jan: Well, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and-
Michael Scott: I could have helped.
Jan: And the birth instructor thought it wasn't a good idea for you to be there.
Michael Scott: That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways.

Michael Scott: Ready to play some games? Let's do it!
Kevin: Michael, the baby's already been born.
Michael Scott: Uh, duh.
Kevin: So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them.
Michael Scott: No, the baby doesn't ruin anything, Kevin, okay? The baby multiplies the fun. Let's just do what you were going to do.
Kevin: Who wants to guess when the baby will be born?

Dwight K. Schrute: $1,200 is what I spent on my whole bomb shelter. For that kind of money, this stroller should be indestructible.

Jan: [singing] How well I remember The look that was in his eyes Stealing kisses from me on the sly Taking time to make time Telling me that he's all mine Learning from each other's knowing Looking to see how much we've grown. And the only...

Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I had a tub birth. And it was really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah. It's a- It's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: So you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Stanley: [eating cake] I'm done.
Oscar: Me too.
Jan: And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth.

Michael Scott: Hey guys.
Darryl: What's up, Mike?
Michael Scott: Uh. I need some advice from one baby daddy to another.
Darryl: [chuckling] You, a baby daddy?
Michael Scott: Yeah. I, a baby daddy. Um. When you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby?
Darryl: Hell yeah. You know why? 'Cause that was my baby.
Michael Scott: Oh, I just saw this baby daddy-
Darryl: You should stop calling yourself "baby daddy".
Michael Scott: Why, Darryl? Because I'm quote white quote unquote?
Darryl: Because you're not a daddy, and it's not your baby. You feel connected to his baby over there?
Michael Scott: It's- That's different.
Darryl: You feel connected to this?
Michael Scott: That's not a baby.
Darryl: You want to hold me, to see how you feel?

Jan: Oh, I was just catching up on my sleep.
Holly: I can imagine.
Jan: Where's Astrid?
Holly: Oh, I think she's on a sales call.
Jan: On a what?
Holly: Waa! More paper! Waa! [laughing] No, she's just on a coffee break.
Jan: [sarcastically] That's funny.
Holly: She's with Angela.

Holly: You still gonna be mean to me? [Michael hugs Holly]
Michael Scott: You wanna go out?
Holly: Yes.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.

Phyllis: Okay, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
Kevin: But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
Phyllis: I know, Kevin.
Oscar: Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby?
Phyllis: Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Contractions are coming every 10 minutes.
Michael Scott: Okay, just remember to keep breathing.
Dwight K. Schrute: My cervix is ripening.
Michael Scott: Okay, good.