TV Quotes

Mike: Why the hell would you agree to do Thanksgiving at 8:00 in the morning?
Sue: Yeah, Mom. Why?
Frankie: Why? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm the Boy Mom. That's why. I am fighting for scraps here. I got no cards, no chips. I take what I can get. And what I can get is fourth place behind April's parents, her great aunt, and Grandma Tee-Tee. So if April says that Thanksgiving dinner's gonna be at 8:00 a.m., I say, "Thank you, ma'am. I'll see you then!" And that's the way it's gonna be from now on.
Sue: What does that mean?
Frankie: It means that if they get married, do you think I'm gonna have any say in what color I wear at the wedding? If she says yellow, I'm wearing yellow. And when they have a baby, her mom gets first pick at the cute grandma names, like "Meemaw" and "Glamama."
Mike: You're getting a little ahead of yourself.
Frankie: Am I? When Betty Horrigan's son was getting married, she told her daughter-in-law she didn't like the calligraphy on the wedding invitations. That was 10 years ago. Now Betty has to hide in the woods to watch her grandson play soccer.
Brick: I still think you caved too early.
Frankie: Oh, do you think that, Brick? Well, I'll tell you what I think. I think this is April's world and we're just living in it! She's the gatekeeper now.

Mike: I thought you just saw them.
Frankie: Exactly. "Them." He's never alone. It's always him and "Ap-ril."
Mike: You got to stop saying her name like "Ap-ril."
Frankie: Look, I have been trying with April. I really have. Like, just today, when we were waiting for Axl to buy sneakers, I thought it'd be nice to take her for ice cream. So I order mine. And then when the guy asks her, "What do you want?", she says... get this... "Oh, I don't like ice cream." Who doesn't like ice cream? It's in the song... "We all scream for ice cream." It's not, "Some people scream and other people just watch you like you're a big pig 'cause you got three scoops."
Mike: You got three scoops?
Frankie: [scoffs] I didn't have breakfast today.
Mike: Yeah, you did.
Frankie: Well, I didn't have a big one.
Mike: Yeah, you did! You finished Brick's.
Frankie: Okay, I'm on a new vitamin that makes me hungry! Look, the point is, I love our son. I mean, he's so handsome, and he has twinkly eyes and street smarts, and if you take away his horrible disrespect for us and the fact that he likes to lay around in his underwear, he is quite a catch. I'm sorry. I think that he could do better than April. See, I said it normal that time.
Mike: I can't see your face.
Frankie: Can you see my finger?

Brick: Do we have any details about the cause of Aunt Edie's death?
Mike: Just one. She was 96.
Brick: Interesting. Has anyone questioned Helen Riley? She was the perennial runner-up to Aunt Edie in the church pie contest.

Sue: Okay, so, what do we do? Dad didn't give us enough drywall to fix a hole this big. He's gonna freak out.
Brick: I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be really rough for you.
Sue: Me? You're the one who did this.
Brick: Well, you're the older sister who left her little brother to do major home repair on his own. Besides, if Dad flips out, I can just play the quirk card. I shrug, I look confused, throw in a few whoops and whispers, lick something if I have to... I'm off scot-free.
Sue: Oh, my God. You're diabolical.
Brick: I am not diabolical. [whispers] Diabolical. [normal voice] It's so easy. [whispers] It's so easy. [normal voice] Okay, that one wasn't planned.