Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Mike: Look, Brick, you're freaking yourself out here. The news is on 24 hours a day now, so they got to keep drumming up scary stuff so people will watch.
Brick: But it's all true. It's all stuff that's really happening.
Mike: Sure, but what you got to do is ignore it. That's what I do. Anything that's gonna be bad news: TV, the internet, parent/teacher conferences... I ignore it. Embrace denial. You'll be much happier. Then, when you turn 21, embrace beer.
Frankie: [sighs] Nice parenting there, Dad.

Frankie: The point is, things aren't really as bad as they make them sound. Did you know there's actually fewer kidnappings now than there were 20 years ago? It's just 'cause we get our news faster, so we hear about them more often.
Brick: So, I shouldn't be worried about being kidnapped?
Frankie: No, of course not.
Brick: Then why can't I go to the mall by myself or talk to strangers?
Frankie: Well, you still have to be on alert.
Brick: For what?
Frankie: You know, for things that will never happen but you should still be cautious about.
Brick: You just said I don't need to worry about being kidnapped. Why do I need to be cautious?
Frankie: Look, you don't. You shouldn't think about it at all. But... j-just keep it in the back of your mind.

Brad: Sue, I've been here an hour, and you haven't even asked about me. How's my girlfriend in Canada? She's great. Thanks for asking. How come I'm not driving my Miata? The mechanic says it needs a makeover. Boo. Did I get the male lead in the Annie musical? You bet your bottom dollar I did.