Axl Quote #1152
Quote from Axl in Role of a Lifetime
Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."
Features in the collection: The Frugal Hoosier.
The Middle Quotes
‘The Frugal Hoosier’
Quote from Frankie in Ovary and Out
Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?
Quote from Axl in While You Were Sleeping
Axl: Now, what you want is eye-level placement. That's your premium shelf.
Brick: Huh. I'm gonna turn these bottles around so that way, people can't read the labels.
Axl: Now you're getting it, Brick.
Brick: Yeah.
Manager: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Axl: Hi, I'm Axl Heck. We just happen to have the best barbecue sauce money can buy, and we have chosen the Frugal Hoosier as the flagship provider for our launch of Heck Brothers Old-timey Barbecue sauce. We sold 11 jars of the stuff at the swap meet, so you know it's good.
Manager: Yeah, I don't know what you think you're doing, but there is a process to getting your food on the shelves. Is this stuff even FDA approved?
Axl: I'm sorry. I thought this was America.
Brick: Darn tootin'.
‘Role of a Lifetime’ Quotes
Quote from Brick
Brick: You're not gonna believe this. Today, in the hall between third and fourth period, I saw Cindy... hatless. Hatless! That's not a tic. I'm just repeating it for emphasis. [whispers] Emphasis. Damn it.
Quote from Frankie
Brick: Hey, while we're airing dirty laundry, which I'm wearing, by the way, I've worn the same outfit for three weeks.
Frankie: Hey, buzz, buzz! You think you have it bad? I have to be the beacon of hope for this family. I have to make sure everyone's emotional needs are met. And, by the way, if it weren't for me, we wouldn't even have a family to have a family meeting about, 'cause I pushed every single one of you out of my body! [all groan] That's right. I gave you life!
Axl: Yeah, you gave us this life! Not exactly something to brag about. [overlapping bickering]
Quote from Brick
Brick: You think my role in the family is being nothing? Well... you are correct.
Frankie: Wait, what?
Brick: That's right. I demand nothing. I'm the cactus that grows without the water of attention. I didn't need braces, I have no after-school activities that require your attendance, I don't burden you with worrying about me staying out too late with "friends."
Mike: He's got a point there.
Brick: My role as the unnoticed is perhaps the most important one in the family. Because I ask for nothing, you guys don't have to do anything. You don't have to thank me. I just appreciate you hearing me out.