Frankie: Okay, I wrote Axl an e-mail. Listen to this. "How dare you?"
Mike: Off to a great start.
Frankie: "Yes, things may have been said and feelings may have been hurt, but to not show up for Thanksgiving without so much as a phone call? I am outraged! Yes, that's right, outraged! So you listen here, you little punk..."
Mike: Are you sure you're happy with the tone?
Frankie: Tone? What tone? "Listen, you little punk, I've got two other kids, so if you think..." Yeah, I'm hearing it now. I'm gonna tweak this.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, over the next few days, I tried to find the right tone.
[Frankie is in the kitchen while Mike hits the microwave]
Frankie: "Axl, I am truly sorry for the things I said about April, and I just want you to know that I miss you every day. I can't stop thinking about..."
[Frankie is in the bathroom as Mike works on the shower head:]
Frankie: "...what a jerk you're being. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not so sure I want to be around such a..."
[Frankie is outside as Mike works on the barbecue:]
Frankie: "...sweet, loving boy who lights up my life..."
[Frankie is in bed as Mike works on his faulty bedside lamp:]
Frankie: "...that I gave you, which you obviously don't appreciate. I guess you just don't care about that. But I can guarantee you this... you're gonna be so sad when I'm dead." [lights goes out]

Sue: No, no, no. No more. You are not gonna live like this. Telling Sue Heck not to decorate her room is like telling Michael Phelps not to get wet. Sue, give me that picture.
Sue: Are you gonna put it back up?
Brad: [chuckles] Oh, we're gonna do more than that. Give me a glue stick.
Sue: Regular or glitter?
Brad: What do you think?
Sue: Glitter. Okay, cool.

Frankie: Check it out. Potato snowman. Oh, look! This one has legs. And it's anatomically correct.
Mike: Put some shorts on that thing!
Frankie: Oh, you know who would love this? Axl! I've been looking for the perfect way to break the ice, and this is it. I'm gonna text him a picture of it. He's gonna think it's hilarious. He won't be able to help himself. He'll text me back with some funny comment. I'll reply with something witty. We'll both "LOL" and smiley face each other, and before you know it, everything will be back to normal. [sighs] You know, I was kind of mad at you when you couldn't help me write the e-mail, but now I'm glad you're completely useless.
Mike: Glad to not be of service.

Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza [talks] Hey, Mom. Do we have a hole punch?
Frankie: Brick, you've been singing that commercial for days. Oh, crap. Is this some kind of new tick?
Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza [talks] Is what a new tick?

Mike: Hey. Got a minute?
Axl: Uh... sure. Yeah.
Mike: Huh. Still got the hole in the roof, huh?
Axl: Yeah. It was nice in the summer. Winter, not so much.

Mike: Text your mom about the dirty carrot.
Axl: Do you know what April would say if she found out Mom had the audacity to say she wasn't smart?
Mike: First you'd have to tell her what "audacity" meant.
Axl: What is that supposed to mean?
Mike: It means your mom is right! Your girlfriend's as dumb as a bag of hammers! And we all think so!
[later, Mike returns home:]
Mike: I'm out. He's not talking to me anymore. And I took Sue and Brick down with me.

Dr. Fulton: Hey. I hear one of my favorite students is having some trouble in the disciplinary department.
Brick: Hey, Dr. Fulton.
Dr. Fulton: Hey, Brick. Hey, let's talk. So, why did Mrs. Roberts send you down here?
Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza [talks] Well, I said, "You're gonna love our pizza", and she got mad. But when I...
Dr. Fulton: I'm gonna stop you right there for just a second. Did you hear yourself when you say, "You're gonna love our pizza"?
Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza [talks] Did I just do it?
Dr. Fulton: Yeah. Yeah. You know, Brick, you're new to high school, and a lot of the teachers might not be hip yet to your... you know, your quirks and your eccentricities. You know, and that's no problemo. You know, I-I'm happy to give them the 411. But it's just... You know, but in the meantime, how... how are things going in your world?
Brick: [sings jingle] You're gonna love our pizza
Dr. Fulton: Uh-huh.

Sue: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, what? You dropped out?
Brad: Yes, everything I own is in my car, and I haven't even told my parents yet.
Sue: What? I don't get it. NYU was your dream school.
Brad: More like nightmare. Everyone there is so dark and intense. I just had such a different upbringing, a whole different training.
[flashback:]
Brad: "I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody!"
Pizza Hut Manager: Bigger?
Brad: "I coulda been a contender! I coulda been somebody!"
Pizza Hut Manager: Bigger!
Brad: "I coulda been a contender! I coulda been somebody!"
Pizza Hut Manager: I could say bigger, but I don't know if I could handle it!

Brad: I've always been the star. I got Snoopy as a freshman when we did You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. At Dollywood, I quickly went from Cowboy #3 to Cowboy #2.
Sue: Yeah!
Brad: I mean, my ascent has been meteoric. But it was different at NYU.
[flashback:]
Brad: "I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody!"
NYU Acting Coach: Smaller.
Brad: "I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody."
NYU Acting Coach: Smaller.
Brad: "I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody." [smiles]