Sue: I feel like we're puppies no one wants, and Sarah McLachlan should be singing a song about us.
Lexie: This is ridiculous. They said three months. It's gonna be spring, and we're still trapped here.
Sue: I know, right? Kind of makes you wish you had any other options.
Lexie: I'm sorry, Sue. I just can't.
Sue: Okay, look. I know you didn't want your dad to put us up at an awesome apartment because you wanted the college experience, but I think we've had the college experience. And the orphanage experience. And the prison experience.
Lexie: [sighs] Sue, I know we'll get out of here, if we can just stick it out a little longer. I'm building so much character. Look at me. I'm eating ramen out of a Tupperware.
Sue: You should come to my house. You'd go nuts.

Mike: Are you sleeping down here?
Big Mike: What are you, a cop?
Mike: What's going on, Dad? How long you been like this?
Big Mike: Oh, a couple of weeks. I... I don't know, a month. I don't write everything down in some kind of lady diary.
Mike: Did you see a doctor?
Big Mike: Oh, pfft.
Mike: Look, Dad, this is nuts. Clearly, you can't drive. How you getting to the grocery? Why didn't you call me? Or Rusty. Or me.
Big Mike: I don't need a grocery. I got these gumballs. Eh. [gumball machine clicking] When I run out... [eats gumball] I'll let you know.

Frankie: How's your dad? [vacuum cleaner starts]
Mike: Bad.
Frankie: What do you mean "bad"?
Mike: Well, he can barely walk now, so he's using the cane. He's sleeping in his chair 'cause he can't get upstairs.
Frankie: Oh, my God! What happened?
Mike: Whatever it is... [vacuum runs loudly]
Frankie: What?
Mike: Whatever it is, I think it might be time to get him out of that house.
Frankie: So you think it's that serious?
Mike: That place has always been a deathtrap, and the way he is now, if something were to happen, I'm scared he can't get out.
Frankie: I'm so sorry! I know how hard it'd be for your dad to move! Honestly, it's amazing he's lived alone for this long. When my mom goes out of town, my dad has the paperboy make him a grilled cheese.
Mike: I got to talk to Rusty about this.

Rusty: He's just gonna have to move in with you.
Mike: He can't move in with me. We don't have any room. Brick still has three more years of high school, Sue's always there, and Axl's about to graduate college, so you know he's coming back.
Rusty: Clearly, we're at an impasse. So there's only one logical thing to do. Bryan, you've been awfully quiet back there. This affects you, too, you know.
Mike: We're not letting a stranger decide what we do with our dad.
Rusty: You don't want to send Dad to war. You don't want to consult with Bryan. [Sighs] You're just like Mr.
Negative.
Bryan: You... You know, my uncle likes the place he's at... Twilight Estates Assisted Living. Food's decent, and they take Medicare.
Mike: Oh, yeah? I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a look.
Rusty: That is not how you break a tie, Bryan. That's a whole new idea. Now we're right back to where we started.
Mike: Don't mind Juan.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, lucky for me, Happy Hoosiers was sending me a new free maid, which was pretty nice considering I broke the first one.
Agatha: [foreign accent] Missus? I need to show you something. [points to the lime-scaled bathtub] This is very bad.
Frankie: Yeah, I know. It was like that when we moved in.
Agatha: I scrub and I scrub, but I can do nothing.
Frankie: You know what? Just forget it. I'll deal with it.
[later:]
Agatha: Missus? I need to show you something. [Frankie sighs] Food is old. Everything is rotten.
Frankie: Yeah, I know. It's not cold enough, and the kids leave it open. You know what? Just leave it. I'll take care of it.
[later:]
Agatha: Missus, I need to show you some...
Frankie: I know, I know. Just show me.

Axl: Well, I'm sorry, but it's impossible to concentrate when Lexie's undressing me with her eyes over here.
Hutch: Mm.
Axl: [clicks tongue]
Lexie: Tell me, Axl, what is it exactly that you think makes you so irresistible? Is it that you live in your truck? Is it that you share a toothbrush with Hutch?
Axl: I'm orange.
Hutch: I'm orange.
Lexie: You're right. You're right, Axl. I am undressing you. I am fantasizing about you taking your shirt off, and then your pants, and then your underwear...
Axl: Mm.
Lexie: ...which you also share with Hutch.
Axl: I'm orange.
Hutch: I'm orange!

Axl: Okay. Look, Lexie, I get it. I'm a divorcé, which makes you want me more 'cause you think you can fix me where other women couldn't. But I am still dating my ex-wife, so you need to move on.
Lexie: This is why they invented libraries.
Axl: Oh, is that why they invented libraries?

Brick: Mom, seriously? Look what the cleaning lady did to my new, dark-wash, not-from-the-cousin-box jeans.
Frankie: It's hard to get good help, Brick. We never knew that 'cause we never had help, but whenever I read about rich people, they always said it was hard to get good help, and they were right.
Brick: [sighs] I liked it better when you washed my clothes and everything was still a little damp and it smelled weird and it was balled up in Sue's drawer.
Frankie: We got a new one coming.

Axl: I'll give you half if you don't tell Sue I have Fluff. She's like a jackal.
Lexie: Sue's my best friend. And I think that's selfish. But I'm starving, so hand it over. Mm.
Axl: You are not subtle.
Lexie: What are you talking about?
Axl: You just happen to be up when I'm up? It's obvious you've been tracking my snack schedule over the past couple days.
Lexie: How can you live in such a small place with such a huge ego?
Axl: Got a hole in the roof.
Lexie: Okay. I'm gonna say this real slow, because I think that will help you. I... do... not... like... you. I don't think about you. I don't look at you. I want to get as far away from you as possible because... [Axl catches Lexie as she slips] Oh! Uh... Next time, just let me fall.

Sue: What are you doing?
Lexie: I'm just ready to get out of here.
Sue: What? Why?
Lexie: It's just too close, too tight quarters. I hope you're not mad, but I told my dad we want the apartment at The Villas at Gumford Falls.
Sue: You did? W-Wait. Oh, is the "We" me? Are we "We"?
Lexie: Of course. But it's got a doorman, a gym, and a hot tub, so it won't be the college experience. I hope you don't mind.