Mike: What are you doing?
Frankie: Nothing. Fine. I'm sending her a map of the campus.
Mike: She has a map there. It's called outside her dorm.
Frankie: [sighs] Look, she was just a little confused. She wondered if it was faster to get to Briscoe Hall by going through the gym or cutting through the quad.
Mike: You got to cut the cord, Frankie.
Frankie: [sighs] You weren't on the call. I can tell this roommate thing is really upsetting her. I can hear the tremble in her voice.
Mike: I talked to her, too. She sounded fine to me.
Frankie: Does she, Mike? 'Cause moms hear tremble. Dads don't hear tremble. You only hear the words. [Brick walks by in his bookmark costume] You don't hear the emotion behind the words. You know, you got to be aware of everything that's going on with your kid.

Mike: My point is she just needed some time to settle in. If anybody's gonna be happy in college, it's Sue.
Frankie: Yeah. Yeah, so, Sue's happy, Axl's Axl, Brick's in bed, and I don't have any heartburn. I'm thinking maybe...
Mike: Are you saying that's on the table? 'Cause I can brush my teeth.
Frankie: Oh, it's on the table.
Mike: Hot damn! [chuckles]

Frankie: [answers phone] Hi. Why are you back in your room?
Sue: It was horrible, Mom. I mean, it was great at first. But then after he was done playing, everyone started talking about politics. Mom, do you know there are people who don't love America?
Frankie: Yeah, I've heard that.
Sue: And did you know that some policemen are mean? I didn't even know that could happen. Well, I couldn't sit there and listen to everyone badmouth our country, so I just ran out. And they called me naive. They said I was part of the problem. I'm not part of the problem, am I, Mom?
Frankie: Oh, honey. Of course not.
Sue: Can you just talk to me until I fall asleep?

Brick: Well, here we are. Thanks for walking me home. Again. But you really don't have to keep doing this. The girl who threw up in the pool kind of took the heat off me.
Troy: I know. See you tomorrow.

Hutch: Okay. Party's over, ants. Make peace with your Ant Lord.
Axl: We got an angry, ant-eating machine... Oh, he's licking me! [chuckles, clears throat]
Hutch: All right, Ferret Bueller, get your eat on.
Axl: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh! Why did you leave the back door open?
Hutch: So girls could get in.

Sue: Uh, w-who's there?
Holly: I live here.
Sue: Oh, my God! Oh, you're Holly Haypek! [slurring] I'm Sue Heck. Oh. [removes retainer] [normal voice] Oh, I've been waiting for you forever. So, where are you from? I'm from Orson. I used to have long hair, but now I don't. I don't know if you like these posters, but I have some extras for your side if you want.
Holly: No beer?
Sue: No. But there's a hot-fudge sundae in there for you. Anyway, it's so good you're finally here, because you almost missed all of freshman week.
Holly: Yeah, well, I'm a junior, so not really an issue.
Sue: Oh. That's kind of weird that they put a junior and a freshman together. But, hey, we can still go to the dorm mixer and the roommate games.
Holly: Yeah. Nobody goes to those. They're lame.
Sue: Oh, okay. Well, that's the first time I've ever heard of an egg-and-spoon race being lame, but that is a really good tip. See? It's a great thing I've got a junior for a roomie. You can show me the ropes. Anything else I should know?
Holly: Yeah, okay, uh, let's see. Freshman year sucks. Sophomore year sucks. I'll let you know about junior year, but it's not looking good. I already got hosed in the housing lottery. I asked for a single. I'm going out.

Frankie: Hey. What are you doing?
Mike: It's Sue. She's texting me now. Go back to sleep.
Frankie: What? It's 3:00 in the morning.
Mike: Yeah. The roommate finally showed up.
Frankie: [sighs] Oh, no. That bad?
Mike: It's not good.
Frankie: Ugh. This is so hard. When is it gonna stop? You know, I think you were right. We've been too available. I think we're making it worse.
Mike: Well, we don't have a long history of making things better.

[C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" plays]
Tape: ♪ Everybody... ♪
Brick: Read.
Tape: ♪ ...now ♪
Brick: So, you just bend at the waist, and you move your arms up and down.
Troy: Like this?
Brick: You got it! We can do this every day, if you want. My parents don't care about me anymore.
Tape: ♪ Everybody... ♪
Brick: Read.
Tape: ♪ ...now ♪

Sue: Oh, hi. You're back finally. You know, one thing I was thinking might be helpful is if we write where we are on the memo board. That way, if someone is gone for a couple days, nobody has to worry or call the police. For instance, I'm here, so I wrote "here." [gasps] Ooh, something new for the room?
Holly: You got tape?
Sue: [gasps] You, my friend, have come to the right place. This is my craft box. Okay. Let's see. Tape, tape, tape, tape. I've got one-sided, uh, multi-colored, masking... [Holly grabs some tape] Okay, so, I want you to feel free to use this anytime you're feeling crafty.
[Holly sticks up a poster which reads "**** Life"]
Sue: [gasps] Ah. Oh. Okay. Well, that's an interesting thing to do to life.
Holly: What's the matter? Does that bother you?
Sue: Well, I would rather love life, but, you know, that's the great thing about college. You know, we can have different opinions, but we can still find some common ground. I mean, we both like posters and tape.
Holly: Okay, listen. You seem like a nice enough person. But I'm gonna save you some time. We're not gonna be best friends. Or paint each other's nails or stand up at each other's weddings or get together with our husbands 20 years from now and remember the good times. It's nothing personal against you. I don't like people. I'm just here to get my nursing degree and get out of here. Now, my boyfriend's coming over tonight, so... You can stay here and watch, but you can't participate.
Sue: Okay. Yeah. I get it. [chuckles] I have seen some TV-14 shows. I'm just gonna, uh, find someplace else to sleep. Or walk the campus all night. Either way, I'm good. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.

Resident Advisor: Hey! You're not allowed to pass out in the lounge.
Sue: [gasps] Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm just sleeping.
Resident Advisor: You got a room for that.
Sue: Actually, no, see, I don't. My... my roommate is a junior, and she has this boyfriend.
Resident Advisor: Yeah, I'm gonna have to write you up.
Sue: But I... but I've never been written up before. Oh, my God. I'm getting written up. No. [retches]
Resident Advisor: Ugh. Freshmen.