Axl: Oh! This is all your fault!
Frankie: What are you talking about?
Axl: I'll show you what I'm talking about. Axl Heck, star student of the week. Boom. Exhibit A. "I will be a rock star during the week and an astronaut on the weekends." Now that I'm older, I realize I should have reversed that, but you helped me with this. All through elementary school and middle school was, "You can be anything you want to be, Axl. Don't be afraid to dream big, Axl." Then I hit high school and you pull the rug out from under me! I wanted to start a T-shirt line. I wanted to be a reality star. And now, thanks to you, I'm stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life.
Frankie: [sighs] Axl, you're just an intern. This is not what you're gonna be doing forever.
Axl: Um, it's a little late to apply to astronaut school, so I think it is. Look at this. "Who are your heroes? Mommy, Daddy, and Spongebob." Guess it's just Spongebob now.

Mike: Well, I'm just saying that you and Axl are pretty much the same person.
Frankie: What? You're out of your mind.
Mike: All I'm saying is he comes home whining, you come home whining...
Frankie: I do not come home whining.
Mike: "The tablets don't work. It's hard." "There's too many patients. It's hard." "There's no desk to sleep under.
It's hard."
Frankie: I'm sorry. Would you prefer I not share my day with you?
Mike: I didn't know that was an option.
Frankie: [sighs] Whatever, Mike. You know, you're not gonna make me feel bad. Everybody brings their work home with them.
Mike: I don't. Last week, an earthmover rolled over my foot. I didn't say a word. All my toes are completely black. You want to see?

Frankie: Axl and I are not alike in any way. I happen to be a very positive person.
Mike: I know. You're very positive that all your pie-in-the-sky ideas are gonna work out. And when they don't, you complain and give up.
Frankie: I do not have pie-in-the-sky ideas.
Mike: Really? How's that jewelry line coming? You ever get Oprah to try on your earrings?
Frankie: For your information, I have some feelers out to locate her exact address.
Mike: Okay, well, maybe when you do, you should send her one of Axl's Buttronaut t-shirts that were gonna make him famous.
Frankie: Maybe I will. I think they look great with the earrings.
Mike: Look, I'm just pointing out that you and Axl are kind of the drama queens of the house.
Frankie: You know what, Mike? I don't even know why I'm arguing with you. If you think Axl and I are alike, I am gonna take that as a compliment, because I love my son, and he has a lot of great qualities. You sit here in silence with your stoic, black-toed army, and I will be hanging with the dreamers.

Mike: Hey, Brick. When's the last time you talked to your girlfriend?
Brick: We don't talk that much, if you know what I mean... I'm usually reading.

Mike: Oh, hey, Cindy. Brick's not here.
Cindy: I know. I was hoping to speak to you alone. [walks in and sits down on the couch] Please, sit down. [Mike sighs] I kissed another boy and I need you to tell Brick. The way you handle this will be key in determining the future of Brick's and my relationship. [stands up and walks to the door] Keep me in the loop.

[When Mike stops his car at a junction, Cindy pulls up alongside him on her bicycle]
Cindy: Did you talk to Brick yet?
Mike: No.
Cindy: Get. It. Done. [kicks Mike's car]

Sue: Are you sure you didn't like my first essay? 'Cause I really feel like I was closer with the recipe thing.
Professor Grant: I didn't like the recipe thing.
Sue: But did you get what I was going for?
Professor Grant: I did.
Sue: 'Cause I remember you said there were parts that you liked, and I just feel like if you lose the recipe, then you lose the whole understanding thing. And if you pull that thread, then it all comes out.
Professor Grant: I want it to all come out, Sue. I don't want gimmicks. I don't want you to regurgitate facts. I just... I want to know what you think. I want you to crack yourself open.
Sue: You mean like an om...
Professor Grant: No food.
Sue: Mm-hmm. But...
Professor Grant: No.

Mike: Rough day at the office?
Axl: All I did was file things. I got like a billion paper cuts. This place is a Turkish prison with a delicious assortment of pastries. Plus, I got this crick in my neck from answering 8,000 phone calls. I am so underutilized! I'm a business major. I know major amounts of business. Now I got to go back again tomorrow and do it all over again. Could you imagine doing the same thing every day?
Mike: Kind of thing that would make a man drink.

Mike: Got a sec?
Brick: Hmm.
Mike: Look, you're only in sixth grade...
Brick: Eighth.
Mike: Eighth. Don't you think that's a little young to be tied down in a relationship?
Brick: No way. I love having a girlfriend.
Mike: Right, but you want to keep your options open.
Brick: What options? It's a miracle I landed Cindy. She's like a needle in the world's largest haystack.

Mike: Look, Brick, I-I don't know how to sugarcoat this, so I'm just gonna rip the Band-Aid off. Cindy kissed another guy.
Brick: What?! When did this happen?
Mike: I'm not sure.
Brick: Well, who'd she kiss? Was it Seymour? Him and his big, shiny orthopedic shoe. He thinks he's such a ladies man. Wait, how do you know this?
Mike: Cindy told me a few days ago.
Brick: And you're just telling me now?! What'd she say? Does she want to break up with me?
Mike: I don't know.
Brick: You don't know? You just come in here and drop a bomb like this and all you've got is "I don't know"?!
Mike: Well, I-I-I...
Brick: [mockingly] Well, I-I-I-I... You got to have my back here! When mom flirted with that bag boy, I got his name and his Walmart I.D. number.