‘Birds of a Feather’
Season 7, Episode 12 - Aired January 13, 2016
Axl's first day as a business intern at Little Betty doesn't go like he imagined when he's made to do menial tasks for his ungrateful boss, Mr. Kershaw (Alan Ruck). Frankie's first day at the rebranded dental office doesn't go any more smoothly, either. Meanwhile, Cindy wants Mike to inform Brick that she kissed another boy, and Sue's professor wants her to stop seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses.
Quote from Axl
Woman: So, this is your desk. The phone systems are pretty standard. To forward a call, you just hit "transfer," dial the extension, and hang up.
Axl: Oh, ho, ho! Wow! Look at this. [picks up the phone] Hello, Axl Heck. Hold my calls. [laughs] I've always wanted to say that. Diver down! [chair hisses] Sloop!
Woman: We should probably introduce you to Mr. Kershaw.
Jack Kershaw: Okay. I'll say it again in English. Is this the new intern?
Axl: Uh, yes, sir. Axl Heck.
Jack Kershaw: Yeah, I don't need to know your name. We've got a product-development meeting in 10 minutes! So why don't you hop like a bunny and take everyone's coffee order? Barry back there likes his with soy. Do not screw that one up or we'll all pay for it. I've got a pair of wing-tips that need some TLC, so when you're done with the coffee, let me know. And by "me," of course I mean my secretary. You and I may never speak again.
Man: [o.s.] Medium. Two medium lattes.
Jack Kershaw: You got a photographic memory, son? 'Cause if not, you better grab a pen, start jotting some of this down.
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Frankie: [v.o.] It was the first day of the Orson branch of Smile Superstars International, and everything was...
Female Voice: [on tablet] You are now five minutes behind.
Frankie: How is that possible? I've been working my butt off.
Female Voice: [on tablet] You are now six minutes behind.
Dr. Goodwin: Then I said, "I don't know a polar ice cap from a bottle cap, but if this is global warming, sign me up!" [laughter]
Frankie: Hey, chatty, we're only allowed 20 minutes per patient, so let's go. We got to turn 'em and burn 'em.
Dr. Goodwin: Well, but shooting the breeze with the patients is the reason I became a dentist.
Frankie: I'm not saying you have to stop doing it, just do it quicker.
Dr. Goodwin: Um, uh, anyway, y'all have a good day. Uh, nice shoes, sorry about your mom, and text me that banana-cake recipe.
Quote from Sue
Professor Grant: "After 12 days of negotiations, Menachem Begin and Anwar El-Sadat signed the Camp David accords on September 17, 1978, which led to them receiving the Nobel Peace Prize on December 10, 1978."
Sue: That really happened.
Professor Grant: I know. I know. I... Here's the thing. [chuckles] I'm having the same problem with this paper that I had with the last one, is that it... it doesn't address how you feel. Now, answer this question for me. Why do you think people create conflict?
Sue: Because they haven't found their best selves yet.
Professor Grant: And why do you think there's pain and suffering?
Sue: So we can appreciate joy at its highest level.
Professor Grant: I'm gonna give you another crack at this paper, okay? Remember, the thing that I'm trying to get you to do here is really hone your critical thinking.
Sue: But I'm not a critical person.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: I had the worst day.
Axl: Uh-huh.
Frankie: That office is insane now. They put a coupon in the paper, and then they're surprised when we get behind. Hello? This is a coupon town. I'm telling you, if this is how it's gonna go, I'm not gonna last. I'm exhausted.
Axl: Call me crazy, but that sounds an awful lot like complaining.
Frankie: Let me finish. I'm exhausted from all the satisfaction I get from a job well done.
Axl: Oh, yeah.
Quote from Mike
Mike: Look, Brick, I didn't ask to be involved in this.
Brick: Well, you're in it now. You can't just give me this half-baked information. You got to go back there and get me some answers!
Mike: No way. I'm out, Brick. She kicked my car.
Brick: Yeah, she's unpredictable. That's one of the things I find exciting about her.
Mike: Well, look, you're in the seventh grade...
Brick: Eighth.
Mike: Eighth. My point is that you can handle this by yourself. You don't need me. Good talk. Want the door open or closed? I'll close it.
Quote from Sue
Jeremy: [over bullhorn] This tree has been here for hundreds of years, and now they want to tear it down to put up a Java Jerry's. Do we really need another corporation who are bankrupting America?
Sue: Hi.
Jeremy: And when we...
Sue: Hi. Sorry. I-I-I don't mean to interrupt your tirade, but I couldn't help noticing that you're a very deep person. Were you always that way, or is that something you had to learn?
Jeremy: I see your coffee cup, tree murderer! Corporate stooge! You can't run away from your hypocrisy! Shame! Shame!
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [exhales] What a fulfilling day.
Mike: He's not home.
Frankie: [sighs] Thank God. I am exhausted. Ugh, my God. [sighs] Work sucks.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Ugh, I hate my job. They made it sound so great at the convention with all the incentives and prizes.
Mike: Yeah. I thought you were gonna win us an Escalade.
Frankie: Pfft! Fat chance. Our office is 104th in the nation. Yeah, we're back to winning the lottery or you finding a diamond at the quarry. God, it sucks, Mike. I thought my last job was bad. This job is baaaa... [Axl enters carrying a bird cage] etter than ever.
Axl: [Marshmallow squawks] Don't ask.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Searching for a lost bird was really the pickle on the crap sandwich that was my day.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: Oh, you pick out the almonds, too, huh?
Axl: Yeah. I like the almond flavor, but the nuts... they're just too much chewing.
Frankie: Yeah, right? Like, why did they have to complicated things? We don't need any heroes. Just give us the ice cream.
Axl: Yep.
Frankie: You know, we should open an ice-cream store together.
Axl: We would crush an ice-cream store. Plus, I'm taking econ now, so I can run the money side of things.
Frankie: Yeah, but you have such great personality that we would want that out front.
Axl: Mm, you'd definitely want this out front. You know what would be another great flavor of ice cream? Chips and dip.
Frankie: Would there be actual chips in it?
Axl: No, no, no, no, no, no. Just the flavor. You don't want chips in your ice cream.