Frankie: Hey, there, Mr. Intern. Lookin' sharp.
Axl: Well, you dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
Mike: What job do you have?
Axl: No idea.
Mike: What job do you want?
Axl: I don't know. Something cool, I guess. [drinks orange juice from the carton] Ah. The e-mail from little Betty says I'll be working in product development, so I assume I'll be brainstorming new ideas for snack cakes.

Frankie: Hmm. You know, if you throw a few snack cakes in your bag and bring them home, I could help you brainstorm while I'm watching Salmonella Ruined My Wedding.
Axl: I'm not stealing for you. This job is about one thing... Escaping this soulless, zombie, blue-collar prison you two are stuck in.
Mike: We're counting on you, son!
Frankie: I told you we inspired him. All this time we thought we were failures, turns out we're a cautionary tale. [engine turns over]
Mike: We're like a "Scared Straight" program. [tires screech]

Frankie: Whoo! Look what Smile Superstars sent me. It's my new smock. Isn't it nice? I think they must have a real designer, because this is very flattering.
Mike: Huh.
Frankie: Really? That's it? That's all I get?
Mike: This is as excited as I can get about smocks.

Axl: That was the world's suckiest day. Ugh! [groans] All they had me do was get coffee for everybody. I mean, look at this. Venti iced non-fat one-pump no-whip mocha? And no one even said thanks. They just pointed me to the next crappy job. I got to tell you, one day in the real world made me realize how much you are gonna have to step up and take care of me.
Frankie: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Axl: [whining] Why not? I'm so tired.
Frankie: Yeah. Ugh. All right. Come on, Axl. You got coffee for a few people. You didn't build the railroads.
Axl: But all they had me do was grunt work. I didn't get to sit in on any meetings or pitch any of my snack-cake ideas or ride the little Betty jet. Do you know how long I worked today? Eight hours!
Frankie: I know what a job is. I've been going to one for the last 30 years.
Axl: Oh, yeah? Did you ever have to work and go to college at the same time?
Frankie: No. I had to work and raise three children.
Axl: So... no. [sighs]
Frankie: Listen, Axl, I don't want to hear it. Work is work. At some point, everyone in the world has to do it, so stop complaining. Jump in any time here, Mike.
Mike: Work is work. Listen to your mother.
Axl: [groans] But it's so ha-hard!

Sue: Professor Grant, I'm sorry. I just can't give you what you want. And believe me, I tried. I talked to a crazy guy. I watched an Anderson Cooper marathon. I stayed up all night listening to Joni Mitchell albums.
Professor Grant: What are you talking about?
Sue: Look, I know you think being deep is important, but I think other things are important. Like seeing the best in people, and believing that the human spirit is what gives us the gift to face the world with curiosity and optimism. [sighs] It's nothing personal. You are obviously very deep and intelligent and a little bit handsome, and that's great, but you just can't take someone who has thought one way their whole life and convince them to think your way. I am never gonna understand your side of things, and you are never gonna understand mine. And the more you force me to do it, the angrier I am gonna get, and we are just gonna go at each other forever! It's never gonna work!
Professor Grant: That's it. Right there.
Sue: What's it? Right where?
Professor Grant: That's the crack I was talking about.
Sue: Really?
Professor Grant: [laughs] Yes, yes! That's the passion I wanted to see. I want you to argue with me. Take a stand. Paint a painting. Go and see a band that you thought you hated. That's what college is about. Do it.
Sue: I will. I will do it. Right now. And I am not saying that to be agreeable. I get it. I get it! We will argue later.
Frankie: [v.o.] Turns out, there was a recipe after all. With a dash of enlightenment and a scoop of tough love, Sue cracked herself open and found more than just rainbows and unicorns. It was still mostly rainbows and unicorns, 'cause let's face it, Sue is always gonna be Sue.

Frankie: I know you said don't ask, but I have to ask. Why do you have a bird?
Axl: Why do I have a bird? [chuckles] I have a bird because apparently, when you're a businessman, you get to do lots of important stuff, like, uh, picking up your boss' crap from the dry-cleaners. But when he forgets to give you his ticket, you get to spend a half-hour trying to convince "Dave the manager" that you're not trying to steal your boss' golf shirts, which makes you late to the vet, where you're taking his sick bird, but the guy won't take the bird because it's one minute after 6:00, so you get to go to the pharmacy where you beg them to give you the bird's medicine which, they inform you, has to be applied every two hours to the bird's butt. But what they don't tell you is where on the bird is the butt. This is officially the lowest moment of my life.
Mike: There will be others.
Axl: No! Marshmallow! [Marshmallow flies out as Axl opens the cage] Oh, damn it!
Mike: See?

Brick: Dad, I'm sorry I yelled at you about the whole Cindy thing. It wasn't your fault. You were just the messenger.
Mike: Ah, don't take it so hard, Brick. You... You've got a lot of life left.
Brick: It's fine. I just thought you'd get what I was going through 'cause you always talk about that girl. You know, the one whose house you always rode over to on your bike?
Mike: Ah, Debbie Sullivan. Yep. She had the greatest hair. At Christmas, she used to put jingle bells in her ponytail. Man, she was something. Here's the thing, Brick. When it comes to women, there are no easy answers. I don't know much, but I've picked up a few things over the years. Even though you're only in...
Brick: Eighth.
Mike: Eighth. I was gonna say eighth grade. Women, in my opinion, are somewhat interested in what you have to say or what you think, but they're definitely interested in what you feel.
Frankie: [v.o.] There's nothing like a father/son talk. Of course, Brick didn't use a word of Mike's advice. He decided it was easier just to pay Cindy 10 bucks to never kiss another boy again.

Frankie: [v.o.] But nothing beats a mother/son talk.
Frankie: Oh. So, how was your day?
Axl: You do not want to know.
Frankie: Actually, I do.
Axl: Hm. I just had this whole picture in my head of what it was gonna be like, and it's just not it. I got all these ideas, and my boss just doesn't want to hear them.
Frankie: I know what you mean. One time, I told Mr. Ehlert this idea I had for a labor day promotion, and he said, [gruffly] "I got an idea. Why don't you hose down that Camry? I think a raccoon gave birth in the wheel well." [both chuckle]

Sue: "'A recipe for peace in the middle east, ' by Sue Heck. Take one cup of understanding, two dashes of kindness, and a heaping tablespoon of love." [students snickering] "Sweeten with a dollop of compassion, and stir in a generous amount of compromise..."
Professor Grant: Uh, you know what? I-I-I-I think w-we're running out of time, so I-I'm gonna go ahead and have you stop right there. Great work, everybody. Let's pick this up Thursday. Sue, you want to hang back for a second?
Sue: Yeah.
Professor Grant: Hey, so, I just... I want to talk to you about your paper for a minute.
Sue: Sure.
Professor Grant: I think your approach, while interesting, uh, I think might have just come off a little bit superficial.
Sue: That's because you didn't hear the ending. "Reduce heat, remove from pan, smother with love, and slice thin so there is a 'peace' for everybody."
Professor Grant: Yeah. Yeah, I-I... Yeah, I think that... That maybe your paper just needs a-a little more substance.
Sue: Like more ingredients?

Professor Grant: Sue, let me ask you something. Why are you here?
Sue: Because you told me to stay after class.
Professor Grant: No, I mean w-why did you come to college?
Sue: Because I graduated high school.
Professor Grant: Right. Uh, I just... I guess I mean why... Why are you here? You know, what... What do you want to learn? What do you want to accomplish?
Sue: Is this a test question?
Professor Grant: See, I'd say that most people, they come to college because they want to expand their world view, become critical thinkers.
Sue: Oh. Oh, that's good. That's good. I'm gonna write that down.
Professor Grant: Oh, no. No, no. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give you another shot at this, okay, but I really want what is inside of you to inform this paper, okay? Avoid all the surfacy stuff and get into the... the complexity of the situation. You know, really, uh... really dig deep.
Sue: Got it. But still keep it in the recipe format?
Professor Grant: Nope.
Sue: Got it. Got it.