Sophia, Dominic and Philomena: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Dorothy: Oh, this is such a warm, wonderful moment.
Rose: Oh, I just wish I spoke Italian so I'd know what they were saying.

Philomena: Dominic speak the truth. After Gina take a blood test for her marriage, we find out it is not possible she is related to us. At the hospital there must have been some mix-up.
Blanche: You mean they switched the babies?
Dorothy: Oh, but this is ridiculous.
Rose: Absolutely. We can prove it. Dorothy, show 'em your driver's license.

Blanche: Don't even speak to me, Rose. What you did was terrible. I've never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Rose: That's not true. What about the time you got caught with the Orkin man?
Blanche: Don't comfort me, Rose.

Dorothy: All right, girls. What happened?
Rose: Blanche and I went dancing. She was sure she could out-dirty-dance me, even though I am better in class, so we went to a club. Well, I got up first, and I was pretty good and then Blanche got up.
Dorothy: And she was bad?
Rose: Well, I couldn't tell. I was blinded by the reflection off some gold chains on a guy named Mick. But I think the laughter spoke for itself.

Dorothy: Rose, what are you doing?
Rose: I'm diapering a turkey. It's been so long since I changed a diaper, I figured I'd practice before the baby gets here.

Sophia: [answering phone] Hello? [hangs up] It was Dorothy. Hide me. [phone rings] Rose, you answer it.
Rose: I'm not gonna answer it. I don't want to have to lie for you. It's your daughter.
Sophia: We're not that close. [picks up receiver and hangs up] You better answer it the next time. She's gonna get mad. [phone rings]
Rose: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Dorothy. No, it didn't ring here. Why? No, everything's fine here. Sophia?
Sophia: [whispers] Tell her I'm in church.
Rose: [whispers] She's in church. [normally] I said, she's in church.

Rose: Who wants birthday cake?
Caroline: What's in it?
Rose: It's a secret. And in some countries, a vaccine.

Rose: This is terrible! I was raised to hate Communists. I remember in the early '50s when McCarthy came to St.
Olaf to speak in the town square. I was never so moved by a public speaker. Although some people thought he was a puppet for the right wing. No, wait. That was Charlie McCarthy.
Dorothy: I'd have put money on that.
Rose: But still, St. Olaf's town motto was "Better Ned than red." Ned was sort of the town idiot.
Sophia: When? On your days off?

Agent Bell: All right. Now that the Weinstock mystery is cleared up, I only have one more question to ask. What organizations do you belong to? We have to make sure none of them could be considered a threat to the President.
Dorothy: Oh, well, I'm a member of the Sierra Club, and Blanche belongs to the Daughters of the Confederacy.
Rose: And I'm a member of the Otto Club of St. Olaf. Well, actually I'm an honorary member. My name's not Otto.
Agent Bell: I don't think that group could be considered subversive.
Rose: Subversive?
Agent Bell: You know, as in, "Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence?"
Rose: Violence.

Becky: Well, I love being pregnant. Except for the hormones. Yesterday I cried when the mail was late.
Rose: [emotionally] Oh, no, her mail was late.
Dorothy: Can you imagine what she was like when she had hormones?