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‘The President's Coming! The President's Coming!’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: The President's Coming! The President's Coming!

525. The President's Coming! The President's Coming!

Aired May 5, 1990

The girls are interviewed by a Secret Service agent as President Bush is set to visit Miami. [CLIP SHOW]

Quote from Rose

Blanche: What's your gripe with the President, anyway?
Dorothy: He calls himself the "education president," but our education system has some serious problems. I see the illiteracy, I see dropouts, I see kids who can't even find India on a map.
Rose: Well, to be fair, Dorothy, that stumped Columbus too.

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Quote from Rose

Sophia: Pussycat, are you doing the grocery shopping today?
Dorothy: Yeah. Something you want?
Sophia: Uh, pick up a couple of chicken breasts, and why don't we say 40 - better make that 45 - tubes of sunscreen.
Rose: Oh, Sophia, I've made that mistake before. The best thing to do is just turn the oven down if you don't want the chicken to burn.
Dorothy: Rose, honey, I don't think my mother was planning on using the suntan lotion on the chicken. What do you mean, you've made that mistake before?

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: You wouldn't believe all the security out there. Of course, they have to have it. When the President comes to town, it brings out all the oddballs. [doorbell]
Stan: Hi, it's me, Stan.
Blanche: Stanley, what are you doing here?
Stan: I'm glad you asked. Inside this box is my best novelty yet, not to mention the perfect tie-in to the President's visit. Ladies the George Bush point of light on a stick.
Blanche: You know, Dorothy, every now and then it dawns on me you had children with this man.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Yeah, I see that you've met Stanley Zbornak.
Agent Bell: A novelty salesman, your ex-husband, father of your children, and if you don't mind me saying, first-class yutz.
Rose: Wow, they do know everything.

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: We had to run security clearances on everyone. Everyone passed except for you, Mrs. Petrillo.
Sophia: I can't believe it! I spend one lousy night with Mussolini - and I do mean lousy - and I'm marked for life.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: President Bush is coming to dedicate the new senior citizen center down the street. The motorcade goes right by here.
Dorothy: So?
Sophia: So all the neighbors on the block will be out on their lawns. It'll be a hundred degrees out there, and they will need protection. They can pay me or fry in the sun.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, that is a terrible thing to do to your neighbors.
Sophia: I'll cut you in for half.
Dorothy: We should also sell visors.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: There's a man on our lawn.
Blanche: Get the net.

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: Good afternoon. Sorry to bother you. I'm Agent Bell with the Secret Service.
Blanche: Well, won't you come right in?
Agent Bell: Thank you, Mrs. Devereaux.
Blanche: How did you know my name?
Agent Bell: I know all your names. This house has been under surveillance.
Dorothy: Why are you watching our house?
Agent Bell: It's a security measure. The President wants to stop at one house on his way to dedicate the senior citizens' center.
Sophia: Why he can't he use the Arco station like everyone else?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Then there was the time Hans Erikson wanted to take an elk to the prom. The whole town was divided on that one.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Pussycat, if you're writing to your brother Phil, tell him I said thanks for the Underoos. And Spider-Man scared the hell out of my doctor.

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: Well, I just got off the phone with Washington. I'm sorry, ladies, but the President would prefer to visit a more typical American family.
Sophia: Typical? We're typical. I'm the mother, and I have 2.3 children. You won't find a more typical family than that.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, why don't we have a pet?
Rose: Anybody want a cracker?
Sophia: Never mind.

Quote from Rose

Agent Bell: Good evening. Well, I guess you know why I'm here.
Rose: Sure. Nobody can leave after just one helping of flugelkaka.
Agent Bell: No, ma'am. And don't even kid about that.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Well, Rose, what's all this?
Rose: Oh, I want the President to feel welcome, so I'm making him a sign. It's gonna say "Welcome, President Bush. We are pleased to have you in our home. We're really thrilled that you're visiting Miami. We hope you have a good time and a safe trip home, and good luck on running the country."
Dorothy: It's catchy, Rose.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Are you sure you want to go to all that trouble? Honey, he'll just be here a few minutes.
Rose: Are you kidding? This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me.
Dorothy: More exciting than winning the annual St. Olaf me-and-my-pet look-alike contest?
Rose: Yes. But mostly because I don't have to swim with a duck in my mouth.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Boy, when the President gets here, am I gonna let him have it. What do you think I should hit him with first? Inadequate funding for education? The plight of the hungry and homeless? Pollution of the air and the water? I mean, the problems are endless.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, you can't talk like that to the President.
Dorothy: Watch me.
Rose: Well, sure, there are problems, but can't we just pray they'll go away by themselves?
Sophia: You haven't.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Stanley, get out.
Stan: Wait. Please. I just took a bath on those Daniel Ortega buttons that say "four more years."
All: Out!
Stan: You know, I can never tell when you ladies are kidding.
All: Out! Out!
Stan: Good one.
Dorothy: Stan, I want you gone before the President gets here.
Stan: Come on, Dorothy. I'm a big fan. Maybe he'd like to meet me. I almost voted for him. I would've if I could have registered. You know those things go straight to the IRS?
Dorothy: So could I.
Stan: See you.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, what did I ever see in that man?
Sophia: Don't blame yourself. You were young, you were carefree. You were just one of those girls who marries the first guy who knocks her up.

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: So let's see if I've got this straight. You and this Max Weinstock were...
Sophia: Getting it on.
Agent Bell: Thank you.
Sophia: If you write that down, make it three times a night. He'd like that. And send me a copy.

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: Well, thank you, Mrs. Petrillo. By the way, what happened to Mr. Weinstock?
Sophia: We found out we weren't compatible. Thank God it was before we had kids.

Quote from Rose

Agent Bell: All right. Now that the Weinstock mystery is cleared up, I only have one more question to ask. What organizations do you belong to? We have to make sure none of them could be considered a threat to the President.
Dorothy: Oh, well, I'm a member of the Sierra Club, and Blanche belongs to the Daughters of the Confederacy.
Rose: And I'm a member of the Otto Club of St. Olaf. Well, actually I'm an honorary member. My name's not Otto.
Agent Bell: I don't think that group could be considered subversive.
Rose: Subversive?
Agent Bell: You know, as in, "Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by force or violence?"
Rose: Violence.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Is anyone as nervous as I am? I can't believe I'm gonna meet the President of the United States. Oh, if I say something stupid, I'll die.
Sophia: Can we make a donation in lieu of flowers?

Quote from Sophia

Agent Bell: And this is Sophia Petrillo.
President Bush: Well, thank you for letting me visit your home.
Sophia: You know, where I come from, when you visit somebody, you bring a little something. A marble cake would've been nice.
Rose: Sophia!
Sophia: What?
Rose: This is the President of the United States.
Sophia: Then he should know better.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: It's a real pleasure, Mr. President. My! You do have a lot of Secret Service men, don't you?
All: Hi, Blanche.
Blanche: Hi, fellas.

Quote from Dorothy

President Bush: Hello, Miss Zbornak.D
Dorothy: [gibberish]
Agent Bell: Miss Zbornak is a teacher, Mr. President.
President Bush: Do you have suggestions maybe on how we can help with this education thing?
Dorothy: [gibberish] Bush.
President Bush: Well, it's good to know we have your backing. Do you wanna let go of my hand now?
Agent Bell: I think he means right now.
Dorothy: [gibberish]

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I thought everybody'd like some flugelkaka.
Agent Bell: Mrs. Nylund, would you mind answering a few questions?
Rose: As long as it's not math.
Blanche: Here, honey, why don't you sit right down here? He's very nice. Oh, if you need to know anything else about me, um, I have pictures.
Agent Bell: So do we.

Quote from Rose

Agent Bell: Mr. President, I'd like you to meet Rose Nylund.
Rose: Hello, Mr. President. Can I ask you something?
President Bush: Why, sure.
Rose: Is the Oval Office as hard to vacuum as I think it is?
President Bush: Well, I don't know. There hasn't been a Hoover in the White House in, oh, 60 years. [laughs]
Agent Bell: That was a good one, sir.


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