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‘Not Another Monday’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Not Another Monday

507. Not Another Monday

Aired November 11, 1989

Sophia doesn't know what to do when one of her friends, Martha, asks for help ending her life. Meanwhile, the girls look after a neighbor's baby.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, I guess there must be a reason why women have babies when they're 20ish instead of 40ish.
Dorothy: Blanche, the only thing in this room that's 40ish is your hairdo.

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: When my time comes, I sure want somebody to put me out of my misery if something tragic happens. Like I get a fatal illness, or I've lost my looks.
Dorothy: Tell us when, Blanche.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Sophia, I can't believe you're doing this. You know, this reminds me of the story of Gunilla Ulf's daughter, St. Olaf's very own angel of death.
Dorothy: Tell it, Rose. Tell it.
Rose: Really? All the way through?
Dorothy: All the way through. But please try to make the end come as close to the beginning as possible.
Rose: Well, Gunilla Ulf's daughter was a nurse at Cedars of St. Olaf Hospital. One night she was taking care of Sven Bjornsson, and he asked her if she would get him some more mouth moisteners and then kill him. Gunilla brought the mouth moisteners right away, but the killing thing seemed to go against everything she'd been taught.
Dorothy: You're doing beautifully, Rose.
Rose: He begged and he begged, and by her coffee break, she couldn't stand it anymore, so she pulled the plug and he died. Well, she was racked with guilt that night. Not only had she parked her car in a doctor's spot, but she was never sure whether Sven's pleading was the pain talking, or the medication talking, or the guy in the next bed talking! You see, the guy in the next bed was Ingmar von Bergen, St. Olaf's meanest ventriloquist.
Dorothy: Rose, we are going somewhere with this, aren't we? I mean, if not, I'm gonna cut out your tongue.
Rose: Yes! Sven came back to haunt Gunilla. Since then, every Tuesday night at ten. Nine, Central time. She hears noises. Some say it's the wind, but some say it's Sven's voice whispering back from the other side, saying, "Turn around quick. His lips are moving."

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: You know, back in St. Olaf, we had a surefire method for getting babies to sleep.
Dorothy: If herring, elk, or anyone named Sven figures in this, I don't wanna hear it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma! Hello, Martha. Where were you?
Sophia: I'll give you a hint. The guest of honor had lipstick on her teeth and didn't give a damn.
Blanche: Who died?
Martha: My best friend, Lydia.
Dorothy: I'm so sorry.
Martha: She suffered so. It was a blessing in disguise.
Sophia: I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Oh, that must be the baby.
Sophia: There's a baby coming?
Rose: A couple from my church are going camping over the weekend, and we get to take care of the baby.
Sophia: Good. Maybe now you'll get some food I can chew.

Quote from Sophia

Martha: I'm going to miss her so much.
Sophia: I know. But you said yourself, the last few weeks were so hard on her. At least now she's resting peacefully.
Martha: I feel so bad.
Sophia: Hey, I'm the one who should feel bad. Lydia and I were wearing the same dress.

Quote from Sophia

Maitre D': May I help you, madame?
Sophia: How d'you know I'm not a mademoiselle?
Maitre D': Because what man in his right mind would leave you to languish on the vine?
Sophia: If this was Sicily, you wouldn't have any lips left. Take me to my friend Martha Lamont's table, and try not to fall in love.
Maitre D': Miss Lamont is waiting for you at the bar.
Sophia: Oh, good. With luck, she found somebody who'll pay for dinner.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Martha! You look terrific. Are those new knee-highs?
Maitre D': It's a new attitude - eat, drink and be merry.
Sophia: [struggling to get up on a bar stool] Hey, Jacques. Gimme a hand, and watch where you put it. [arms up] That was better than I thought it would be. Now I can't wait to get down.

Quote from Sophia

Bartender: Hi. Can I get you ladies drinks?
Sophia: I'll have a Manhattan. And don't slip me any of the cheap stuff.
Martha: I'll have another Harvey Wallbanger.
Sophia: You've seen quite a bit of Mr. Wallbanger tonight.
Martha: I'm celebrating, because I've just had an idea that will change my life. Order anything you like. I'm going to have the shrimp cocktail, the cream of mushroom soup, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and the filet mignon.
Sophia: I like cholesterol as much as the next guy, but you're never gonna get blood to your feet again.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I'd better freshen up.
Dorothy: Blanche, he is not coming over to look at you. He's coming over to look at the baby.
Blanche: I will be holding the baby, next to my bosom. What a magnificent picture. God, I wish that thing didn't look so sickly.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I don't care if you are paying for dinner. What you wanna do is crazy.
Martha: It's time to go, Sophia. I don't want to see another Monday. I don't want to wait, and end up going like Lydia. I'm going to decide when it's over.
Sophia: I always thought somebody named God did that.
Martha: You don't understand. I'm afraid of the pain, of the hurting. I'm afraid of being alone, of dying alone. I can take the pills myself, but I want you to be there and hold my hand.
Sophia: You're right, I don't understand. I'd do anything to stay alive. If my heart stopped beating, I'd want every doctor in town jumping up and down on my chest.
Martha: You say that now, but I don't have the courage to die by inches. I'm going to do it, whether you're there or not. I don't want to die alone. Please, help me.

Quote from Rose

Rose: OK, I've got another one. Whenever my kids couldn't sleep, we always sang to them.
Blanche: A lullaby?
Rose: Sort of. "Mr. Sandman."
Dorothy: Oh, I don't know, Rose.
Blanche: Dorothy, come on. It's worth a try. It's either we sing or he sings.
Dorothy: Oh, all right.
Rose: Boom... Boom... Well?
Blanche: Well what?
Rose: After my "boom" comes your "boom," and then yours, until we're all "boom"ing.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, we're sorry our singing woke you.
Sophia: It wasn't you. I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt my Uncle Giuseppe came down from heaven and was pointing a finger at me. I think it was a finger. And he was warning me - if I did a certain thing, I wouldn't get into heaven.
Dorothy: What thing?
Sophia: Try murder.
Rose: It was just a dream, Sophia.
Sophia: It's not just a dream for me. Martha wants to commit suicide, and she wants me to be there with her.
Blanche: And what did you say?
Sophia: I said I'd think about it. You can't say no to somebody who pops for a $75 dinner. Tell them, Blanche.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I can't believe that you're seriously considering getting involved in this!
Sophia: Martha's a sick woman. And she doesn't wanna get any sicker. She's gonna do it anyway, so why should she die alone?
Rose: This is wrong, Sophia.
Dorothy: Forget about whether this is right or wrong. Ma, I'm worried about you! When Martha takes those pills or whatever and the life drains out of her, you're gonna be in that room, alone. What are you gonna do, Ma? How are you gonna feel?
Sophia: I don't know, but I'll deal with it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I forbid you to do this.
Sophia: Dorothy, sometimes you forget, I'm the mother here.
Dorothy: That has nothing to do with this.
Sophia: It has everything to do with this. In the 25 years I have on you, I've learned something. I just wish I could remember what it is. Oh, yeah, I got it. It's not whether you agree or disagree with somebody. It's whether you can be there for that person when they need you.

Quote from Sophia

Martha: You came.
Sophia: I said I would.
Martha: Come in. Come in and sit down. I have something to show you. Look, ten carats, and not a flaw. I bought it today, on time.
Sophia: Very nice. Look, I was thinking, maybe you shouldn't go through with this-
Martha: No, I have to go. I've never felt so happy. Do you like the ring?
Sophia: Reminds me of a doorknob I had back in Brooklyn. What are you doing?
Sophia: Just my way of saying thank you. Well, I think I've taken care of everything.
Martha: Now, you'll see to it that they don't put lipstick on my teeth.
Sophia: Don't worry. I'll take them out and check them personally.

Quote from Sophia

Martha: Well I guess it's time to go. You will hold my hand?
Sophia: Sure I will.
Martha: I'm so glad I don't have to go alone.
Sophia: Uh, do you remember how we met?
Martha: Yes. About eight years ago. We shared a room in the hospital. You had the heart scare, I was the gall bladder.
Sophia: They gave you my sponge bath by mistake.
Martha: You ate my Jell-O. It was a horrible little room. We couldn't wait to get out of it.
Sophia: Because we wanted to live.
Martha: Yes. I remember.
Sophia: Remember better. Remember life.
Martha: I don't have much of one. I'm not like you. You live with friends and family, holidays and warmth. I hear the silence.
Sophia: We'll talk. We'll talk all the time. You can come over Thanksgiving, Christmas, every Friday night. I may not be there, but you could always talk to Rose.

Quote from Sophia

Martha: No, I want to go. Lydia looked so peaceful.
Sophia: We're not in this life for peace!
Martha: You're crying!
Sophia: No, I'm not. I don't cry.
Martha: I can see your tears.
Sophia: And I can see yours. Know what that tells me?
Martha: What?
Sophia: You're not as ready to die as you think you are. You still wanna live, kid.
Martha: Some kid! I don't know what to do.
Sophia: That's the point. If you're not sure, you can't change your mind tomorrow. You wanted me to be here for your death. How about letting me be here for your life?
Martha: Like a friend?
Sophia: Like a best friend.


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