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‘Blanche Delivers’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Blanche Delivers

601. Blanche Delivers

Aired September 22, 1990

Blanche is uncomfortable when her unwed daughter, Becky, comes to town for the delivery of her baby conceived through artificial insemination.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never gonna make them happy. They're just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don't, because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!

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Quote from Rose

Rose: I think it's great that you want to have your baby here. Boy, in St. Olaf, the mother was always with the daughter when she gave birth. And if the mother was out of town, then the mother of the father was there. And if she was out of town, then we'd call Lucky Gunther.
Dorothy: Oh, what the hell. She has a birthday coming up. Why, Rose?
Rose: After the thresher accident, they replaced Lucky's arm with a forceps. Yep. Lucky Gunther. He was in charge of delivering babies and handing out corn at the Rotary picnics.
Dorothy: Shut up, Rose.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: How come when company comes, I always have to sleep with Dorothy? How come I always get the short stick?
Dorothy: It's because you are the short stick.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh. This is a birthing center? Where's the obstetrician? Where's the equipment?
Sophia: Yeah, she'd be better off having the baby in your bedroom. At least you've got stirrups.
Dorothy: And there's a better chance of finding a doctor.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You know why I call you pussycat, Pussycat?
Dorothy: Why, Ma? Because you only gave me yarn for Christmas? Because you fed me once and I hung around? Because you used to put me out at night?
Sophia: Because I love pussycats, and I love you. And you were the only one in the family who could catch mice.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, my God. Oh, will you just look at him?
Doctor: Mrs. Devereaux, that's the umbilical cord.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Mornin', Ma. How you feelin'?
Sophia: I'm not sure. What did we have for dinner last night?
Dorothy: Mexican.
Sophia: Oh. Then I'm OK.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Hi, girls. Guess where I'm going.
Dorothy: A sanitarium up north?
Rose: I'm gonna enter the US Senior Sports Classic. And I'm gonna win.
Dorothy: I had no idea that you could skate that well.
Rose: Oh, when I was young, my folks had me train for the US team. Oh, the day the Olympic Committee came to St. Olaf, I was so nervous I put my skates on the wrong feet.
Dorothy: Oh.
Rose: Sonya Henderfinken's.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Rose, for God's sake, you look like a giant elf. Can I borrow that sometime?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: No, I think it's great that she's brave enough to have that baby by herself.
Sophia: Look who's talking - the president of knocked up and single.
Blanche: Yeah, but at least Dorothy's pregnancy was an accident. My daughter did it on purpose. And went to a sperm bank. A sperm bank. Just the very idea of a bank havin' sperm.
Sophia: At least the government didn't have to bail them out.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I think it's wonderful that you're taking part in the Senior Sports Classic. I might try entering it myself in 15 years, when I'm eligible. If I can come up with an event.
Dorothy: The luge is the only one where you get to lie on your back.

Quote from Blanche

Becky: So, Mama, is it all right if I have my baby here?
Blanche: I only want what's best for you. Don't you want to have your baby with your obstetrician in your hospital in Atlanta?
Becky: Oh, I'm not having my baby in a hospital. I'm going to a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth in a relaxed atmosphere with no painkillers.
Blanche: Becky, I know I told you where babies come from. Did I ever mention where they come out?

Quote from Dorothy

Becky: Mama that sounded just awful.
Blanche: Well, darling, that is woman's lot in life - to bear the pain of childbirth.
Becky: What's man's lot in life?
Dorothy: Their eyebrows grow together.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: How's the skating going?
Rose: Oh, Coach Ninervini is really disappointed in my compulsory figures. The only way I can make an "8" is to start with a snowman and then erase his head and arms. By the time I do all that, the judges have lost interest.
Dorothy: So have I, Rose.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Being at the birthing center today brought back vivid memories of when I delivered Rebecca. It was so wonderful. When I woke up, there she was in my arms, just as goofy and hung over as I was. I vowed then and there to have 20 more.
Rose: Well, what stopped you?
Blanche: The drugs wore off.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy was born during the Depression. Mine. We had no money, and when it came time to deliver, I couldn't afford to go to the hospital. Hospitals were for the rich.
Blanche: So Dorothy was born at home?
Sophia: Homes were for the rich. Babies were for the rich. We tried selling her, but the rich have taste.
Rose: Did you have a hard labor?
Sophia: Oh, it went on for days, but she was finally born. 32 pounds, 3 ounces.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia!
Dorothy: Ma, nobody weighs 32 pounds when they're born.
Sophia: That's what the guy from the circus said.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Honey, don't worry. Just lie down. Come on, get into bed. We'll start timing the contractions.
Becky: I think one's coming on. Oh! Oh! Oh! Yikes!
Sophia: [tapping on the wall] Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.

Quote from Blanche

Nurse: Ms. Devereaux, you forgot to fill out the name of the father.
Becky: I was artificially inseminated.
Blanche: It was the father's last wish. That and that people should be able to visit Graceland.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: How you doin', baby?
Becky: I'm scared.
Blanche: Oh, honey, there's nothin' to be afraid of. Just remember, pull, pull. Oh, no. That's skeet shooting. Well, never mind. We'll be just fine. [to Doctor] By the way, the reason that the baby's father isn't here is because he's busy.
Doctor: I read the form. I have a pretty good idea what he's busy doing.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: What is taking so long? It's been hours.
Sophia: It took me three and a half days to have Dorothy. I finally coaxed her out with a pork chop.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: You know, Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how hard it was and how long it took to have me.
Sophia: Did I mention the colic?
Dorothy: Ma, you're hurting my feelings.
Sophia: Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
Dorothy: Ma!


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