Dorothy: Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never gonna make them happy. They're just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don't, because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!

Rose: I think it's great that you want to have your baby here. Boy, in St. Olaf, the mother was always with the daughter when she gave birth. And if the mother was out of town, then the mother of the father was there. And if she was out of town, then we'd call Lucky Gunther.
Dorothy: Oh, what the hell. She has a birthday coming up. Why, Rose?
Rose: After the thresher accident, they replaced Lucky's arm with a forceps. Yep. Lucky Gunther. He was in charge of delivering babies and handing out corn at the Rotary picnics.
Dorothy: Shut up, Rose.

Sophia: How come when company comes, I always have to sleep with Dorothy? How come I always get the short stick?
Dorothy: It's because you are the short stick.

Blanche: Oh. This is a birthing center? Where's the obstetrician? Where's the equipment?
Sophia: Yeah, she'd be better off having the baby in your bedroom. At least you've got stirrups.
Dorothy: And there's a better chance of finding a doctor.

Blanche: Oh, my God. Oh, will you just look at him?
Doctor: Mrs. Devereaux, that's the umbilical cord.

Sophia: You know why I call you pussycat, Pussycat?
Dorothy: Why, Ma? Because you only gave me yarn for Christmas? Because you fed me once and I hung around? Because you used to put me out at night?
Sophia: Because I love pussycats, and I love you. And you were the only one in the family who could catch mice.

Blanche: I think it's wonderful that you're taking part in the Senior Sports Classic. I might try entering it myself in 15 years, when I'm eligible. If I can come up with an event.
Dorothy: The luge is the only one where you get to lie on your back.

Becky: So, Mama, is it all right if I have my baby here?
Blanche: I only want what's best for you. Don't you want to have your baby with your obstetrician in your hospital in Atlanta?
Becky: Oh, I'm not having my baby in a hospital. I'm going to a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth in a relaxed atmosphere with no painkillers.
Blanche: Becky, I know I told you where babies come from. Did I ever mention where they come out?

Blanche: Being at the birthing center today brought back vivid memories of when I delivered Rebecca. It was so wonderful. When I woke up, there she was in my arms, just as goofy and hung over as I was. I vowed then and there to have 20 more.
Rose: Well, what stopped you?
Blanche: The drugs wore off.

Dorothy: Honey, don't worry. Just lie down. Come on, get into bed. We'll start timing the contractions.
Becky: I think one's coming on. Oh! Oh! Oh! Yikes!
Sophia: [tapping on the wall] Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.