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‘Triple Play’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Triple Play

515. Triple Play

Aired January 27, 1990

Miles' daughter tells Rose not to see her father anymore. Meanwhile, Blanche tries to meet men by advertising a Mercedes for sale, and Sophia is flush with cash after the government mixes up her social security.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I am so glad to finally meet you. Lunch is all set up out on the lanai. Your father says you're a classical musician. What do you play?
Caroline: The English horn.
Rose: I didn't know horns had nationalities. But I guess it makes sense. If jumping beans can be Mexican and fire drills can be Chinese and flies can be Spanish.

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Quote from Sophia

Rose: You're not having company, are you, Blanche? Because I want everything to go smoothly for Miles and Caroline. It's a big step, meeting a man's family.
Blanche: Don't worry about it, honey. Men will be over, but they'll be in and out all day.
Dorothy: Don't say it, Ma.
Sophia: I have to, Dorothy. At my age, when you don't say it, it can back up on you and come out some other way.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I wanna know, where did you get the money?
Sophia: The government has been kinder and gentler by sending me more social security checks than they used to.
Dorothy: The computer made a mistake. Ma, that money doesn't belong to you. Now, how much are we talking about?
Sophia: Enough to have you rubbed out if you rat on me.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: So far, 170 grand. But I haven't checked today's mail.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Do we have the ingredients for kerflugenglugen?
Dorothy: Come on, Rose, get with it. Do what the rest of us do. Buy frozen kerflugenglugen.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: All day tomorrow, men are gonna be showing up here for a test drive. You can tell a lot about a man by how he drives.
Dorothy: You know, that's true. Sometimes Stan couldn't even get the key in the ignition.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, do we know anybody named Cecilia?
Dorothy: Your cousin, Ma. She only has weeks to live.
Sophia: Oh! Next time I'll accept the charges.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: [answering phone] Hello? No. No, we don't have a car for sale. You must have the wrong number.
Blanche: Is it a man or a woman?
Dorothy: It's a woman, interested in a Mercedes.
Blanche: Mm-hm. Hello. Sorry, the car's been sold. Uh-huh. [hangs up]
Dorothy: Blanche, what is this all about?
Blanche: I have figured out the most wonderful way to meet men. Rich, eligible men. I put an ad in the paper saying I have a Mercedes for sale for a very low price.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Hi, Miles. How was your evening?
Miles: It was terrific. We saw a marvelous production of The Glass Menagerie.
Dorothy: Oh, that is one of my favorite plays.
Rose: Frankly, I was a little disappointed.
Miles: Really?
Rose: Yeah. When you told me you were taking me to a revival of Tennessee Williams, I was expecting something more along the lines of a seance.

Quote from Rose

Miles: Rose, I forgot to tell you. My daughter Caroline is flying in for my birthday. Maybe we could all go out to lunch. I'm very anxious for you two to get together.
Rose: Why don't you two come here for lunch? I'll cook something special.
Miles: That's a great idea. I loved what you made the last time. What was it called - gerkinflunken?
Rose: Oh, no, that was my uncle. The owner of St. Olaf's most famous haberdashery. He came up with the slogan, "You don't have to be Amish to look Amish."

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Morning, Ma. Sleep well?
Sophia: No. I had that recurring nightmare, the one where I'm in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, "Sorry, this is too sick even for me."

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: My first appointment's here, right on time. I've been out there watching him. He's been looking at the car and smiling. I feel just like a fisherman with a new lure.
Dorothy: You catch 'em, you clean 'em! Blanche, aren't you embarrassed, going through all this subterfuge to get a man?
Blanche: A man? I'm planning on getting a six-month supply!

Quote from Sophia

James: I'm here about the car.
Rose: [o.s.] Miles?
Blanche: No, honey, it's James. You stay right there and I'll get the keys. [exits]
James: How much mileage has she got on her?
Dorothy: Let's just say she's been around the block.
Blanche: Here we go, James. Let's put the pedal to the metal.
James: I can't believe anything that beautiful is so cheap.
Sophia: [Dorothy covers her mouth] I'm cramping up!

Quote from Sophia

Thomas: Hi, I'm here about the car.
Dorothy: Come in. Have a seat.
Thomas: Thank you. How're you doing?
Dorothy: Blanche will be here any minute. She's out on a test drive.
Thomas: Well, Blanche said I was gonna be the first.
Sophia: She's been using that line for 40 years.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, my God, Rose! Now I've got three excited men out there. And for the first time in my life it seems like too many.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Rose, those are Caroline's feelings, not Miles' - otherwise, why would he be here?
Rose: I was trying so hard to impress her.
Blanche: I remember when we had to impress a man's parents, not his children. Boy, Mother Devereaux was dead set against me marrying George. She wanted her little boy to marry a virgin. Hm!
Rose: How did she know you weren't?
Sophia: Maybe it was all those "Honk if you've had Blanche" bumper stickers.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I want you to promise that you'll send this money back to the government.
Sophia: They're not good with money - they can't handle it. They spent $400 for a toilet seat!
Dorothy: You know, Ma, I'm really surprised at you. When I was a little girl, you told me how much it meant to you when you came here to America for the first time. Do you remember what you thought of when you first saw the Statue of Liberty holding up her torch of freedom?
Sophia: I was amazed.
Dorothy: You see?
Sophia: I was amazed that women in this country shaved under their arms.
Dorothy: Ma, you told me how much America meant to you, how wonderful America was, how nice it is to be in a country that doesn't care about soccer. That money belongs to America. Ma, you have America's money and you have to give it back.
Sophia: Dorothy, please-
Dorothy: Look, Ma, you taught me to love this country. You were the first one to make me feel proud of being an American. You were the first one who put an American flag in my hand. Ma, why don't you take a moment and think what America has given you?
Sophia: Besides this 170 grand? All right. All right, all right, I'll send it back. All of it?
Dorothy: Yes, Ma, all of it.
Sophia: OK, OK. I just hope they want it back after an 83-year-old woman rolled around in it naked.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, how was lunch?
Miles: Blanche, I don't know how the woman does it. The herring was not only delicious, but it looked happy!
Blanche: Well, Caroline. Did you tell your daddy about your little talk with Rose?
Caroline: Not yet.
Miles: What did I miss?
Blanche: I think he has a right to know.
Caroline: I, uh, told Rose the truth, Daddy. It's too soon for you to have a relationship.
Miles: You what?!
Blanche: Now wait. Could I say something? Caroline, you think your daddy has become involved too soon after your poor mother's demise, but, honey, a year is more than respectable. Why, I've had men call me when their wives were in intensive care. Granted, these men were not pillars of the community.

Quote from Blanche

Caroline: Well, he is not ready.
Miles: Caroline! Caroline, your mother and I were married for 43 years. They were wonderful years. I didn't think I'd find someone I'd care about again, but this happens when it happens. I've got a second chance. I think it would be nice if you'd be happy for me.
Caroline: How could he do this?
Blanche: He has needs, honey. All men have needs. And there are women out there who will to stoop to any means to prey on those needs. Including false advertising. Oh, I know, 'cause I've met 'em. You just thank your lucky stars Rose Nylund is not one of those women.
Caroline: I never looked at it that way.
Blanche: Besides, after you get to know Rose, why, you'll... You'll... Oh, why spoil the surprise?

Quote from Rose

Miles: Look, Rose, I made it perfectly clear to Caroline how I feel about you.
Rose: Maybe Caroline is right. Your wife died such a little while ago. Maybe I am taking advantage of your vulnerability.
Miles: Rose, you're a smart woman.
Rose: Oh, you are vulnerable!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Let's get to the important stuff. Who am I going out with tonight?
Dorothy: Well, uh, James says he never wants to see you again. And, uh the truth is, I'm going out with Thomas tonight. You're not upset, are you, Blanche?
Blanche: Well, no, I'm not upset. It serves me right. Hey, matter of fact, take the Mercedes. Have a good time.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, that's awfully sweet of you.
Blanche: You got this coming. [on the phone] Hello. I would like to report a stolen Mercedes.


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