Marlowe: Ladies and gentlemen, you now have enough clues to solve these murders. Who did it, how and why?
Rose: The butler did it!
Maitre d': I'm a maitre d'.
Rose: Thank you. The maitre d' did it!

Miles: Rose, I forgot to tell you. My daughter Caroline is flying in for my birthday. Maybe we could all go out to lunch. I'm very anxious for you two to get together.
Rose: Why don't you two come here for lunch? I'll cook something special.
Miles: That's a great idea. I loved what you made the last time. What was it called - gerkinflunken?
Rose: Oh, no, that was my uncle. The owner of St. Olaf's most famous haberdashery. He came up with the slogan, "You don't have to be Amish to look Amish."

Dorothy: All right, leaving your husbands out of this, haven't you ever been glad when one of your relationships ended? Rose, how about that guy you dated last summer? Don't you remember? The one who played Goofy at Disney World.
Rose: I remember the passion, yes.
Dorothy: Do you remember why it didn't work out?
Rose: It just didn't.
Dorothy: Right. But why not?
Rose: I don't want to talk about it.
Blanche: Oh, Rose, honey, there's nothin' to be ashamed of.
Rose: He took off the Goofy head.
Dorothy: "He took off the Goofy head." See, that's not so bad.

Rose: It's yes. I know it is. She's gonna marry him.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose.
Rose: She can't help it. Blanche needs a man. She told me, when George died, she made a date at the funeral. Oh, not that she didn't love George. She can't be without a man. You know what I'm saying? [thrusting her hips]

Rose: Why, look who's here! I want you all to meet my mother, Mrs. Lindstrom. (loudly) This is Blanche and this is Dorothy and Sophia.
Dorothy: (loudly) Very nice to meet you. Tell me, how was your trip?
Mrs. Lindstrom: (loudly) It was just fine. (normally) Which one of them is hard of hearing?
Rose: Oh, no one is, Mother. We just didn't want you to have to strain to hear us.
Mrs. Lindstrom: But there's nothing wrong with my ears!
Rose: Of course there isn't.

Rose: [entering] Hi, Blanche. You look terrific.
Blanche: Thanks! [exits]
Rose: Blanche looks terrible.
Dorothy: She looks terrible because all she eats is bee pollen.
Rose: I know! Isn't it ironic that the bees look so good?

Rose: You've had enough for one day. Sit down and I'll bring you a nice cup of tea.
Mrs. Lindstrom: I don't want a cup of tea, I want to go out and have fun!
Rose: Mother, you know how you get when you get tired. You're liable to lose your balance and break a hip. That's exactly how it happened the last time.
Mrs. Lindstrom: Rosie, I broke my hip ice skating!
Rose: Do you want to go back to the hospital? Did you have fun the last time?
Mrs. Lindstrom: I had more fun than I'm having here with you.
Rose: Mother!
Mrs. Lindstrom: Stop mothering me! You make me sorry I came!

Blanche: As long as Glen and Dorothy are realistic and discreet about their situation, who are they really hurting?
Dorothy: No one. That's who.
Rose: Blanche, are you condoning their behavior?
Blanche: No, I'm just not passing judgment. Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we'd like it to. Sometimes we have to just grab our happiness where we can get it.
Rose: That's the same attitude that broke up Debbie and Eddie, Eddie and Liz, Liz and Dick, Martin and Lewis, Rowan and Martin.
Dorothy: Shut up.

Blanche: You know, your Miles is a pretty exciting guy. I hope you know that.
Rose: Oh, I know it now. You don't realize how much you care for a man until you see him streaking toward the earth trying to grab a bird.
Dorothy: Boy, he must really love you.
Rose: Well, I love him, too. Boy, am I glad I didn't jump.

Rose: That's settled. Now let's get a move on.
Blanche: Where you going?
Rose: To get the toilet paper for the Westons' house. But remember, we have to be really quiet. Dreyfuss will bark at anything, and Barbara carries a gun.
Dorothy: Oh, what the hell.