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‘There Goes the Bride: Part 1’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: There Goes the Bride: Part 1

616. There Goes the Bride: Part 1

Aired February 2, 1991

Sophia is unhappy when Dorothy decides to remarry Stan.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: So I don't know what to do. I tried to convince Myra that he's just a friend, but she wouldn't listen. She won't accept the divorce. I feel threatened.
Sophia: Oh, please, that's no threat. Where I come from, when someone wanted to make a point, they'd tie a string around your finger. Well, come to think of it, it wasn't a string, it was a piano wire. Actually, it wasn't your finger, it was your neck. Anyway, it was very popular. In fact, piano wire was our village's second biggest export. You know what our biggest export was?
Both: No.
Sophia: Too bad. I don't remember either. My God, I've left brain cells all over the Eastern Seaboard.

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Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I have some news. I told my mother about us.
Stan: You're kidding? How did she take it?
Dorothy: Pretty well.
Stan: Chest pains?
Dorothy: You remember.
Stan: Hey, you don't forget your wedding day.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Checkmate.
Sophia: Checkmate? I thought we were playing Yahtzee. OK, that's a do-over.
Blanche: No, that is not a do-over. You do this every time. Last time you thought it was checkers, before that it was Battleship, and twice you yelled out "snake eyes!"
Sophia: No, that was for you. It was a mascara note. Anyway, I can get out of this. The game's not over till the fat lady sings.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: [singing] I'm singing in the rain. Hi, girls.
Blanche: You're in a good mood, Rose. Is someone expecting her "special visitor" tonight?
Rose: Oh, don't be silly, Blanche. I haven't had my "special visitor" in years.
Sophia: Hey, neither have I. It's amazing, when you live with women, you get on the same cycle.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Rose was telling us about this secret date tonight.
Dorothy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Sophia: Rose has something called a "date," Dorothy. How can I explain this? Remember when you went to a restaurant and a man pulled out your chair? Well, if that had been a date, he would have warned you first.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Dorothy, do you love him?
Dorothy: Well, what does that mean, Blanche? He was my husband, he was the father of my children. Of course I have feelings for him.
Blanche: Uh-huh. Well, what are they?
Dorothy: Love. I guess I love him. Oh, I can't believe it. Of course I don't love the fact that he still keeps his toupee in the lettuce crisper. But it does look fresher, and you deal with it.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Who's on the phone?
Rose: It's that woman from the restaurant.
Sophia: Give me the phone. [on the phone] So, uh, you're Myra. Who am I? Some call me Sophia. Others know me as "The Terminator." Of course, these people have corneas that look like cotton balls.
Rose: Maybe I better talk.
Sophia: Is that right? Well, listen, Myra, I'm not afraid of you. I'm from Sicily. You know what the number one export of our village is? Ransom notes. [aside] I had a flashback in the can.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: What you doing, Rose?
Rose: Myra's been calling me at work and threatening me, so I'm fixing a flashlight to walk out to my car at night. In case she's planning on surprising me.
Blanche: Good. Women should always check their cars at night before they get in 'em.
Rose: Blanche, that's a wonderful idea. I was just gonna shine it under my chin to make myself look scarier.

Quote from Rose

Rose: From here on in, I guess I'm going to have to get used to calling you Dorothy Zbornak.
Dorothy: Rose, you've always called me Dorothy Zbornak.
Rose: I know, but I never really meant it.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma. Ma, Stan gave me an engagement ring.
Sophia: I see. Excuse me. [Sophia sticks her head in the microwave]
Dorothy: Ma, that's a microwave!
Sophia: I know. I want to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Dorothy, you crossed your legs. You lose another sticker.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. Rose, these games of yours are absolutely ridiculous. I mean, I can't think of anyone with enough control to keep her legs apart all the time.
Blanche: [enters, wearing a dress positively bedeviled with stickers] More chips?

Quote from Blanche

Police Officer: Sorry to interrupt. I got a call from a Mrs. Rose Nylund. The woman inside said you'd be here.
Blanche: My God. You are just perfect! Now look, that is her right there. She doesn't suspect a thing. You got your handcuffs?
Police Officer: Well, yes.
Blanche: OK, great. Now look, when I give you one of these- [slaps his behind]
Police Officer: Hiya!
Blanche: You go into your dance. You got it?
Police Officer: Listen, I think there's been a mistake-
Blanche: Oh, my goodness, everybody, just look who's here! [a well-toned man in a skimpy police uniform arrives] Why, we must have the music up too loud. I'll turn it down. There's your criminal. Prosecute her to the utmost of the law!
Dorothy: Blanche!
Rose: Oh, can you believe this? The stripper's here and we're missing it, all because of these stupid blindfolds!
Blanche: OK, Furillo, drop your pants. It's time for a little search and seizure.
Police Officer: Touch me again and you'll go to prison, lady!
Blanche: Honk, honk! Blanche!
Dorothy: Blanche, we have company. [points to the sparsely dressed "police officer"]
Blanche: This means you're a real cop?
Police Officer: Yes, ma'am.
Blanche: The name is Devereaux. Blanche Devereaux. Whoo!

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Maybe you ought to take a different approach with her. You know, a more traditional one.
Dorothy: Like?
Blanche: Ah, I don't know. Like, um... Set up a meeting and have Stan ask for your hand. In an Italian sort of way.
Dorothy: Well, what do you want me to do? Go in, bow my head and kiss her ring? Hey, you know something? That just might work. I mean, she thinks of herself as the Godfather. I'll just make her an offer that she can't remember.

Quote from Sophia

Stan: Sophia, thank you for coming. I want you to know how grateful we are that you are seeing us at this time.
Sophia: Did I sit down? Have I sat down yet?
Stan: I'm sorry.
Sophia: No, I mean, am I this short? My God, you two are like a couple of redwoods.


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