Dorothy: I cannot believe how excited I am! I mean, he's practically a stranger, and I am crazy about him! I haven't felt this way about a man ever before.
Blanche: Oh, honey, you've been hit by the thunderbolt! Love at first sight! It happened to me once.
Sophia: Once? You've been hit by more lightning than the World Trade Center!
Rose: I was hit by the thunderbolt once.
Sophia: Probably a direct hit to the forehead.

Rose: It was the first time I saw my Charlie. I was seven and he was eight. It was a hot Minnesota summer and he had put up one of those little stands on the sidewalk.
Blanche: Selling lemonade.
Rose: Insurance. And I bought a nickel policy on my red wagon. And right after that, my wagon was destroyed.
Blanche: How?
Rose: Some hogs trampled it. I was hauling home a smoked ham for Mama and I think it set them off. Anyway, that's when I fell in love with Charlie. He paid for a new wagon, even though my policy didn't cover acts of swine.
Dorothy: ... "Acts of swine."

Blanche: Girls, I am so excited! I am finally going to do something you've heard me talk about doing for years.
Sophia: You decided to install a trapeze over your bed.

Rose: Who was known as the world's fastest human being?
Sophia: Dominic Tansey.
Rose: It says Jesse Owens here.
Sophia: Trust me, it was Dominic Tansey. He got four women pregnant in one night. Two in New York, two in New Jersey.

Rose: Evil is as evil does.
Dorothy: Oh, will you stop being so judgmental! This is a situation you know nothing about! At least Blanche has been there and she knows what I'm going through.
Blanche: Well, not exactly. Actually, I've never been with a married man.
Rose & Dorothy: Get out of here!
Blanche: No, it's true! I just never figured a relationship with a married man was worthwhile.
Rose: Good for you, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, I'm no fool. The husband's always so guilty, he ends up giving the really expensive gifts to the wife!

Blanche: What'll you give me for it?
Rose: Oh, I couldn't buy your car. It's not my type. I want a car that says "practical." Your car says "available."
Blanche: Well, just take off my personalized plates!

Rose: Oh, Blanche, you remember a few days ago when I said your car was making a funny kind of a noise sometimes?
Blanche: Uh-huh.
Rose: Well, it's making it all the time now.
Blanche: It's nothing serious, I'm sure. It started making a wheezing, coughing, rattling kind of a sound every time it goes up a hill.
Sophia: Uh-oh, that's a bad sign. Those are the sounds Tony Triano made the night they wheeled him out of the home on a gurney.
Blanche: That car's in terrific condition. Sometimes it's a little hard to turn over in the morning.
Sophia: Tony Triano to a T.

Rose: Dorothy, he's married. You have to forget him!
Dorothy: I can't just forget him!
Blanche: Rose, come on. None of us is a schoolgirl anymore. Although, quite frankly, I am sometimes mistaken for one.
Dorothy: Oh, please, Blanche.

Dorothy: What are you doing up so late?
Rose: I was hungry. I was making myself a sandwich. Do you want one?
Dorothy: No, thanks, we went out to dinner.
Rose: Oh, that's nice. So you spent the evening at dinner.
Dorothy: No, we spent dinner at dinner. We spent the evening at a motel.
Rose: A motel? Dorothy! A cheap, tawdry, bare-bulb den of iniquity?
Dorothy: We didn't drive to Sodom and Gomorrah, Rose.

Rose: Dorothy's seeing Glen again.
Dorothy: That's right. And I don't need any advice. I can handle it.
Blanche: Dorothy, I had a third cousin who ran around with a married man for 15 years.
Dorothy: Are they still together?
Blanche: Well, they would be, but his wife shot him in the... boxer shorts. And after that, he just kind of lost interest.
Dorothy: (in unison) Lost interest.