Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing?
Sophia: Filling sandbags, Dorothy. There's a hurricane a-coming.
Dorothy: "A-coming"?
Sophia: That's right. People only use the "A" when a really big storm is a-coming or a-brewing. So grab a sack and start a-shoveling.

Blanche: Oh, you're back from your session early. Was it as cathartic as you thought?
Dorothy: Well, I don't know if "cathartic" is the word.
Rose: You should do what I do. I find if I repeat a word that's confused me, I look smarter than I really am. Like, "Was it cathartic?" "Oh, I've had a catharticism." "Of course, I'm not the type to kiss and cathartirize."

Dorothy: Ma, the weather report said nothing about a hurricane.
Sophia: Ida Pearlberg down at the senior center woke up this morning with a leg cramp. Need I say more?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Dorothy, when you get around my age, two things happen. One, you get more intuitive about the weather. And two, corn becomes your enemy.

Dorothy: Look, I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive, but in every relationship there are always times when you don't wanna be with each other. I mean, Stan and I went through a period where we had no marital relations at all. I totally cut off his sex.
Rose: You mean it grows back?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose. He's a lizard. I mean, we stopped having sex.

Rose: Hello, this is Rose Nylund and this is Blanche Devereaux.
Blanche: Hi, boys.
Rose: And we're going to be with you for the next eight hours on the Save the McKinley Lighthouse Telethon.
So, please call the number that's flashing on your screen to make your pledges. [555-G-I-V-E]
Blanche: And, uh, for that handsome guy in the red corvette that I cut off on Highway 12 yesterday, you can call my personal number which is flashin' on your screen now. [555-E-A-S-Y]

Sophia: What did I do?
Dorothy: You fixed my ex-husband up with my sister! You don't see anything wrong with that?
Sophia: That's perfectly normal. Do you know, in some primitive societies, it's considered good manners to give your ex-husband to your sister?
Dorothy: In some primitive societies they leave their elderly out in a field for large birds to feed on.

Stage Manager: Well, that's all for now. But, uh, ma'am, we really do need some female acts. Uh, you might want to tell your friend not to be so capricious with her judgments.
Rose: Ah, yes, indeed. For, as we all know, it's the capricious person whose capriciosity is never truly caprified.

Sophia: Okay. I'm glad we have this quiet time before the storm hits, because there's something I'd like to tell you.
Dorothy: What, Ma?
Sophia: I always thought of us as the Gabors.
Dorothy: Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.
Sophia: No, hear me out. I'm Jolie, the mother. Your sister Gloria, she's Zsa Zsa. And Eva... Well, Eva was, of course, your brother, Phil.
Dorothy: I'm not a Gabor?
Sophia: You're telling me.

Gloria: Hello, Stan.
Stan: Gloria. What are you doing here? You usually don't like to slum it with this part of the family.
Dorothy: Stan, please. She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.
Stan: Yeah, well, she's not getting mine.
Dorothy: She's not out of monkey, Stan. She's out of money.

Dorothy: Oh, and I feel great. As a matter of fact, a toast. To finality and closure. To husbands being out of our lives, and gone forever!
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy!
Dorothy: No, wait, wait. This This is good. I mean, don't cry. Why are you crying?
Rose: Our husbands are dead, you monster.
Dorothy: I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't mean it that way. Oh, come on now, let's celebrate.
Blanche: Celebrate? You don't know what it's like to have a husband die and leave you with nothin'. Just a closet full of suits that you spend the rest of your lonely life tryin' to get rid of. What are you, anyway, a 42 regular?