Dorothy: I wish you'd at least try to get along with her.
Sophia: I have tried. Did I complain about sharing my bed with her?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Did I complain when she used my Polygrip to fix the heel on her shoe?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Did I complain when she ruined your sweater when she washed it in a ditch out back?
Dorothy: She ruined my sweater?
Sophia: Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

Dorothy: Oh, hi, Aunt Angela, how was the apartment?
Blanche: She liked it very much.
Angela: Well, what's not to like? Some lovely people live there. It's close to the beach. And it's within my price range.
Dorothy: So are you going to take it?
Angela: Well, it's kind of small and there's not enough light.
Angela & Sophia: And there's no room for a goat.

Dorothy: Boy, this chicken looks great.
Rose: Girls. Girls, Count Bessie is missing. I went out to the garage to feed her and her cage was empty. Where could she be?
[After a moment of stunned silence:]
Dorothy: ... Uh, Aunt Angela. Where did you get this chicken?
Angela: The garage.
Blanche: I guess this means no live entertainment with dessert.

Blanche: Rose. Honey, you've got to stop torturing yourself like this. Now, Count Bessie is gone.
Rose: I know. It's just such a tragedy. Who cooks a musician at the height of her career?
Blanche: Rose, you've got to put this in perspective. Count Bessie was a chicken. It's not as if Angela had fried up Doc Severinsen.

Dorothy: Rose, honey, think of the positive things. Now, Count Bessie accomplished more in a few years on this earth than most chickens do in a lifetime. [to Blanche] Give me a break. I'm making this up as I go along. [to Rose] Above all else, that chicken was a great entertainer. And a great entertainer deserves to be remembered in a special way.
Blanche: Yeah. Like with a roast at the Friars Club. [laughing] I was only kidding.
Dorothy: Honey, it was just a joke.
Blanche: And a pretty darn good one.

Angela: Rose, what have you got there?
Rose: Exhibit A.
Angela: You know, I like Rose. But when a woman throws herself on a platter of chicken and screams "murderer", she's not playing with a full set of bocce balls. I'm getting out of here just in time.

Dorothy: You found an apartment?
Angela: Yeah. I went down to the Senior Citizens' Center this morning for the early bird special. You know, decaf coffee, sodium-free bacon and a chest x-ray. On the bulletin board, I saw some advertisements for roommates, so I picked out a few places and I found one I liked.

[As Rose plays the chicken's little piano with her nose:]
Rose: Hi, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Hi, Rose. Rose, do you know offhand if 911 is the right number to call for a straitjacket?
Rose: Dorothy, I can explain.
Dorothy: I know you can. That's the scary part.
Rose: You don't understand. When Mrs. Butell finds out about Count Bessie, she'll be devastated. There'll be a terrible void in her life. A void that only another musical chicken can fill.
Dorothy: Look, Rose, if you're worried about voids, start with the one in your head.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, do you believe it? Four chickens and not one of them has any musical ability.
Dorothy: It's a sad commentary, Rose. All the young chickens are wasting their time playing video games.

Dorothy: Ma thinks that Angela tried to steal her boyfriend.
Blanche: And you don't?
Dorothy: Of course not.
Blanche: Don't be so sure, Dorothy. Angela and Sophia are sisters. Sisters have a natural adversarial relationship.
Rose: That's 'cause it's genetic. It has to do with the double helix of the DNA molecule.
Dorothy: What?
Rose: It's true. I saw it on television. Peter Marshall played this microbiologist on The Love Boat and he was conducting sinister experiments on the Landers sisters.
Dorothy: My apologies, Rose. For a moment there, I didn't think it had been documented.

Dorothy: So the two of just started hitting him with your purses?
Sophia: Hey, he was cheating on me.
Angela: He got off easy. Back in Sicily, if Uncle Bruno had heard about this, boy would he have been in hot water.
Blanche: Ooh, what would Uncle Bruno have done to him?
Sophia: You hard of hearing? She just told you. He would have put him in hot water.