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‘Forgive Me, Father’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Forgive Me, Father

218. Forgive Me, Father

Aired February 14, 1987

Dorothy falls for a teaching colleague, unaware he is a priest.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I know what I'm talking about because I was in a very similar situation once. He was a man of the cloth. Totally dedicated to his vocation or so he said, but his eyes told me he was dedicated to me. We both knew it was wrong and we fought our feelings with every bone in our hot, longing, writhing bodies. Finally, it was just too much for us and we gave up and checked into a Best Western.
Dorothy: You had an affair with a priest?
Blanche: Priest? I didn't say he was a priest. I said he was "a man of the cloth". He was a fabric salesman. You know, we never made love again after that, but he did cover my La-Z-Boy for free.

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Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: I don't think I can do it.
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, of course you can. Look here, now you be Frank. I'll be you. OK? Why, Frank, you know I've been thinking, this is the third Saturday of our relationship and I don't even know what you like to eat. Why don't you come over for dinner this Saturday night and let me find out what whets your appetite.
Dorothy: And what are you serving for dessert, Blanche, penicillin?

Quote from Blanche

Frank: Good evening.
Blanche: ... ... Good evening, Father. My, my, this must be an important cause. Don't you usually make the nuns ask for money? I'll get my purse.
Frank: I'm Frank. I'm here to see Dorothy.
Blanche: ... You're the hunk? I mean Forgive me, Father. That is, forgive my language, not in your official capacity. I'm not even a Catholic. I'm a Baptist and you can't forgive us Baptists. Sweet Jesus, why am I babbling? I meant that in all due reverence. I never take the Lord's name in vain. Oh, God, now I'm lying to a priest.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: You know, you take the religious aspect out of this and it's really quite romantic. A man giving up everything for the woman he loves. It's kind of like the story of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.
Rose: Or the story of Rose and Charlie Nylund.
Dorothy: You know, when I think of one, I automatically think of the other.
Rose: When Charlie and I started dating, I got the feeling that his folks didn't like me. That's when I decided to get to the bottom of things and I found out about the ancient feud between the Nylunds and the Gorkleknabygens. That was my mother's maiden name.
Dorothy: Gorkleknabygen?
Rose: Originally, it was Gorkleknabygen-Höffstädlerfeil. But they shortened it. Because most of my mother's family were in show business. Anyway, when Charlie told them that we were gonna get married, they forbade it. They said they'd disown him if he married...
Dorothy: A Gorkleknabygen.
Rose: Right. And he'd lose his share of the family tile grout fortune. He didn't care. He told them he loved me more than grout.
Blanche: Must have been a tough choice for old Charlie.

Quote from Rose

Rose: You will not believe what happened to to me. I'm driving home, down Barnsdale Avenue, listening to my yodelling tapes, when the driver behind me starts furiously honking his horn. I decide to be a lady and let him pass. And what does he do? Pulls alongside, shouts obscenities that would make Joan Rivers blush, then speeds off down the street.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I'm sorry, Sophia, I'm just so upset.
Sophia: You know, you would feel a lot better if you had shouted back at the bocciagaloop.
Rose: Oh, I couldn't do that. I get so flustered in those situations.
Sophia: Hey, a well-chosen gesture can be very effective. Something like this.
Rose: Sophia, isn't that obscene?
Sophia: No. They mean, "good health," "have a nice day" and "would you like to squeeze my concertina?"

Quote from Blanche

Rose: But I don't understand. The table looked fine right where we always keep it.
Blanche: Honey, the table looked fine, but with her complexion, those yellow garden lights make Dorothy look like Eric Severeid.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Look out, St Dominic's. Sophia Petrillo feels lucky tonight.
Rose: Oh, tonight's the big bingo game, isn't it?
Sophia: The biggest. I got my lucky handkerchief. I can't lose.
Rose: Where did you find it?
Sophia: In my bra.
Rose: In your bra? What was your lucky handkerchief doing in there?
Sophia: I was blowing my breasts, Rose. I stuffed it in to give me cleavage, to turn on the butcher so I could get a decent piece of veal. And now, if you'll excuse me, there's an electric weed whacker at St. Dominic's with my name on it.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: How do I look?
Rose: Beautiful.
Blanche: Go back and change. Oh, honey, that might be alright for a gay funeral in New Orleans, but it's too- It's much too subtle for this evening. Dorothy, put on something flashy. Flashy. Something colorful.
Dorothy: That's really not me, Blanche.
Blanche: I know, honey, but take a chance. Be a woman.
Dorothy: It's an awful lot to ask, Blanche, but I'll try.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Why don't you just come on in and sit down. I'm Blanche. I'm Dorothy's roommate. Would you please get the door?
Frank: Dorothy's told me a great deal about you.
Blanche: Well, she seems to have left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
Frank: That I'm a priest? She didn't know.
Blanche: What'd she think? You were just a boring dresser?
Frank: She's just never seen me in cleric's clothing.
Blanche: I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off.
Frank: We do a lot of things real people do.
Blanche: Except for one very important thing. Boy, is that gonna put a hitch in Dorothy's plans.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Hello. I'm Rose Nylund. You must be Frank. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
Frank: Thank you, Rose. It's very nice to meet you.
Rose: Dorothy's done nothing but talk about you for weeks.
Blanche: Rose.
Rose: Every time she mentions your name, she practically glows.
Blanche: Rose.
Rose: I think she's really very smitten with you.
Blanche: Rose.
Rose: He's a priest, isn't he?
Blanche: Yes, Rose.
Rose: I'm so sorry Hell Town was cancelled.

Quote from Dorothy

Frank: You look lovely tonight.
Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Oh, so first you were a teacher and then you decided to became a priest.
Frank: Well, actually, first, I went to medical school for a year. Then I quit and became an assistant basketball coach, then I became a teacher, then came the priesthood.
Rose: What do you think you'll do next?

Quote from Rose

Rose: You know, black is your color. Did that influence your decision to enter the priesthood?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, the bingo game's over already?
Sophia: It wasn't a game. It was a travesty. They call four lousy numbers and, boom, Gloria Rossi's a winner. Six more numbers, Cecilia Kessler's jumping up and down, shouting, "I'm rich. I'm rich." Of course she also does this every Thursday morning on the boardwalk to attract men. Frankly, I think the whole thing was fixed. That's why I told Father Donatelli I'm gonna ask Hugh Downs to investigate. [to Frank] I guess they sent you over to shut me up.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, this is Father Leahy. He had dinner with us tonight.
Sophia: Pleased to meet you. What happened to your date?
Rose: Father Leahy is her date.
Sophia: Come here. Dorothy, sometimes a mother gets a little busy and forgets to tell her daughter everything she needs to know. So I'm telling you now. Don't date a priest. It's bad luck.
Dorothy: Ma.
Sophia: Trust me on this one. What happened to me at bingo tonight was no accident.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: So, did you decide what you're gonna do?
Dorothy: No. Oh, my luck. The first really wonderful guy I've met in a long time and he turns out to have a more serious involvement.
Rose: With whom?
Dorothy: Pam Dawber. The Church.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I thought I heard voices. Now I see that only two of them are God-fearing.
Dorothy: Ma, will you get off my back, I feel bad enough.
Sophia: You? What about me? Eighty-one-years I've eaten fish on Friday, even when the Pope told me I didn't have to. I go to Mass, I light candles, and for what? So it could all be flushed down the toilet, because my daughter insists on going out with Father Happy Pants.
Dorothy: Ma, you're not making it any easier.
Sophia: Look, Dorothy, in the end, only you can decide what's right for you. And whatever decision it is, I'll stand by you.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma.
Sophia: Just remember, make the wrong decision, you'll burn in hell forever. Sleep tight, pussycat.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm not here to confess, Father, I did that a day and a half ago. At my age, how much can I sin? What, I had an impure thought? I'd kill to have an impure thought. That would be two sins. But now I'm telling you your business. Let me get to the real point of my visit. It's about you and my daughter. I know everything and, frankly, I'm not thrilled. Of course, if you wanna break your mother's heart and leave the priesthood, that's between you and the Vatican, but there are a few things you should know about Dorothy before you get carried away. Look, I know priests are men and they have urges. What is it, lust? It'll pass. I do without. You get used to it. Get cable TV. Alright. Listen, your silence is deafening. I didn't wanna whip this one out, but I have no choice. She's been divorced. You know the rulebook. We're talking eternity here.

Quote from Sophia

Frank: Are we still on for dinner Thursday night?
Dorothy: Yes. But just so there won't be another misunderstanding, who is buying?
Frank: How about a Dutch treat?
Dorothy: Great. I'll see you Thursday.
Frank: Dorothy, thanks.
[Sophia emerges from the confessional booth to see Frank and Dorothy hugging]
Sophia: It's like you didn't hear a word I said!


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