Sophia: What business did you have inviting my sister to live here?
Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about? You're the one who invited her to live in Miami.
Sophia: Yeah, Miami the city, not Miami my house.
Dorothy: Am I missing something?
Sophia: You don't know Angela like I do. All my life, she always wanted whatever I had. Even if she didn't want it. She'll live here a while, see how nice I have it, and she'll try to muscle in.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. I think you're overreacting. Aunt Angela, where are you going?
Angela: I'm going to tape my name on the mailbox. After all, I live here now.
Sophia: Any more bright ideas, linguini-for-brains?

Sophia: I'll see you later. I'm going over to Tony's.
Dorothy: For lunch?
Sophia: No. I just called him. He was in bed. I heard female laughter in the background. It was Angela. They're sleeping together, just like I suspected. I'm going over there to kill her. I'll be back in time for Wheel Of Fortune.

Dorothy: Gosh. Wasn't that story about the heart transplant amazing?
Blanche: Oh, I wasn't paying attention. I was fantasizing about what Tom Brokaw looks like naked.
Dorothy: He must have sensed it. I thought I saw him looking down your blouse.

Sophia: Look, Dorothy. We won the dance contest at the Sons Of Italy bar.
Blanche: Oh, that's fantastic.
Dorothy: I had no idea you were such a good dancer.
Sophia: In the over-80s category you don't have to be. We were the only couple who could do the mambo without a walker.

Blanche: I will not have that filthy beast in my house. It belongs in a barnyard.
Rose: This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken. Wait till you see this. [exits]
Blanche: A showbiz chicken? What does she do, play the piano?
Rose: [enters] She plays the piano! You just wait until you see this.

Dorothy: Aunt Angela.
Angela: No, Sophia Loren. I stopped using Oil of Olay.

Blanche: So, Sophia, have you all had a chance to catch up on old times?
Sophia: Yeah, Angela filled me in on how all my friends and family back home are doing.
Dorothy: How is everybody, Angela?
Angela: Dead.
Sophia: Angela and I are the only two left of the original family.
Rose: That's terrible, Angela. Does that mean you're all alone back in Sicily?
Angela: Oh, no, I have a goat. Actually, I lead a very full life. I get up in the morning, milk the goat, go to a funeral, come back, feed the goat. Then I drink a bottle of Chianti and I pass out.

Dorothy: It's really a shame you and Ma don't live closer to each other.
Sophia: Dorothy is right. How many years do we have left? Twenty, thirty? We should live in the same town.
Angela: You want to come back to that little village in Sicily?
Sophia: Please, do I look like a woman who beats her laundry on a rock? I meant you should move here, to Miami.

Dorothy: Aunt Angela, what do you say?
Angela: Oh, I don't know. I'm too old to pick up and move to a strange country.
Sophia: What are you talking about? Before your husband died, you lived here for 30 years.
Angela: I don't know.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, honey, now just think about it. Who would you rather live with? Your sister or a goat?
Angela: Give me a minute.

Sophia: Maledizione, maledizione.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, what's wrong now?
Sophia: Living with Angela has been a nightmare. I don't think she's ever going to leave.
Dorothy: What has she done now?
Sophia: She used up my entire bottle of Porcelana. Look at all these liver spots. I've got more brown skin than the Temptations.