Dorothy: Aunt Angela.
Angela: No, Sophia Loren. I stopped using Oil of Olay.

Blanche: So, Sophia, have you all had a chance to catch up on old times?
Sophia: Yeah, Angela filled me in on how all my friends and family back home are doing.
Dorothy: How is everybody, Angela?
Angela: Dead.
Sophia: Angela and I are the only two left of the original family.
Rose: That's terrible, Angela. Does that mean you're all alone back in Sicily?
Angela: Oh, no, I have a goat. Actually, I lead a very full life. I get up in the morning, milk the goat, go to a funeral, come back, feed the goat. Then I drink a bottle of Chianti and I pass out.

Dorothy: Aunt Angela, what do you say?
Angela: Oh, I don't know. I'm too old to pick up and move to a strange country.
Sophia: What are you talking about? Before your husband died, you lived here for 30 years.
Angela: I don't know.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, honey, now just think about it. Who would you rather live with? Your sister or a goat?
Angela: Give me a minute.

Sophia: Maledizione, maledizione.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, what's wrong now?
Sophia: Living with Angela has been a nightmare. I don't think she's ever going to leave.
Dorothy: What has she done now?
Sophia: She used up my entire bottle of Porcelana. Look at all these liver spots. I've got more brown skin than the Temptations.

Dorothy: I wish you'd at least try to get along with her.
Sophia: I have tried. Did I complain about sharing my bed with her?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Did I complain when she used my Polygrip to fix the heel on her shoe?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Did I complain when she ruined your sweater when she washed it in a ditch out back?
Dorothy: She ruined my sweater?
Sophia: Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

Dorothy: Oh, hi, Aunt Angela, how was the apartment?
Blanche: She liked it very much.
Angela: Well, what's not to like? Some lovely people live there. It's close to the beach. And it's within my price range.
Dorothy: So are you going to take it?
Angela: Well, it's kind of small and there's not enough light.
Angela & Sophia: And there's no room for a goat.

Dorothy: Rose, honey, think of the positive things. Now, Count Bessie accomplished more in a few years on this earth than most chickens do in a lifetime. [to Blanche] Give me a break. I'm making this up as I go along. [to Rose] Above all else, that chicken was a great entertainer. And a great entertainer deserves to be remembered in a special way.
Blanche: Yeah. Like with a roast at the Friars Club. [laughing] I was only kidding.
Dorothy: Honey, it was just a joke.
Blanche: And a pretty darn good one.

Angela: Rose, what have you got there?
Rose: Exhibit A.
Angela: You know, I like Rose. But when a woman throws herself on a platter of chicken and screams "murderer", she's not playing with a full set of bocce balls. I'm getting out of here just in time.

Dorothy: You found an apartment?
Angela: Yeah. I went down to the Senior Citizens' Center this morning for the early bird special. You know, decaf coffee, sodium-free bacon and a chest x-ray. On the bulletin board, I saw some advertisements for roommates, so I picked out a few places and I found one I liked.

Dorothy: So the two of just started hitting him with your purses?
Sophia: Hey, he was cheating on me.
Angela: He got off easy. Back in Sicily, if Uncle Bruno had heard about this, boy would he have been in hot water.
Blanche: Ooh, what would Uncle Bruno have done to him?
Sophia: You hard of hearing? She just told you. He would have put him in hot water.