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‘How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia?’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia?

608. How Do You Solve a Problem Like Sophia?

Aired November 10, 1990

After the death of her friend, Sister Agnes, Sophia decides to become a nun. Meanwhile, Blanche lands Rose in legal trouble when she borrows her car and has an accident.

Quote from Blanche

Sophia: But this time, I'm gonna fulfill my destiny. This time, I'm gonna become a nun.
Dorothy: Do you believe what we just heard?
Blanche: I can't believe anybody would want to be a nun. I mean, "nun." The word says it.

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Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I'm her daughter Dorothy. You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: And, uh, what brings you here?
Sister Claire: The follow-up interview. We have very strict guidelines when selecting postulants, so we're going to put Sophia through a battery of psychological tests. It helps weed out the crazies and undesirables.
Dorothy: Sorry, Ma.

Quote from Dorothy

Mother Superior: So, Dorothy, I'll bet you love your mother a lot.
Dorothy: Well, that depends. What has she done?
Mother Superior: It's not necessarily anything specific. It's my feeling that life here is too structured for her.
Dorothy: I'm afraid I don't follow you.
Mother Superior: She is a stubborn, old, vindictive pack mule of a woman who won't follow the rules.
Dorothy: OK, I'm back with you.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Rose, good God. My heart is still poundin'. I was just in an accident.
Rose: Honey.
Blanche: But don't worry. I'm all right. I'm OK.
Rose: Oh, thank God. Any damage to your car?
Blanche: Well, that's the one bright spot. I had borrowed yours.
Rose: My car?
Blanche: You didn't ask if you could borrow my car. Well, I guess we both learned a lesson about leaving keys on the table.
Rose: Well, I can't believe this. How did it happen?
Blanche: Well, you know how I like to meet rich men by gently rear-ending expensive cars at red lights?
Rose: Yeah.
Blanche: Well, you say that like it isn't great. Rose, it's the perfect plan. You get to meet the guy, exchange addresses, then when he asks you who does good body work, you give him your phone number.
Rose: And this really works?
Blanche: Well, not this time. I had this really cute guy in a Jag lined up when this dork in a Duster cut in front of me and I nicked him instead.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what are you talking about?
Sophia: God spoke to me today at the funeral. He told me to join the order.
Blanche: God spoke to you? You haven't been eating chili dogs again, have you?
Sophia: That was an honest mistake. And to clarify, that's when I thought God was whistling to me. This was him talking.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, this is ridiculous. You don't want to be a nun.
Sophia: Yes, I do, Dorothy. God reminded me today that I've always had a dream, a very private dream, one I never talked about. When I was growing up, I wanted to join the convent. Well, until I was 17.
Rose: What happened then?
Sophia: Your father put his hand in my blouse.
Blanche: So?
Sophia: So I felt soiled, filthy, dirty. You know, in love.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Well, you're not gonna believe this. I've just been talking on the phone for a half-hour, and guess what.
Blanche: You forgot to dial first?
Rose: No.
Dorothy: You held the receiver upside down?
Rose: Unh-unh.
Dorothy: It wasn't even the phone, it was the TV remote control.
Rose: No.
Blanche: A shoe?
Rose: Blanche, please. I'm not an idiot. The TV has a remote control?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you actually went to a convent? Why didn't I know that?
Sophia: Because you're divorced. Technically, in the eyes of the church, you don't even exist. I spit on you. Unless, of course, the sister would like to spit on you first.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Excuse me. Sister, is it all right if I sit in? I don't think my mother would mind.
Sophia: Think again.
Dorothy: I'd go outside, but there don't seem to be any shady pines to sit under.
Sophia: Pillow, Pussycat?

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