Rose: Sophia, you have no idea how much we're gonna miss you. It's like losing a member of the family.
Blanche: Rose is right. You're just like a mother to us. We feel like your daughters, too.
Sophia: I feel the same way. Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got common sense and you know what you're doing.
Rose: Oh, Sophia.
Sophia: Blanche, you're a slut.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia.

Dorothy: Look at you. A nun. I didn't think I'd be shocked like this. It's just that you look so different than when Blanche is dressed as a nun.

Sophia: God, I'm so confused. I don't know where I belong. I'm trying to wrestle with the deep religious questions of the ages. Like, what do you really want from me? What is my real purpose in life? What was Edward G. Robinson doing in The Ten Commandments?

Sister Claire: We'll start with the ink blots.
Sophia: Uh, "Who was a 1950s black singing group?" Am I right? Am I in? Am I a nun yet?
Dorothy: She watches a lot of Jeopardy!
Sister Claire: No, no. You look at each one and tell me what you see. It's a standard test used by psychologists, but we find it useful in our line of work, too. Now what do you see?
Sophia: I see an angel.
Sister Claire: Very good. How 'bout this one?
Sophia: Uh, I see a dove perched upon the throne of God.
Sister Claire: Excellent. And this?
Sophia: I see the Blessed Mother smiling sweetly as she pours love upon the hearts of the righteous standing at the gates of heaven, while St. Peter-
Dorothy: Ma! Come on, you're making that up.
Sophia: I am not.

Sophia: So, uh, what's new at home?
Blanche: Oh, I did get a chance to go into your bedroom, Sophia, and there's just no way I'll be able to refund your cleaning deposit.
Sophia: Totally understandable. I'll see you in court, my child.

Blanche: Oh, Rose, good God. My heart is still poundin'. I was just in an accident.
Rose: Honey.
Blanche: But don't worry. I'm all right. I'm OK.
Rose: Oh, thank God. Any damage to your car?
Blanche: Well, that's the one bright spot. I had borrowed yours.
Rose: My car? You didn't ask if you could borrow my car.
Blanche: Well, I guess we both learned a lesson about leaving keys on the table.
Rose: Well, I can't believe this. How did it happen?
Blanche: Well, you know how I like to meet rich men by gently rear-ending expensive cars at red lights?
Rose: Yeah.
Blanche: Well, you say that like it isn't great. Rose, it's the perfect plan. You get to meet the guy, exchange addresses, then when he asks you who does good body work, you give him your phone number.
Rose: And this really works?
Blanche: Well, not this time. I had this really cute guy in a Jag lined up when this dork in a Duster cut in front of me and I nicked him instead.

Dorothy: Ma, this is ridiculous. You don't want to be a nun.
Sophia: Yes, I do, Dorothy. God reminded me today that I've always had a dream, a very private dream, one I never talked about. When I was growing up, I wanted to join the convent. Well, until I was 17.
Rose: What happened then?
Sophia: Your father put his hand in my blouse.
Blanche: So?
Sophia: So I felt soiled, filthy, dirty. You know, in love.

Dorothy: Ma, you actually went to a convent? Why didn't I know that?
Sophia: Because you're divorced. Technically, in the eyes of the church, you don't even exist. I spit on you. Unless, of course, the sister would like to spit on you first.

Blanche: Can you imagine? Rose is tryin' to blame the whole thing on me. That woman has one hell of a lot of nerve. [to Sister Claire] Hello. I'm a Baptist.

Dorothy: Look, anyone can clearly see that is a picture of John Forsythe lying naked in a pool of honey. Isn't it?
Sophia: Do you think I would lie to get into the convent?
Sister Claire: It does look a little like John Forsythe, doesn't it?