Murray: No more wrestling in this house. No more TV, no more dolls, all holds barred!
Barry: What about my monthly wrestling magazine?
Murray: Subscription cancelled!
Adam: Or the Rock 'n' Wrestling coloring book?
Murray: I want your crayons, too!
Barry: What about the Wrestling Stars board game?
Murray: You lose!
Adam: Sling-'Em Fling-'Em Wrestling Ring?
Murray: Why would anyone want that?
Barry: "Macho Man" Randy Savage plush wrestling buddy?
Murray: I swear you said that one already.
Adam: Wrestling Superstars Thumb Wrestlers?
Murray: Did I buy you all these?

Barry: "The Honky Tonk Man's" guitar?
Murray: Now you're just making these up!
Adam: Jesse "The Body" Ventura's boa.
Murray: Be careful with that. It's your sister's.
Barry: Hulk Hogan's glasses.
Murray: I've been looking for those!
Adam: Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake's hedge clippers.
Murray: Those belong in the garage!
Barry: Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, master of the figure four leglock.
Murray: Who's naming these guys?
Adam: Or "The British Bulldog's" teacups.
Barry: Cheerio.
Murray: Those are for good company!

Officer Puchinski: But I suppose you can start with a neighborhood watch. You know, pick a captain and walk around the neighborhood.
Beverly: Well, then it's settled. [chuckles] Everyone will sleep safely tonight knowing that Captain Beverly Goldberg is your champion of peace...
Jane: I'll do it.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was our neighbor, Jane Bales, the one person in town who was even more Beverly Goldberg than Beverly Goldberg.
Beverly: Oh. Jane. How cute. I think, though, everybody agrees I should be captain because Beverly Goldberg gets things done.
Jane: Except the person who really gets things done is Jane Bales. [puts coffee mug down]
Beverly: [laughs] Well, she gets 'em done without a coaster [chuckling] apparently. Let me tell you how Bevy G gets things done. I'm the kinda lady who will return a bathing suit without a receipt.
Jane: Big whoop. I returned a bathing suit without a receipt after wearing it for a year. [all gasp]
Beverly: I once returned just an elastic waistband to a store I didn't even buy it from because that is what kinda nightmare I am.
Jane: I returned a one-piece I didn't even have in my possession to a bank. Oh, yeah, I am a walking demon on this Earth. [all gasp]

Adam: Cage-side seats? This is amazing!
Barry: We're gonna have the greatest day of our lives!
Murray: Hell, yeah, we are!
Barry: Wait. You're going, too?
Murray: Yeah. I wouldn't let you go to Wrestletown without me.
Adam: WrestleMania.
Murray: I can't wait to see Hunk Hoggins.
Barry: Hulk Hogan.
Murray: And Andy Macho Dan Rather.
Adam: Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
Murray: All the greats!

Virginia: Oh, gosh, Bevy, I'm a wreck. Someone broke into my car last night.
Beverly: Oh, no!
Virginia: They put a giant hole in my windshield.
Erica: You know, Geoff had the same thing happen to his crappy car last night.
Geoff: Yeah, someone put a hole in my windshield, too. And in my sense of well-being.

Beverly: Thank you for coming, everyone. I've got Officer Puchinski here to give us some tips about how to deal with this crime wave and make sure that nobody gets decapitated.
Geoff: Decapitated? It's just a hole in my windshield!
Beverly: Well, that's how it starts, Geoffrey. Do you have any enemies?
Geoff: Well, the sun is no friend of mine. I freckle up fierce.
Beverly: We're not talking about your gross skin.
Beverly: We're talking about someone that might want to separate your head from your shoulders, and do God knows what with it.
Geoff: Somebody please do something!
Beverly: Officer, any leads on who might lop off Geoff's head?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom lost her bid for captain, my brother and I were hoping to win big with our dad.
Barry: Father, out of respect for you and "Manimal," we waited for a commercial.
Adam: Indeed. But the most important event in human history, WrestleMania IV, is happening, and we humbly seek your help.
Barry: This request is merely financial.
Adam: And since you know we respect the enraging-yet-reasonable wrestling ban due to broken lamps and Barry's toe, which is healing ahead of schedule...
Barry: It is way not, but such is life.

Pops: Murray, you don't just inject yourself into their lives like it's normal. What's going on?
Murray: Remember that, uh, dermatologist I saw last year?
Pops: I knew I'd outlive you.
Murray: No. My skin is perfect. But the doctor, not so much. He's dead.
Pops: Dr. Lewenstein? He was younger than you and very active.
Murray: Yeah, well, it didn't matter. One day, he's camping with his kids, the next day, poof, he's gone.
Pops: He always had his shirt off. Abs like a xylophone.

Murray: The point is, if something like that happened to me, my kids wouldn't even be able to say that we went camping.
Pops: Barry hates camping. He can barely poop indoors.
Murray: Camping is just an example. It could be anything. Otherwise, what are they gonna say about me?
Pops: That you had the decency to keep your shirt on.
Murray: And you're Bruce Lee?
Pops: Look, you've been saying all year how you want to make some memories with the kids. Now's your chance.
Murray: That's what I'm doing. I'm throwing away good money to watch something I hate. That's a memory that'll last forever.
Pops: You wanna make it special? Take them to see it in person.

Beverly: Now, I've gone over this map, and I have determined that all of the car break-ins in this neighborhood have happened on this block.
Geoff: Oh, no! A pattern!
Erica: It's two pushpins, Geoff.
Geoff: You see it, too!