Geoff: Hanky-panky!
Erica: What?
Geoff: An illicit entanglement is brewing between Barry and Lainey!
Erica: No way. I know Lainey, and she would never make that mistake again. For the third time.
Geoff: I don't know, whenever Lainey's around, Barry gets all weird.
Erica: He's Barry. Weird is his natural state. Plus, he's over Lainey.
Geoff: I just don't see Barry ever fully moving on.
Erica: Where is all this coming from?
Geoff: Okay, one, Barry is on record saying that jean shorts are the uniform of "half-men." Two, Barry would never go to Matt Bradley for advice about anything, and three, Matt Bradley is out of town!
Erica: Even if Barry was dumb enough to go back down that road, there is no way that Lainey would. If she was even thinking about it, she'd tell me. I'm her best friend!
Geoff: Maybe. But there are two words she hasn't shared with you... hanky-panky.

Adam: So, what are we working with? Lay it on me. Who's lining up for a dose of Vitamin A?
Beverly: Lotta interest, um, but I think this might not be dating season.
Adam: Dating season?
Beverly: You know how many ladies like to go away on vacation at the end of February.
Adam: Oh, my God. Nobody wanted to go out with me, did they?
Beverly: You're a bit of a tough sell. You put off going to college, you're working part-time in a diner, you're living at home, and it does not sweeten the pot that you're currently seeing someone else in a non-exclusive sitch. Now, the only one that might be a possibility is Essie, but she said she'd have to think on it.
Adam: This is a nightmare!
Beverly: It's tearing me apart that the world can't see my boy for the hot property he is, even though, in this moment, to all appearances, it seems like you're a loser.
Adam: Thank you?

Geoff: So, your incredibly specific tale of infidelity got me thinking. You're not the only one who can spin a convincing yarn about a torrid dalliance.
Erica: Alright. Get whatever this is out of your system.
Geoff: I'm just saying, I, too, know an out-of-the-way motel where the touching of non-wives may occur.
Erica: Oh, no. I feel super threatened.
Geoff: That's right. I would do some touching.
Erica: Could you possibly be more specific?
Geoff: Happily. Know that said touching would be the touching of an unfamiliar female person...
Erica: Uh-huh.
Geoff: And perhaps, if her hands are clean, underneath this rugby shirt.
Erica: You're incredibly bad at this.
Geoff: Please never leave me.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, I was a boy who put it all on the line romantically. But now that I was kind of an adult in kind of an adult relationship, I didn't need to do that stuff anymore.
Adam: Nice ketchup work. [chuckles] You really know your way around a bottle of red.
Carmen: Aww, look who knows how to talk to a lady.
Adam: I used to be a tad uncomfy around the gals, but now complimenting your condiment work is as easy as breathing.
Carmen: Don't you carry an inhaler?
Adam: You know it. You and ragweed take my breath away, girl. [Carmen giggles]

Johnny Atkins: Goldnerd! What the hell, bro?! Stop getting freaky with the mop.
Adam: Sorry, I was in a semi-fugue state dreaming about my special lady.
Johnny Atkins: Nancy Reagan?
Adam: No.
Johnny Atkins: Poetess Maya Angelou?
Adam: What?
Johnny Atkins: Leslie Nielsen?
Adam: It's Carmen, my girlfriend!
Johnny Atkins: Yeah, I don't think so, man.
Adam: We're literally dating, and you think white-haired actor Leslie Nielsen is a more likely romantic partner for me?
Johnny Atkins: Tennis legend Billie Jean King?
Adam: Yep, BJK. You got me.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was useless... I would always be a romantic at heart. Which meant it was time to celebrate our relationship, no matter how small the reason.
Beverly: Oh, don't worry. I won't peek at the special surprise someone's making his mamaaaa! [chuckles]
Adam: None of this is for you. And why would it be?
Beverly: Because it's Mother's Day.
Adam: No, it's not. It's a random Tuesday in February.
Beverly: Well, every day should be Mother's Day. We only created the entire world.
Adam: You certainly created this awkward moment.

Adam: And these are for Carmen.
Beverly: Really? You're still seeing that girl, huh?
Adam: For the millionth time, yes.
Beverly: So what's it gonna be this time? A standard Say Anything boombox followed by a trellis climb for a PG-rated smooch?
Adam: You don't know all my moves! But basically, yeah. It's our "one month-iversary."
Beverly: Month-iversary?!
Adam: Plus I rented a tux, and I'm putting the final touches on a patented Adam Goldberg mixtape! Why are you crying?
Beverly: I just remember when you were so teeny and innocent and didn't like strange local women.
Adam: I'm taking this upstairs.
Beverly: [holds up boombox] But I love you! I've always loved you! Okay, how do you turn this thing on from here?

Lainey: Now where's that little beam of sunshine?
Erica: Auntie Lainey, meet Muriel.
Lainey: Oh, my God. [sighs] This is the cutest child who ever walked the earth.
Geoff: Oh, she's actually not walking yet. The doctor said it's totally normal, no matter how many times I ask him.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Geoff worried that Barry and Lainey were falling back into a romance, my mom was worried about my romance with Carmen.
Beverly: Adam and that Carmen are moving way too fast.
Virginia Kremp: I thought we were discussing my recent health scare, but let's pivot to you.
Beverly: I mean, his little heart is just so sensitive. What if she rejects him? It'll crush him.
Virginia Kremp: He does seem like a person who's been shielded by someone from experiencing most things any adult would have by now.

Adam: So then, you were on a date?
Carmen: Yeah, but, I mean, it's okay, 'cause you and I are casual, right?
Adam: [laughs] Oh, definitely! Casual!
Carmen: Wait, why do you have roses? And what's the cassette?
Adam: These roses are... for Carla! She's had a hard time lately.
Carla: Awww. I can totally sell these.
Adam: And the mixtape is... for Johnny! Friendship mix!
Johnny Atkins: How much Rush is on here?
Adam: Somewhere between zero and none.
Johnny Atkins: You don't know me at all! Friendship rejected!