Adult Adam: [v.o.] And things went from bad to worse when Erica came home to a scrunchie on the door. Back before texting, this message meant your roommate had romantic company, so go away.
Erica: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Other Erica: Um, hello! Scrunchie on the door.
Erica: Just open up. I'm exhausted.
Other Erica: Oh, I'd love to help you, but I'm entertaining Hector. He plays the flute.
Erica: I don't want to know Hector facts. I want to sleep in my own bed.
Other Erica: I'm sorry, but it's the scrunchie rule. Go sleep in the common room with the other loveless losers. Byeee!

Erica: Such bull crap. I used to be best friends with my roommate, and now we fight over who left the cap off the toothpaste.
Geoff: It was you, huh?
Erica: It was obviously me, but that's not the point.

Geoff: What about me? I can be mildly irritating sometimes.
Erica: Oh, well, if you want to help, you can open this because it's impossible.
Geoff: Okay, fine, but I'm- I'm not gonna clean up the soda that Barry spilled. I'm just gonna blot it, okay?! Just in case anyone slips and hurts themselves.

Murray: Does this goodbye feel too long to you guys, too?

Murray: Exactly. No kids to ask me for money or touch the thermostat.
Beverly: No one to feed or clothe or tickle their backs to sleep.
Murray: Which is a good thing. It's why you got the whole Bevformation.
Beverly: Bevolution. And you're right. I-I need to accept the fact that soon I will have no one to take care of.
Murray: Look at me. I promise. When our kids leave, I will never, ever wash a dish. That's my gift to you.

Beverly: Oh, my God, Rick, are you okay?
Coach Mellor: I'm tip top! Aside from the fact that I gotta sleep standing up and I can't take this shirt off.
Beverly: Isn't there someone who can take care of you?
Coach Mellor: I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Aside from washing, eating, and opening damn cheese.

Erica: I guess the bad news is for you, because he's staying the whole weekend, which means you go. I'll grab the rest of your colognes and ninja weaponry from the car.

Beverly: Well, that's gotta make you feel special, Coach Rick. Maybe special enough to share your feelings?
Coach Mellor: Well it's like my neck is so jacked up, I can't even blow my whistle.
Coach Nick: Bro, you never been so real to me before. I guess it's my turn to get even realer. I don't have a home.
Murray: Oh, boy.
Coach Nick: Kathleen kicked me out 'cause I didn't notice she changed her hair.
Beverly: My God, Coach Nick, where have you been staying?
Coach Nick: At the gym. I sleep on the weight bench and use a kettle bell as a pillow.
Coach Mellor: You can stay with me in my junior single condo, brother.
Beverly: With one tiny bed? No, no. You're both staying here for the weekend. I won't take "no" for an answer.
Murray: Oh, boy.

Beverly: Rick, why don't you show Nick where Erica's room is?
Coach Mellor: She has a keyboard. It's awesome.
Coach Nick: I can play Axel Foley's theme!

Erica: What the hell?
Barry: Bup-bup! 98, 99.
Erica: First of all, [gags]. Second of all, I hope you'll enjoy brushing her greasy mane in the common room because that's where you both will be tonight.