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The Scrunchie Rule

‘The Scrunchie Rule’

Season 5, Episode 16 -  Aired March 21, 2018

When Erica falls out with her college roommate, she calls in help from Jenkintown. With the kids out of the house, Beverly focuses her motherly love on an injured Coach Mellor.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Mama, I need you!
Beverly: Schmoopie, you're home!
Adam: I came home 'cause I missed you. And I got scawwed. [babbling] Uhh, will you give me sniffies on my head?
Beverly: I am gonna sniff the [bleep] out of your head!


Quote from Barry

Other Erica: Ugh! How did you live with your sister for so long?
Barry: I was a baby for the first part, so I don't remember anything. But once I was able to form memories, it got awful. So, I get it.

Quote from Barry

Other Erica: What? Did we just finish each other's-
Both: sentences? [Both gasp]
Barry: Wow, we did it again!
Other Erica: Your Drakkar suddenly smells good to me.
Barry: My sweat activates it.
Other Erica: Awesome.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey, Bevie! Hey, Bar.
Coach Mellor: Hey, Mr. G.
Murray: This isn't our moron. This is a grown man with a neck brace.
Coach Mellor: Good eye.
Murray: Literally the first weekend that our kids are gone, you're already replacing them?
Beverly: Please. I'm not trying to replace anybody.
Murray: He's eating all my food and wearing Barry's dumb orange shirt.
Coach Mellor: Your face is dumb.
Murray: What?
Coach Mellor: Nothing.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Dad! I got your message and rode Dave Kim's sister's bike the whole way here. What's the emergency?
Murray: Go snuggle your mother.
Adam: I thought this was serious.
Murray: It is! Your mom's in a bad place, and the only thing that'll snap her out of it is her delicious little snuggle monster.
Adam: What?
Murray: You'll always be your mother's baby. Now go let her smell your head.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Today, we will be climbing the celebrated gym rope. Fear not. This inch and a half of blue cushion will probably break your fall.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Adam: Coach, you okay?
Coach Mellor: Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Now, make room for me to acrobatically leap to my feet like a jungle cat.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: It is not a tiny sprain! I've ruptured my C2 vertebra. As a result, I can no longer aggressively sneeze or use my full head to properly whistle.
Adam: Man, I feel like this is kinda partially my fault, Coach.
Coach Mellor: Oh, it is 100% your fault. And as such, I will unfairly put you on a dodgeball team with a bunch of weak-armed scrubs so you get yours.

Quote from Erica

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 21st, 1980-something, the week my sister hit an important college milestone, growing to hate her roommate. And the tipping point a box of chewy fruit snacks.
Erica: Have you seen my Shark Bites?
Other Erica: I've seen no Shark Bites.
Erica: Weird, because, um, when I went to class, my Shark Bites were here. And now, my Shark Bites are gone!
Other Erica: Are you, like, suggesting I ate your Shark Bites?
Erica: Oh, I'm saying you ate my Shark Bites. You owe me Shark Bites!
Other Erica: And you owe me half a Taco Bell taco I left out last night!
Erica: So, you admit it.
Other Erica: Oh, I admit it. I ate them all. And my tummy is super jacked up, but it was worth it to even the score.
Erica: I will eat everything you own!

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Okay, I think I may have a solution. When I went to visit my cousin at UCLA, I found out that there's one thing that overrules the scrunchie: an out-of-town guest. I mean, you can't make a visitor sleep in the common room. That's just rude.
Erica: And it's perfect. All I need is an out-of-town guest, and I win!
Geoff: How 'bout a foxy one who no longer needs his asthma nebulizer because he went through a yearlong course of shots for dust mites? That was supposed to sound cooler than it did.

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