Adam: Hey, Mama. Those vanilla-chunk cookies smell amazing.
Beverly: You know what else is an amazing vanilla chunk? You.
Barry: [chuckles] Not on my watch.
Beverly: Barry, no. This neck nuzzle is for Adam.
Barry: Well, you have no choice but to nuzzle my neck instead.
Beverly: Well, that's an unexpected win-win.
Barry: Aah! Don't doubt yourself, Barry. Do it for the Phillies. This is so worth it.
Beverly: [laughs] This really is!

Beverly: Oh, God, I see Murray tears.
Murray: [crying] I can't help it!
Barry: No, don't you cry. If you cry, I'll cry.
Murray: I'm just so damn proud. You know what? Talk to your mom. Let me get my bearings.

Barry: Wow. This is just so typical of you. Beverly Goldberg, always stepping on her kids' dreams.
Beverly: No, I do the opposite. Everyone knows that. Murray, back me up here.
Murray: I have to side with Bar on this one. You know, if I don't support his talent, then I have failed as a father.
Beverly: No, that's the thing that I say. "I failed as a mother."
Barry: You said it, not me.

Barry: Are you sure it's this far?! Kind of seems like it'd be very taxing on a pitcher's arm!
Beverly: No, that's right. I looked it up in the library.

Murray: This is bad.
Beverly: Yes, it is.
Barry: Whoo! [laughs] When I throw, I feel God's power!
Murray: We can't let him do this.
Beverly: We're [bleep].

Adam: Mom, help me out! Don't make me do this opportunity of a lifetime, please.
Murray: So help me, if you don't take this opportunity of a lifetime, I will ground you.
Beverly: Okay, I cannot stand by and let this opportunity of a lifetime tear this family apart.
Adam: Let's just give this godforsaken opportunity of a lifetime back.
Murray: You can't just give it back. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
Pops: Opportunity of a lifetime? I'm intrigued.
Murray: Great. Al will throw out the first pitch at the Phillies' game.
Pops: Oh, God, no. What kind of a fekakte opportunity is this? Barry, you like baseball. Have I got an opportunity of a lifetime for you.

Pops: There it is. He lobbed it right in there.
Beverly: He was so good! Oh, he's a natural!
Adam: He didn't even throw from the mound.
Beverly: They're gonna sign him! They're gonna sign my baby!
Pops: Just let her have this. He's a pro all right!

Erica: Seriously, college is the best. My classes are, like, so interesting.
Lainey: Mine, too. I'm always like, "I did not know that."
Erica: I love the parties and meeting smart people and living with my roommate, who is awesome.
Lainey: [scoffs] Tell me about it. I love my roommate, The Raven.
Erica: The what?
Lainey: It's her Wiccan name. She's so cool and artsy and chain smokes and flicks the ashes at me while I sleep.
Erica: Yeah, she doesn't sound great.
Lainey: That's 'cause she's not! She's horrible and scary! And I hate her and everything else at college.

Lainey: Is this really happening? Are we blowing off school to become a rock-'n'-roll super-group?
Erica: We'll be like Joan Jett meets The Bangles.
Lainey: Meets Madonna.
Erica: Obviously!

Erica: All we need now is a kick-ass lady drummer.
Lainey: Ooh, that's gonna be hard to find.
Other Erica: I'll do it.
Erica: Wait, really? I thought you were an Art History major.
Other Erica: My stupid mom forced me to take marching band in middle school.
Erica: So you still play?
Other Erica: No, but I air-drum to Genesis, like, all the time and I'm, like, sick at it.
Erica: Okay, we got our drummer! It's fate!
Lainey: Seriously, what are the chances you end up with a roommate who likes the idea of drumming?
Erica: This literally can't fail. Dude, look at her go! That probably sounds amazing.