Previous Episode Next Episode 

44Quotes from ‘Spaceballs’

The Goldbergs: Spaceballs

521. Spaceballs

Aired May 9, 2018

When Adam starts a Mel Brooks appreciation society at school, Jackie mistakes his poster for social commentary and invites him home to meet her politically-active parents. Elsewhere, Erica breaks the news to her parents that she is dropping out of college.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Erica's ditching college to form a band.
Murray: No.
Erica: Well, look at that. Dad's still alive and oddly calm, considering I'm dropping out.
Murray: The reason I'm so calm is because it's not happening, moron. I was a deadbeat loser before college. It turned my life around.
Beverly: And dropping out was the biggest regret of my life. I could have been a lawyer.
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

Rate

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I'll fix it.
Erica: Fix it how? How is he moving so fast on a bad foot?
Beverly: Your father's been activated. It's a combo of aggravation, frustration, and rage so powerful it makes him the most determined man on the planet.
Pops: Look at him go!
Erica: How is he across the quad already? Is he climbing stairs? He's climbing stairs two at a time, and without a rail.
Beverly: Even stairs can't stop him when he's activated.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Oh, my God. Adam, this is fantastic. Look, you guys. This is exactly what this paper needs, a political cartoonist.
Adam: Uh, whuzzanuh?
Dave Kim: Oh, man. He's using Darth Vader as a commentary on Reagan's destruction of our environment.
Coach Mellor: We are not printing this smear piece, commie! Ronald Reagan's an American hero, and he created the Presidential Physical Fitness Test with his bare hands.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I'm gonna take a nap.
Erica: Please, just listen to our first song. I know you'll see that this is what I'm meant to do.
Murray: [snores]
Other Erica: Gross.
Erica: How are you already asleep?
Beverly: Your father's been deactivated, sweetie. He won't wake for another two to sixteen hours.
Other Erica: His feet are on your pillow.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Howdy, girls.
Murray: Yeah, hello, hello, hello. Let's just go to your room. I gotta sit down.
Pops: You just sat for the last three hours.
Murray: Driving isn't sitting! Take me to your dorm.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: You're gonna kill your father.
Erica: No, don't do your whole I'm-killing-Dad guilt routine.
Beverly: You're gonna kill your father dead right where he stands.
Erica: Mom, this is my dream in life.
Beverly: So it's your dream to kill your father dead with your bad decisions? That's your big dream?
Erica: Pops, I really need you here, man.
Pops: You just killed your father.
Erica: What are you doing? You gotta support me like you always do.
Pops: You want me to support you killing your father?

Quote from Murray

Murray: It's like you're trying to kill me dead right where I stand!
Pops: This is a disaster!
Beverly: I could have been a lawyer!
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

Quote from Barry

Barry: He's not getting it, Adam. Let me explain. See, Sloth eats Baby Ruths, like, all the time.
Geoff: I get it.
Barry: Do you? 'Cause an entire line of candy dies out, and you just want them to sit there and take it! Keep sticking your head in the sand, sheep! If Sloth is left unchecked, there are no more Baby Ruths! How are you not getting this?
Geoff: I do get it.
Barry: Do you?

Quote from Pops

Erica: You know what? Who wants to sit in a lame dorm when it's parents' weekend? There's a faculty mixer and Frisbee golf in the quad.
Pops: There's even an improv show. Wouldn't mind sharing a few laughs with Yuk Yuk Goose. Oh, no, forget it.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Okay, guys, no more fluff pieces. I want hard-hitting stories, shocking exposes, and fiery op-eds. What do you got?
Dan: The price of tater tots in the cafeteria has skyrocketed. Where's all that extra dough going?
Jackie: Good. Follow the money. Next!
Dave Kim: I can tackle the recent scandal in Coach Mellor's health class.
Coach Mellor: Hey, nobody told me I had to do a whole unit on weenies!

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Oh, we're printing this, Coach. It's called freedom of the press.
Coach Mellor: I do love freedom. Damn it, you can proceed.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: Since when are you political, bro?
Adam: Since never, Dave Kim! That was an ad for my Mel Brooks Club. I've always been aggressively non-political, mostly 'cause it's boring and bums me out.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Bevy, put this in your food purse.

Quote from Adam

Mr. Glascott: No kids in the teachers' lounge. This is where we go to be regular people.
Adam: I I need a place to hide out. People are trying to engage me about politics.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, okay, no need to panic. I will just do my mama thing and threaten whoever's responsible.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Mom, this isn't high school. There's no way to fix this.
Beverly: Trust me, Mama can fix anything.
Erica: I don't even have books or a meal plan anymore. I cashed it all in to fund our band's demo.
Beverly: Mama can fix that.
Erica: But I don't even have a room next year.
Beverly: Mama can fix that.
Erica: I skipped the housing lotto for a gig in New York.
Beverly: [quietly] Mama can fix it.
Erica: I also skipped finals, which isn't ideal because I'm already on academic probation, which means I'm more failing out than dropping out.
Beverly: Mama can fix-
Erica: I also never wear flip-flops in the shower, so my feet are not good.
Beverly: Oh, for [bleep] sake, Erica!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Hey, guys? Sorry to interrupt your Tetris-ing, but I'm trying my hand at political satire, and I could really use a little feedback.
Barry: What you got?
Adam: Okay, so, my first one's all about how people protest injustice. So then I thought, "You know who's really got it bad? Pizza." And you know who's always eating pizza? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, the slices, like, rise up in protest.
Barry: Oh, this is good.
Adam: I knew it.
Barry: This is real good.

Quote from Barry

Geoff: Uh, what What is this for, exactly?
Adam: I'm having dinner with Jackie's parents and have to show them that I'm a smart guy who knows stuff about the world and politics and junk.
Geoff: Oh, boy. You're gonna need some others.
Adam: For sure! See, here we got lasagna protesting Garfield.
Barry: 'Cause he loves lasagna. Slam dunk, dude.
Geoff: Um, do you have any different concepts aside from a food protesting the thing that eats it?

Quote from Geoff

Adam: No, but I do have this. That's Baby Ruth picketing Sloth from The Goonies.
Barry: This is the one! You for sure show this to Jackie's parents.
Geoff: Please don't.
Barry: Kudos.
Geoff: No, my point is, you got to watch the news, read the paper, be able to discuss things that aren't The Goonies.

Quote from Beverly

Other Erica: Um, why is all our stuff back here?
Beverly: Erica's father's been activated, sweetie.
Erica: This is crazy. Dad's been gone for 45 minutes. How on Earth can one person do so much so fast?
Beverly: That's what happens when a father gets activated. Stop saying "activated" like it's a thing.
Other Erica: Clearly, it is. All our stuff's back here.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Murray sweet-talked the head of the housing office, then got a bunch of hacky-sacking kids to bring everything back for a plate of nachos.
Lainey: But Erica dropped all her classes.
Beverly: Then he went to the registrar, lobbed a few threats, greased a few palms, and boom! Your class schedule for the next year.
Erica: But I failed out. The dean literally asked me to leave.
Beverly: Then he saw the dean and begged and pleaded and even shed a few tears.
Erica: You cried?
Murray: I did what I had to do.

Quote from Adam

Mr. Geary: Tell her, Adam. Tell her what happens when a bill just languishes.
Adam: Uh, yes, what does happen next? Uh... [singing softly] I'm just a bill Yes, I'm only a bill-
Jackie: Adam?
Mr. Geary: Is that Schoolhouse Rock?
Adam: No.
Mr. Geary: 'Cause it sounds like Schoolhouse Rock.
Adam: Does it?
Mr. Geary: Yes, it sounds like you don't know about basic government, so you're singing Schoolhouse Rock to remind yourself.
Adam: No. It's, uh... no.

Quote from Adam

Jackie: Hey, you know what would be fun? Adam, why don't you show us some new cartoons that you made for the paper?
Adam: Maybe after dinner?
Mr. Geary: Listen, you wanna stir things up with your drawing? You should hit Star Wars.
Mrs. Geary: Vinny, stop. Last thing Adam needs is to hear you rant about Star Wars and overblown budgets.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] By pure fate, the conversation suddenly pivoted to the one topic that I could debate like a pro.
Adam: No, no, no. I promise you I can convince anyone to love Star Wars.
Mr. Geary: All right, I can see you're a man of passion, like myself. Convince me.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Unfortunately, Jackie's parents were arguing about this defense system from the '80s nicknamed Star Wars. I only knew about the other one.

Quote from Adam

Adam: [imitates laser fire] Look, it's Han and Chewie. [imitates laser fire] They came back to help the rebels. 'Cause what's more important than space money? Friendship. [as Yoda] Do or do not. There is no try.
[normal voice] Never underestimate tiny bears. Open the blast doors! Open the blast doors! [imitates blaster firing] While IG-88 didn't play a huge role in the movie, he did get his own action figure. See? It shows that everyone in the galaxy is important. [as C-3PO] Oh, no. They're dying, R2. [imitates ship flying by; normal voice:] And Luke's all, "Aah!" And then Vader chucks the Emperor down the reactor chute, and we realize there's still good in us. And that, my friends, is why Star Wars is the best.
Jackie: They're talking about a missile-defense system.
Mr. Geary: Good stuff.

Quote from Adam

Adam: This was a weekend well spent. Seriously, how am I not the most popular guy at school?
Beverly: That's what I keep asking kids when I go to pick you up.
Adam: Mystery solved.

Quote from Erica

Other Erica: Seriously, dropping out of college to start the world's greatest girl band was, like, the best idea we've ever had.
Erica: I know. It feels so good to finally be free of this prison where we have to learn stuff and party all weekend and wake up at noon.


 Episode 520 Episode 522 
  Select another episode