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‘Spaceballs’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Spaceballs

521. Spaceballs

Aired May 9, 2018

When Adam starts a Mel Brooks appreciation society at school, Jackie mistakes his poster for social commentary and invites him home to meet her politically-active parents. Elsewhere, Erica breaks the news to her parents that she is dropping out of college.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Erica's ditching college to form a band.
Murray: No.
Erica: Well, look at that. Dad's still alive and oddly calm, considering I'm dropping out.
Murray: The reason I'm so calm is because it's not happening, moron. I was a deadbeat loser before college. It turned my life around.
Beverly: And dropping out was the biggest regret of my life. I could have been a lawyer.
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

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Quote from Beverly

Murray: I'll fix it.
Erica: Fix it how? How is he moving so fast on a bad foot?
Beverly: Your father's been activated. It's a combo of aggravation, frustration, and rage so powerful it makes him the most determined man on the planet.
Pops: Look at him go!
Erica: How is he across the quad already? Is he climbing stairs? He's climbing stairs two at a time, and without a rail.
Beverly: Even stairs can't stop him when he's activated.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Oh, my God. Adam, this is fantastic. Look, you guys. This is exactly what this paper needs, a political cartoonist.
Adam: Uh, whuzzanuh?
Dave Kim: Oh, man. He's using Darth Vader as a commentary on Reagan's destruction of our environment.
Coach Mellor: We are not printing this smear piece, commie! Ronald Reagan's an American hero, and he created the Presidential Physical Fitness Test with his bare hands.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I'm gonna take a nap.
Erica: Please, just listen to our first song. I know you'll see that this is what I'm meant to do.
Murray: [snores]
Other Erica: Gross.
Erica: How are you already asleep?
Beverly: Your father's been deactivated, sweetie. He won't wake for another two to sixteen hours.
Other Erica: His feet are on your pillow.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Howdy, girls.
Murray: Yeah, hello, hello, hello. Let's just go to your room. I gotta sit down.
Pops: You just sat for the last three hours.
Murray: Driving isn't sitting! Take me to your dorm.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: You're gonna kill your father.
Erica: No, don't do your whole I'm-killing-Dad guilt routine.
Beverly: You're gonna kill your father dead right where he stands.
Erica: Mom, this is my dream in life.
Beverly: So it's your dream to kill your father dead with your bad decisions? That's your big dream?
Erica: Pops, I really need you here, man.
Pops: You just killed your father.
Erica: What are you doing? You gotta support me like you always do.
Pops: You want me to support you killing your father?

Quote from Murray

Murray: It's like you're trying to kill me dead right where I stand!
Pops: This is a disaster!
Beverly: I could have been a lawyer!
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

Quote from Barry

Barry: He's not getting it, Adam. Let me explain. See, Sloth eats Baby Ruths, like, all the time.
Geoff: I get it.
Barry: Do you? 'Cause an entire line of candy dies out, and you just want them to sit there and take it! Keep sticking your head in the sand, sheep! If Sloth is left unchecked, there are no more Baby Ruths! How are you not getting this?
Geoff: I do get it.
Barry: Do you?

Quote from Adam

Adam: This was a weekend well spent. Seriously, how am I not the most popular guy at school?
Beverly: That's what I keep asking kids when I go to pick you up.
Adam: Mystery solved.

Quote from Erica

Other Erica: Seriously, dropping out of college to start the world's greatest girl band was, like, the best idea we've ever had.
Erica: I know. It feels so good to finally be free of this prison where we have to learn stuff and party all weekend and wake up at noon.

Quote from Pops

Erica: You know what? Who wants to sit in a lame dorm when it's parents' weekend? There's a faculty mixer and Frisbee golf in the quad.
Pops: There's even an improv show. Wouldn't mind sharing a few laughs with Yuk Yuk Goose. Oh, no, forget it.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Okay, guys, no more fluff pieces. I want hard-hitting stories, shocking exposes, and fiery op-eds. What do you got?
Dan: The price of tater tots in the cafeteria has skyrocketed. Where's all that extra dough going?
Jackie: Good. Follow the money. Next!
Dave Kim: I can tackle the recent scandal in Coach Mellor's health class.
Coach Mellor: Hey, nobody told me I had to do a whole unit on weenies!

Quote from Coach Mellor

Jackie: Oh, we're printing this, Coach. It's called freedom of the press.
Coach Mellor: I do love freedom. Damn it, you can proceed.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: Since when are you political, bro?
Adam: Since never, Dave Kim! That was an ad for my Mel Brooks Club. I've always been aggressively non-political, mostly 'cause it's boring and bums me out.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Bevy, put this in your food purse.

Quote from Adam

Mr. Glascott: No kids in the teachers' lounge. This is where we go to be regular people.
Adam: I I need a place to hide out. People are trying to engage me about politics.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, okay, no need to panic. I will just do my mama thing and threaten whoever's responsible.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Mom, this isn't high school. There's no way to fix this.
Beverly: Trust me, Mama can fix anything.
Erica: I don't even have books or a meal plan anymore. I cashed it all in to fund our band's demo.
Beverly: Mama can fix that.
Erica: But I don't even have a room next year.
Beverly: Mama can fix that.
Erica: I skipped the housing lotto for a gig in New York.
Beverly: [quietly] Mama can fix it.
Erica: I also skipped finals, which isn't ideal because I'm already on academic probation, which means I'm more failing out than dropping out.
Beverly: Mama can fix-
Erica: I also never wear flip-flops in the shower, so my feet are not good.
Beverly: Oh, for [bleep] sake, Erica!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Hey, guys? Sorry to interrupt your Tetris-ing, but I'm trying my hand at political satire, and I could really use a little feedback.
Barry: What you got?
Adam: Okay, so, my first one's all about how people protest injustice. So then I thought, "You know who's really got it bad? Pizza." And you know who's always eating pizza? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So, the slices, like, rise up in protest.
Barry: Oh, this is good.
Adam: I knew it.
Barry: This is real good.

Quote from Barry

Geoff: Uh, what What is this for, exactly?
Adam: I'm having dinner with Jackie's parents and have to show them that I'm a smart guy who knows stuff about the world and politics and junk.
Geoff: Oh, boy. You're gonna need some others.
Adam: For sure! See, here we got lasagna protesting Garfield.
Barry: 'Cause he loves lasagna. Slam dunk, dude.
Geoff: Um, do you have any different concepts aside from a food protesting the thing that eats it?

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