Beverly: Erica's ditching college to form a band.
Murray: No.
Erica: Well, look at that. Dad's still alive and oddly calm, considering I'm dropping out.
Murray: The reason I'm so calm is because it's not happening, moron. I was a deadbeat loser before college. It turned my life around.
Beverly: And dropping out was the biggest regret of my life. I could have been a lawyer.
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

Murray: I'll fix it.
Erica: Fix it how? How is he moving so fast on a bad foot?
Beverly: Your father's been activated. It's a combo of aggravation, frustration, and rage so powerful it makes him the most determined man on the planet.
Pops: Look at him go!
Erica: How is he across the quad already? Is he climbing stairs? He's climbing stairs two at a time, and without a rail.
Beverly: Even stairs can't stop him when he's activated.

Jackie: Oh, my God. Adam, this is fantastic. Look, you guys. This is exactly what this paper needs, a political cartoonist.
Adam: Uh, whuzzanuh?
Dave Kim: Oh, man. He's using Darth Vader as a commentary on Reagan's destruction of our environment.
Coach Mellor: We are not printing this smear piece, commie! Ronald Reagan's an American hero, and he created the Presidential Physical Fitness Test with his bare hands.

Murray: I'm gonna take a nap.
Erica: Please, just listen to our first song. I know you'll see that this is what I'm meant to do.
Murray: [snores]
Other Erica: Gross.
Erica: How are you already asleep?
Beverly: Your father's been deactivated, sweetie. He won't wake for another two to sixteen hours.
Other Erica: His feet are on your pillow.

Beverly: Howdy, girls.
Murray: Yeah, hello, hello, hello. Let's just go to your room. I gotta sit down.
Pops: You just sat for the last three hours.
Murray: Driving isn't sitting! Take me to your dorm.

Beverly: You're gonna kill your father.
Erica: No, don't do your whole I'm-killing-Dad guilt routine.
Beverly: You're gonna kill your father dead right where he stands.
Erica: Mom, this is my dream in life.
Beverly: So it's your dream to kill your father dead with your bad decisions? That's your big dream?
Erica: Pops, I really need you here, man.
Pops: You just killed your father.
Erica: What are you doing? You gotta support me like you always do.
Pops: You want me to support you killing your father?

Murray: It's like you're trying to kill me dead right where I stand!
Pops: This is a disaster!
Beverly: I could have been a lawyer!
Murray: She could have been a lawyer!

Barry: He's not getting it, Adam. Let me explain. See, Sloth eats Baby Ruths, like, all the time.
Geoff: I get it.
Barry: Do you? 'Cause an entire line of candy dies out, and you just want them to sit there and take it! Keep sticking your head in the sand, sheep! If Sloth is left unchecked, there are no more Baby Ruths! How are you not getting this?
Geoff: I do get it.
Barry: Do you?

Adam: This was a weekend well spent. Seriously, how am I not the most popular guy at school?
Beverly: That's what I keep asking kids when I go to pick you up.
Adam: Mystery solved.

Other Erica: Seriously, dropping out of college to start the world's greatest girl band was, like, the best idea we've ever had.
Erica: I know. It feels so good to finally be free of this prison where we have to learn stuff and party all weekend and wake up at noon.