Lainey: Oh, wow. That's for a baby, which is weird 'cause we were very clear that's a long, long way off.
Beverly: But we blink, and then baby's here, and then there I am, right next to you on my mom cot.
Lainey: Mom cot?
Murray: Oh, no, not the mom cot.
Barry: What does he know? What's a mom cot?
Beverly: It is a cot that sits smack against your bed so when you get tired, you just hand the baby directly to me.
Lainey: Wait. You actually expect to sleep in the same room with us?
Beverly: Trust me, you'll be thrilled to have a bed bubby when it comes time for burping, bathing, and poopy diapies.
Barry: No way, Mother. You are never to set foot in our hypothetical home!
Beverly: I have a copy of the key, right, Murray?
Murray: She made a secret copy.

Erica: No, no, that can't be the narrative.
It is very important that this is clearly designated as Adam's party. Hey, everyone, let's give it up for the one person who we all know is definitely throwing this party.
Carla: We love you, Alden Goldfinch!
All: [cheer] Alden! Alden!
Erica: See? They're almost chanting your name. Enjoy your party.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: You're the man, Alden.

Lainey: Okay, your mom is really freaking me out with her cute onesies and "Baby On Board" signs and celebratory casino buffets. I'm sorry, but this can't be my life!
Barry: What are you saying?
Lainey: I'm saying I love you, but having Beverly Goldberg as a smother-in-law will be an utter nightmare.
Barry: No! Don't trust your instincts!

Beverly: Where's she going? I can't finish this taffy all by myself.
Barry: Forget the taffy! You literally just drove away the love of my life.
Beverly: Don't worry. Mama will talk to her, and I'll fix everything.
Barry: There is no fixing this. And it's not just Lainey. Any girl I date will realize you're part of the package and run for the hills.
Beverly: So, you're saying that I will shake the foundation of all my kids' relationships just 'cause I wanna be a little bit involved? Is that what you're saying?
Barry: Yes. Mark my words: I will never have babies, which means you'll never be a bubby.
Beverly: Don't you dare un-bubby me.
Barry: Oh, you've been un-bubbied. But good.

Erica: What the hell, man? Seriously, what am I looking at right now?
Adam: The adventurous board game Fireball Island.
Erica: No, I mean you made a designated nerd area in the middle of your awesome party.
Adam: Yes, and it's your party.
Erica: Not according to this sign. Here, tape it to your chest.
Adam: No, thank you. I'd rather just hang with my actual friends who know my actual name.
Erica: You can't just beg me to throw you an awesome rager and then give it back.
Adam: [scoffs] Okay, I didn't beg you. You did it 'cause it's my gift.

Pops: This is not a regular cake, you know. This thing melts.

Adam: How could you do this? The one thing I wanted was to be awesome like you were in high school. Now all I'll be is some dude named Alden who's grounded for the year.
Erica: I messed up, okay? I'll make it all better. I promise, you can still be awesome just like me.
Adam: No. The last thing I'd ever want is to be some selfish, drop-out loser like you.
Erica: You don't mean that.
Adam: I really do.

Murray: Wait a second. Lainey's gone?
Barry: Mom ran her off with her terrible ways.
Murray: I'll help you find her.
Bill Lewis: Help him? We're on the one-yard line, Mur.
Murray: I'm sorry, but if Barry's gonna break up with Lainey, it's gonna be because he's a moron, not because his mom is an overbearing nudge.
Barry: You really believe I can screw this up on my own?
Murray: I know you can. Now let's go find Lainey and make this temporarily right.

Bill Lewis: No, Mur, no! We're so close!
Dealer: Double zeroes! We got a big winner.
Bill Lewis: Not now! I'm in a crisis here!

Johnny Atkins: Please, open up! This ponytail is the source of all my power!
Carla: Close your eyes. I got this. [cuts Johnny's ponytail]
Johnny Atkins: I love you.
Carla: Ew. You're not hot anymore.
Erica: Adam, I'm coming in. [opens door with credit card]
Johnny Atkins: Oh, come on! Who am I now?! I'm hideous!