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38Quotes from ‘Let's Val Kilmer This Car’

The Goldbergs: Let's Val Kilmer This Car

522. Let's Val Kilmer This Car

Aired May 16, 2018

Murray refuses to put up Erica when she returns home after dropping out of college. Meanwhile, Barry invites Lainey to his high school prom.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: In honor of my schmoopie-poop's arrival home and back into my loving arms, I present the most tender brisket ever brisketed.
Erica: How can you brisket at a time like this? Dad's about to come home and lose his mind when he hears I dropped out.
Beverly: That's the point. I know exactly how to butter up your father. You do it with meat. And actual butter.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Homegirl's gonna find out what it means to work for a living. So, you better get ready to sew some buttons and hot-tar some roofs and tend to them chickens!
Erica: What era do you have me working in?

Quote from Murray

Murray: I'm home! I hit a lot of personal and professional lows today, so give me a wide berth.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go take a nap in the bath.
Beverly: Or instead of napping, you could open a newspaper and see if there's anything there for you.
Erica: Why would I want help? I got you, silly Mom.
Beverly: No, I'm putting my foot down! I love you so much, but I will throw your [bleep] right out onto our suburban street.
Erica: Um, isn't that Dad's thing?
Beverly: I've got a foot, too, Missy!

Quote from Barry

Principal Ball: Mr. Goldberg, look out the window and tell me what you see.
Barry: A fly-ass T-top Pontiac Fiero?
Principal Ball: And do you have any idea who that car belongs to?
Barry: That awesome dude Randy who always wears the flip-up sunglasses?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: That cool sub who's always teaching with rap lyrics?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Charles Barkley?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Power couple Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: The lead singer of UB40?
Principal Ball: No.
BAdam: The cast of "Benson"?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Bo Jackson's cousin Todd, Todd Jackson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Jermaine Jackson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Bo knows Todd.
Principal Ball: No, me! Me, me! It's my car!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I took away her vitamins. Her Flintstones Chewables. Now she's a teeny-tiny bit less nourished because of me.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Trusted posse of Jenkintown.
All: TPOJ!
Barry: I think we can all agree our senior year's been a complete and utter bust.
Andy: I actually had a real nice year. I aced AP Bio, and I really got to know my pen pal, Yoshi Takanabu.
Naked Rob: And I reconnected with my grandma, Naked Nana.
Geoff: And even though Erica's at college, our love has never been more rock-solid.
Matt: And I'm just happy to be included.
Barry: Ugh.

Quote from Adam

Adam: It just so happens I have the single best resource for school prankery the world has ever seen.
"Real Genius". A filmic ode to shenanigans where brilliant dreamboat Val Kilmer pulls a series of the most epic pranks ever seen.
Barry: He is a dreamboat, which is why I'm listening.
Adam: Here's a good one. You take apart a car and put it back together in a tiny room.
Barry: Unimpressive. Next.
Adam: You ice the hallways so the whole school becomes a giant skating rink.
Barry: Too easy. Next.
Adam: Then go for the ultimate prank and fire a NASA laser beam at a 50-ton Jiffy Pop, causing a popcorn avalanche.
Barry: No!

Quote from Murray

Erica: Don't think of it as dropping out. Think of it as me transferring to your house.
Murray: This school rejects your application. You go now.
Beverly: He doesn't mean it, love bug. It's the Manischevitz talking.
Murray: Damn right I mean it! What makes her think she can move back in here, eat our food, sit on our furniture like she's one of our children.
Beverly: She is one of our children, Murray.
Murray: Fine, the dummy can stay as long as she pays for food and rent like a normal person. I'm putting my foot down on this.
Erica: Come on. This is my home. You can't make me pay for goods and services.
Murray: Plus rent. The foot has spoken.

Quote from Erica

Other Erica: So, like, when exactly do you tell your dad I'm living here, too?
Erica: Yeah, he didn't take my news so well, so I was thinking that we never tell him and I sneak you snacks like a pet turtle.
Other Erica: This is a nightmare, but I have no options, so I am a turtle.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hey! What are you guys doing in my fart chamber?
Erica: This is my room, and we left college to start our band. Also, what?
Barry: Wait. Does this mean Lainey's back and she threw away her future, too?
Erica: My God, is Lainey all you care about?
Barry: Yes! Other than losing my fart chamber, things are finally going my way!
Other Erica: We should air this place out.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Good to see you, too, Mr. Lewis. I hear Lainey dropped out of college.
Lainey: Horrible timing, Barry!
Bill Lewis: First you drop out and break my heart, and now you bring this back into my life?
Barry: Dark cloud, silver lining I hear ya. Anyhoo, I'm here to ask your daughter to prom 'cause she just dropped out of college and all.
Lainey: Please stop reminding him that I dropped out of college!

Quote from Erica

Erica: Pet-store janitor, gas-station attendant, fish scaler?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, back before you could post a resume on LinkedIn, the only way to find a job was in this crazy thing called a newspaper.
Erica: This one says "Wanted: Lady".
Pops: You don't wanna call that number.
Erica: I know.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: This whole situation is poop. There is no world where I am gonna sit by and watch my baby become a fish monger or take a job as a lady.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Bevy, she's been at it for two days. Erica will find her way.
Beverly: Or even better, I find her way for her.
Pops: Don't do that. Murray put his foot down.
Beverly: Which was great, and now it's my job to ever so gently lift it up.
Pops: Nothing about Murray can be lifted gently.

Quote from Barry

Barry: No. I'm not gonna be the third wheel on your stag date. Either I go with Lainey, or I don't go at all.
Matt: So, you're not going?
Barry: If don't go, I'll forever ruin my rep as one of Jenkintown's top five party people.
Matt: So, you are going?
Barry: Without Lainey, never!
Matt: So, you're not going?
Barry: And be forever known as a prom-less loser?
Matt: So, you're both going and not going?
Barry: Gah! Stop asking dumb questions and provide a solution for once! [crickets chirping]

Quote from Barry

Adam: Hey, my thing!
Barry: Forget your thing. This is important. You know that movie I introduced you to when you told me about it?
Adam: You mean "Real Genius"? The movie on my shirt and poster?

Quote from Erica

Erica: Thank you so much for believing in me. And thank you for this cookie because I just got paid.
Other Erica: We got paid. Deal with it.
Murray: Who the hell is this?
Other Erica: I'm in her band and also live here now, so start a tab for me, too.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Oh, Murray, my baby and her strange-sounding friend really did it. They went out and got a job.
Murray: You did this. Why did you go behind my back? I put my foot down!
Beverly: Erica doesn't need your foot, Murray. She needs loving mama arms to hold her in her time of need.
Murray: You can't ignore the foot. If the foot has no power, the whole system breaks down.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I want the boots.
Erica: But I earned these boots with my potential!
Beverly: You can go barefoot until you learn how to make an honest paycheck. So I'm gonna take all your shoes, all your clothes, your pillows, and your vitamins!
Murray: Okay, she's new at this, so it's not making sense, but you- you get it.
Beverly: I am so angry, and I can't stop yelling! [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]

Quote from Barry

Barry: It was me.
Principal Ball: I'm sorry?
Barry: No, I am. In a childish effort to avoid prom, I Val Kilmered your car.
Principal Ball: I see. Well. Quite a surprise and disappointment. We're good here.
Barry: What? Don't you have to call the police?
Principal Ball: Do I?
Barry: Do I? 'Cause that'd be a hard phone call to make.

Quote from Erica

Erica: That's why tomorrow I'm gonna find a real job and pay you rent. And I never said this, but thank you for getting us our first paid gig.
Beverly: Oh, don't thank me. Not after I tried to take your boots and bedding.
Erica: No, I deserved it. It's just all your support and hugs and love made me feel so safe. Too safe.I just wanted to hide out here with people who love me. But I can't do that anymore.
Beverly: No matter what happens, this house will always be a safe place for you.
Erica: You mean it?
Beverly: I do. I'm putting my foot down.

Quote from Barry

Barry: How did you know I was here?
Lainey: C'mon. This is where you spent all your dances before we got together.
Barry: Wish I could be there for your first gig.
Lainey: I know. And I wish I could be your prom date.
Barry: But you said that-
Lainey: I know what I said. One dance. Better make it fast. Erica needs me.
Barry: Did you ever think we'd come back here again?
Lainey: I really didn't. But I'm really happy we did.
Barry: Happy enough to marry me?
Lainey: For sure.
Barry: Is that a yes? You never say yes.
Lainey: I'm saying it this time. Yes. I'll marry you, you big dummy.
Barry: I'm a high-school senior who's gonna marry a college dropout! This year turned out awesome!


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