Geoff: Oh, God! What is this heat I feel rising in my throat?
Barry: That's called jealousy, my friend. Embrace it.
Geoff: My chest hurts, and so do my eyes.
Barry: Then it's time you learn. There's only one way to keep Erica, harness the thing women crave most. Irrational behavior.
Geoff: Dude, I'm spinning out, even though this all sounds so wrong!
Barry: Is it? How do you think I got a smoke-show like Lainey?
Geoff: No one knows.
Barry: It's 'cause I was loud, passionate, crazy possessive, and easily threatened.
Geoff: But you're not with Lainey anymore.
Barry: 'Cause the one time I was a supportive nice guy, like you, she ditched me for L.A.
Geoff: Dude, I never thought of it like that. You got to help me not wind up like you by acting exactly like you.
Barry: Let's go warm up by screaming at clouds that look like Evan.

Beverly: Well, I guess it's time to move on. Murray! It's you and me Friday night! We're getting Moroccan!
Murray: What? What have you done?
Adam: Have fun. You're gonna love sitting on the floor.
Murray: For the whole meal?! I can't even prop myself up against the wall?
Adam: Just you on the floor, sitting on a colorful, scratchy pillow.
Murray: I can't do this! My body will give out!
Adam: Hey, it's outta my hands.
Murray: But it's Valentine's Day! She's gonna want to talk about love and feelings. That's not my thing!
Adam: Bring me back a handful of that wet potato stuff, big guy. Beep, beep!

Beverly: There's my little love monkey.
Adam: Mom, we've discussed this. I'm insanely too old for tuckies.
Beverly: Oh, I'm not here for tuckies. I'm here to see the man who felt so bad about bailing on our Moroccan feast that he poured his heart out into a Valentine poem.
Adam: Valen-what-now?
Murray: The boy felt so guilty, he wrote you a poem? This, I got to hear.
Adam: Uh, hear what?
Beverly: "Her heart, more precious than all of Earth's jewels. Her love, deeper than the ocean's darkest canyons. Her embrace, a home I will live in forever. And I call this safe place Mama."
Adam: Whoa. Wow.
Beverly: I have to take you to a Valentine's dinner now, if it's okay with your father.
Murray: Oh-ho-ho, this is the kind of love I don't want to get in the way of.
Beverly: I love my Murray. Gnah!
Adam: Damn you and your shockingly beautiful prose!
Murray: When I get cornered, I come out fighting.

Barry: JTP, I've gathered you all here today to ensure young Geoffrey doesn't get ditched for a super-hot guitarist. They shared a microphone!
Naked Rob: Oh, that's bad.
Andy: So intimate!
Matt: It's like Frenching under a waterfall!

Barry: Luckily, I'm here to shepherd Geoff into the world of anger and unreasonable passion. First, we role-play. Andy, you'll be Erica.
Andy: Okay.
Naked Rob: Um, actually, I'd like to play Erica. I'm more than just a guy who likes to be naked. I have range, you know?

Matt: I'd like to also throw my hat in the ring for the role of Erica. I mean, feel how soft my hands are.
Barry: Fine! You can all be Erica.

Beverly: Murray, you keep on surprising me. You got matchbooks from all our favorite restaurants and framed them in a piece of loving art?
Murray: Framed what, now?
Adam: Wow, Dad! I never knew you were capable of such an ambitious romantic gesture. In fact, it'd be wrong for me to steal your special dinner.
Beverly: He's right, Mur. We're back on!

Beverly: Schmoopie, mother-son dance lessons?
Adam: Wait, what? Oh, wow.
Murray: Little Fred Astaire even rented a tuxedo for the occasion.

Beverly: Moonlight trail rides? Murray, you didn't.
Murray: Seems like I did.
Adam: Got your cowboy boots from that trip to the dude ranch that you hated.
Beverly: This is the best day of my [bleep] life!

Murray: You think this is over? I got two words for you, whale watching.
Adam: I see your whale watching and raise you a hot-air balloon ride.
Murray: Tandem bike ride in Martha's Vineyard.
Adam: Apple picking and making a pie.
Murray: Antiquing in New England.
Adam: Couples massage!
Murray: Shakespeare in the park!
Adam: Swimming with dolphins!
Murray: Rowboating at dusk!
Adam: Pasta-making class!
Murray: Italian opera!
Beverly: Y'know, you two fighting over me has been so much fun, I've lost track of who I'm going to dinner with.
Adam: Still deciding.
Murray: We'll letcha know.