Murray: Damn it, Al! You filmed it backwards!
Pops: I pushed the button like Adam does.
Murray: It was off when it was supposed to be on!
Pops: Why would a red light mean "On"? Red is the international signal for "Stop"!
Murray: That's with cars, not with cameras!
Pops: Oh, now you're a camera expert!

Pops: This is a fun, little ditty. It's 17 minutes long, and it tells the story of a boy who lost his rag. [strumming] Ohh!

Coach Nick: Hey! Don Juan! We're in the middle of class!
Woman: Cupid-Gram for Adam Goldberg.
Adam: Jackie, this is too much.
Jackie: Those aren't from me.
Adam: What? But then who-
Coach Nick: "To my little schmoopaloo"
Adam: Oh, balls! Stop!
Coach Nick: "I know you're all grown up, but you'll never be too old to be mama's number-one mushy-tushed Valentine baby."
Adam: But the next sentence says, "Just kidding, I'm your mom, and I have clear boundaries."

Geoff: Whoo! So awesome.
Erica: Geoff, please. We all know there's no band without Lainey.
Other Erica: Yeah. She was the one who taught me you can read music. And I was like, "No, Lainey, you hear music." And she was like, "No, you can read it, too." And I was like, "Whoa."

Joey Wawa: All right, so, how does this work?
Erica: Wait, aren't you the guy that stands outside the Wawa and buys beer for high school kids?
Joey Wawa: Five for you, one for me.
Erica: No, I remember the rule.
Joey Wawa: I can play lead or rhythm, as long as there's a couch for me to crash on.
Erica: No offense, but you should probably leave.

Beverly: Damn it, Murray! I almost broke my neck on your pants!
Murray: What?! Everybody knows my pants go by the front door.

Beverly: What have we here?
Murray: Oh, stop. Don't look at that. It's not even Valentine's Day yet.
Beverly: I bet I know what it is... A fancy assortment of Jagielky's Candies!
Murray: You loved them for the last 18 years, so I thought I'd buy 'em again!
Beverly: "Dear Bevy, you're as sweet as candy." Murray!
Murray: I wrote it last year, so I knew you'd love it again!

Beverly: [to Murray] See, this is what I love about Valentine's Day. I get candies and notes and dinner with my special guy. [to Adam] I made us reservations, pickle.
Adam: Wait, me?! I can't be your Valentine pickle this year.
Beverly: But I made us a reservation at the new Moroccan place. It's fun 'cause you get to eat with your hands. But it's also disgusting, so I will be sneaking some silverware in my purse. Fun!

Adam: No! I'm taking Jackie to the drive-in.They're playing the movie "Twins."
Murray: You are not bailing on your mom to go see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a comedy. The Terminator can't be twins with little Louie from "Taxi." It makes no sense.
Adam: But they did it! He's the big, muscle-y twin, and Danny DeVito is the little, squishy one. It's funny, 'cause that's not how twins work!

Geoff: Come on, man. Erica doesn't like guys like Evan. She's more into the supportive fella who claps from the sidelines.
Barry: They're sharing a single microphone, dude!
Geoff: So?
Barry: Sharing a mic is the musical equivalent of Frenching under a waterfall.