Beverly: In honor of my schmoopie-poop's arrival home and back into my loving arms, I present the most tender brisket ever brisketed.
Erica: How can you brisket at a time like this? Dad's about to come home and lose his mind when he hears I dropped out.
Beverly: That's the point. I know exactly how to butter up your father. You do it with meat. And actual butter.

Beverly: Homegirl's gonna find out what it means to work for a living. So, you better get ready to sew some buttons and hot-tar some roofs and tend to them chickens!
Erica: What era do you have me working in?

Murray: I'm home! I hit a lot of personal and professional lows today, so give me a wide berth.

Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go take a nap in the bath.
Beverly: Or instead of napping, you could open a newspaper and see if there's anything there for you.
Erica: Why would I want help? I got you, silly Mom.
Beverly: No, I'm putting my foot down! I love you so much, but I will throw your [bleep] right out onto our suburban street.
Erica: Um, isn't that Dad's thing?
Beverly: I've got a foot, too, Missy!

Principal Ball: Mr. Goldberg, look out the window and tell me what you see.
Barry: A fly-ass T-top Pontiac Fiero?
Principal Ball: And do you have any idea who that car belongs to?
Barry: That awesome dude Randy who always wears the flip-up sunglasses?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: That cool sub who's always teaching with rap lyrics?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Charles Barkley?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Power couple Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: The lead singer of UB40?
Principal Ball: No.
BAdam: The cast of "Benson"?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Bo Jackson's cousin Todd, Todd Jackson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Jermaine Jackson?
Principal Ball: No.
Barry: Bo knows Todd.
Principal Ball: No, me! Me, me! It's my car!

Beverly: I took away her vitamins. Her Flintstones Chewables. Now she's a teeny-tiny bit less nourished because of me.

Barry: Trusted posse of Jenkintown.
All: TPOJ!
Barry: I think we can all agree our senior year's been a complete and utter bust.
Andy: I actually had a real nice year. I aced AP Bio, and I really got to know my pen pal, Yoshi Takanabu.
Naked Rob: And I reconnected with my grandma, Naked Nana.
Geoff: And even though Erica's at college, our love has never been more rock-solid.
Matt: And I'm just happy to be included.
Barry: Ugh.

Adam: It just so happens I have the single best resource for school prankery the world has ever seen.
"Real Genius". A filmic ode to shenanigans where brilliant dreamboat Val Kilmer pulls a series of the most epic pranks ever seen.
Barry: He is a dreamboat, which is why I'm listening.
Adam: Here's a good one. You take apart a car and put it back together in a tiny room.
Barry: Unimpressive. Next.
Adam: You ice the hallways so the whole school becomes a giant skating rink.
Barry: Too easy. Next.
Adam: Then go for the ultimate prank and fire a NASA laser beam at a 50-ton Jiffy Pop, causing a popcorn avalanche.
Barry: No!

Erica: Don't think of it as dropping out. Think of it as me transferring to your house.
Murray: This school rejects your application. You go now.
Beverly: He doesn't mean it, love bug. It's the Manischevitz talking.
Murray: Damn right I mean it! What makes her think she can move back in here, eat our food, sit on our furniture like she's one of our children.
Beverly: She is one of our children, Murray.
Murray: Fine, the dummy can stay as long as she pays for food and rent like a normal person. I'm putting my foot down on this.
Erica: Come on. This is my home. You can't make me pay for goods and services.
Murray: Plus rent. The foot has spoken.

Other Erica: So, like, when exactly do you tell your dad I'm living here, too?
Erica: Yeah, he didn't take my news so well, so I was thinking that we never tell him and I sneak you snacks like a pet turtle.
Other Erica: This is a nightmare, but I have no options, so I am a turtle.