Naked Rob: Well, we've really been beefing up our extra curriculars.
Geoff: Naked Rob is an Eagle Scout.
Naked Rob: It's the highest level of Boy Scout and the lowest level of cop.
Geoff: Andy's a youth basketball coach.
Andy: Which is cool 'cause I'm taller than all of 'em.
Geoff: And Matt Bradley's in the Big Brother program.
Matt: Jeremiah really stole my heart. And I think also my car keys.
Geoff: And I'm the treasurer for the Model UN. It's really stressful, so all my armpit hair fell out, but it'll all be worth it if it impresses Dartmouth.

Barry: Apparently, I got so swept up in not getting married to Lainey, I forgot about the whole "getting into college" thing!
Murray: Did you say "college"? I heard "college." Don't screw this up, moron.
Pops: Where did he come from?
Barry: Dad, you gotta back off. I don't even know where I want to go to school!
Murray: That's where I can help. Okay, I need you to focus up here, 'cause picking a school is not something you just rush into.
Barry: Done. I'm going to Tufts.
Murray: Moron! You don't just open up a book and pick out some random school and say, "That's the one."
Barry: But it just makes sense.
Murray: Why?
Barry: 'Cause its name is Tufts, and I'm basically the toughest man in the world.
Murray: Tufts, fine, done.
Barry: Really?
Murray: Hey, even if you got there the dumbest way possible, Tufts is still a great school, so I'm good.
Barry: So did we just decide where I'm applying to college?
Murray: My son's going to Tufts! Hoo-hoo!

Erica: What's going on?
Beverly: We're making the very gut-wrenching decision about whether or not Adam should have surgery to remove the glass in his brain from a car accident.
Erica: Oh, my God! What do we do?
Beverly: Oh, I'm sorry. Let me clarify. Adam's fine. We need another stop sign at the end of the block.
Erica: What? Are you kidding me? I almost gave Adam a hug.

Beverly: I know, baby. We're all scared, but Mama will fix this. I'm gonna take this case to City Hall. I don't know if you know this, but I could have been a lawyer.
Erica: I think you've said it once or twice before.
Beverly: ["I coulda been a lawyer" montage] I guess that rings a bell.
Erica: It should, 'cause that bell rings constantly.
Beverly: Well, as the lawyer I could've been, I'm going to collect evidence to support my case.

Murray: Okay, let's go over what you need to get into Tufts.
Barry: Besides just being super tough?
Murray: Uh-huh. All right, first, your grades. Oh, okay, you squeaked out a B-minus in English. Wow! Straight A's in math and science.
Barry: All that math stuff just clicks, but English not good much.

Murray: Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to help you with your essay.
Barry: Or we freestyle my essay. Check it out. [rapping] Yo, Tufts I got the right stuffs Yo, Tufts I got the right stuffs Yo, Tufts I got the right stuffs-
Murray: You're just repeating the same thing over and over.
Barry: I got stuck in a rap loop. I'm sorry!

Murray: Damn it! All you had to do was play an instrument or volunteer somewhere, and you did nothing!
Barry: I know! I'm not Tufts enough.
Murray: Relax, moron. We'll just give your resume a little padding.
Barry: You mean lie?
Murray: Think of it like your mother's shoulder pads. She wears them even though she still has shoulders, right?
Barry: I bet she does.

Adam: You may be seated.
Adam: [on tape] The year is 2033, crime is at an all time high and volcanoes are everywhere!
Beverly: What is this? We agreed you were only gonna film the stop signs.
Adam: Trust me. You need to hook in the audience with a story.
Pops: [on tape] The President's plane has crash-landed in Jenkintown. That's the forbidden sector. Only you can help us! Is that right, what I'm saying?
Adam: [on tape] Even though I only have one eye, I'll do it. I'll save the President. It's go time. Nothing will stop me! [tires screech, metal crunches]
Pops: [on tape] The President blew up before Snake could get to him. The mission has failed. I'm re- I'm really not following the story.
Adam: [on tape] We need a stop sign.

Mr. Schnitz: Okay. Well, I did not understand any of that, but I really would like you not to be here, so I'm gonna give you that stop sign.
Beverly: So I won the case?
Mr. Schnitz: You took comptrol of the courtroom. Which is my office, so, yeah, sure.
Beverly: Great! So just, uh, bang the gavel and make it official.
Mr. Schnitz: Well, I don't have a ga- You know what? Let me just do this Fanta can.

Beverly: Oh, thank you, Boopie, and you know what? I've made a decision. I am going to realize my potential as a potential lawyer.
Erica: Oh, my God, are you serious?
Beverly: You're damn right I am! Beverly Goldberg's gonna be a [bleep] lawyer!