Murray: I got to admit it, Cobby, you're the best pretend intern I've had yet.
Geoff: I didn't realize how cool it was to run a business.
Murray: What do you mean? Your dad runs a whole eye doctoring business.
Geoff: Yeah, but in our business, if we mess up, people will never see their children again. The worst I can do around here is stain a loveseat.

Murray: Look, I don't want to get involved between you and your old man, mostly 'cause I don't care, but if eyes freak you out, I wouldn't do eyes.
Geoff: What would I do with my life if not eye doctoring?
Murray: I'm not involved, but do what makes you happy instead of being such a pushover all the time.
Geoff: I know you're not involved, but, oh, man, I'm suddenly rethinking my entire future!
Murray: Well, why don't you think about it while you bring that heavy-ass end table to the back room?

Lou Schwartz: You spent the day learning another man's trade? Murray, how could you betray me like this?
Murray: No betrayal. I'm not involved.
Lou Schwartz: Son, the only business you need to know is the one I'm handing to you.
Geoff: But Mr. G got me thinking that maybe I don't want it, right?
Murray: Not involved.
Lou Schwartz: Don't want it? What's he talking about, Murray?
Geoff: Look, all I know is this wonderful mentor of mine-
Murray: Notvolvd!
Geoff: told me to stick up for myself. So, I'll just say it.
Murray: Not involved!
Geoff: I hereby reject all professional doctoring and modern medicine.
Lou Schwartz: So what are you gonna do with your life? This? Furniture sales?
Murray: Notvolvd!
Geoff: I'd rather do anything than eyes! Maybe I'll do computers or fitness or maybe I'll just start my own food delivery service!
Lou Schwartz: He wants to do food delivery instead of helping people see, Murray?
Murray: Notvolvd! Come on!

Virginia Kremp: I don't understand. How?
Beverly: I can't tell you that.
Mrs. Kim: So you get to participate in Adam's school life as he frolics about with friends while the rest of us stay home and suck it?
Beverly: I'm sorry, Dave Kim's mom. I just can't risk something this huge getting out.
Vinny: I give you my word as a parent and as an esteemed kindergarten teacher. I will say nothing.
Virginia Kremp: Same here!
Mrs. Kim: Ditto.
Mrs. Mirsky: Agreed.
Beverly: Meet me in my basement at 1600 hours. Take separate cars, don't let anyone follow you, and do not park on our street. You're about to learn Beverly Goldberg's biggest secret.

Coach Mellor: Hey! Why you guys looking all shady right now?
Mrs. Mirsky: Nothing!
Vinny: No big secrets here.
Mrs. Kim: We're normal.
Virginia Kremp: All good.
Coach Mellor: Carry on.

Beverly: Finally, we have the closer, where you remind your children that they, and they alone, are responsible for your early demise.
Mrs. Mirsky: Wow.
Beverly: I know, Serry Mirsky. You finally have the tool to shame Emmy into being perfect like class valedictorian Aliza Goren.

Geoff: Well, I'm done being the doormat. I hereby change the structure of the JTP as we know it.
Barry: You can't change that! It's the structure of friendship!
Geoff: Oh, it's changed but good. And as the new leader of the JTP, I demand a piece of your Gator Gum.
Barry: There's only one man here who needs Gatorade magically injected into their gum and it's me.
Matt: Oh, dang. Geoff just swiped some of Barry's Gator Gum.
Andy: Oh, the Gator Gum is totally replacing the vital salts and minerals in Geoff's legs.
Barry: No! Stop hydrating with my Gator Gum! Those are my electrolytes!
Naked Rob: Dude, he just quenched his thirst with Barry's Gator Gum. Geoff is our clear leader now.
Geoff: Damn right I am. I'm so freakin' fired up right now. I'm gonna cut science class and go run around the park.
Barry: With no clear objective? That's crazy, dude.
Geoff: No. It's new Geoff. JTP!
All: JTP!

Erica: No-go. I like new Geoff.
Lou Schwartz: You like new Geoff?
Erica: New Geoff is hot. Good luck to you both.

Adam: I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna rise up against this reign of guilt and take back what is ours. Chocolatier! We need chocolate-scented stationery STAT! Time to give our parents a taste of their own guilt.

Adam: Sup.
Beverly: Sup yourselves. Uh, it is our job as chaperones to make sure you stay safe, and that extends to sugar consumption.
Adam: Then it's a good thing we no longer accept you as school chaperones.
Beverly: "Mother, I have clearly failed as a son." What the hell is this?
Adam: It's a guilt letter, like the ones you taught your friends to write.
Mrs. Kim: [gasp] They know!
Beverly: You know?
Adam: We all know.