Beverly Quote #887
Mrs. Kim: "Not only am I ashamed to have such a cruel, selfish son, but I may never sleep again knowing how I failed as a mother." My God, who writes this?
Beverly: Literally me, no joke. Next comes the body of the letter, in which you present the many hurtful specifics that demonstrate how much you've sacrificed for your baby.
Virginia Kremp: "I haven't slept since you were born and gave my whole life to you. Not once did I focus on myself. I could have been a lawyer!"
Beverly: Again, something I actually wrote to my children.
Features in the collection: Beverly Goldberg: I Have Failed as a Mother.
Beverly: Sweetie, you have to eat.
Erica: Food reminds me of Drew. He used to eat food.
Beverly: Baby, if you don't eat, then I have failed as a mother.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: What the hell, ladies and Vinny? What happened to our PTA meeting?
Vinny: We got bumped. Mellor's talking to all the field trip chaperones.
Beverly: Field trip? Doesn't he know the amusement park is closed indefinitely?
Coach Mellor: What? The park is closed?
Beverly: Hello? Nestle pulled out of the Cocoa Accords. There's been a travel advisory. All non-essential personnel must steer clear.
Mrs. Kim: Uh, Beverly? None of your insane words are true.
Beverly: But that's not possible. Adam swore to me that Reese's was literally blown to pieces.
Quote from Dave Kim
Dave Kim: Well, I told my mom, "No more! Dave Kim is a grown-up who doesn't need his mommy on some field trip! Now sign my permission slip and lay out my clothes!"
Quote from Adam
Adam: Hersheypark has been closed and our trip is off!
Beverly: Why are they trying to ruin our precious time together?!
Adam: 'Cause of the Chocolate Wars. You didn't hear about it on the news?
Beverly: No, I don't watch the news. It aggravates your father until he throws his shoe at the TV.
Adam: It's those Fudge Barons at Nestle Megacorp. They declared an all-out war on Mr. Goodbar so they shut down the amusement park.
Beverly: Screw those Chocolate War-Mongers! I just made a fresh batch of Oooey Gooey Fudgy Chewies. [chuckles] These always cheer you up.
Jackie: Wow. He's good.
Dave Kim: Maybe the best.